Is Mah Blog

dollmaker, i could tell you something like don't worry your heart will mend or tell you some stupid story about how when i was younger and still in school yada yada yada ... but i won't tell you any of that crap. and for the people who tell you in a few years you won't remember any of these stupid people, well yea that is true, but your first real crush you know the one where your palms sweat and you feel like your gonna puke on him everytime you see him, well those last a life time, just like your first kiss. in twenty years from now you'll remeber him and smile (i hope) in thirty years you'll remember him and smile and think to yourself i wonder what happened to him and again you'll smile. you want to know why because while your sitting here asking your self why did i ever tell him i liked him how stupid of me your not looking at the up side! (yes i said upside) YES there is an upside, do you realize you had the COURAGE to walk up to basically a stranger almost a complete stranger and tell him you like him! there are adults who cant do that without freaking out! stop slapping yourself down girl, you got balls! and so what he turned you down, his loss. as much as it hurts now tomorrow the sun will rise and you will get out of bed and you will look yourself in the mirror and you need to tell yourself there will be a next time there is always a next time and maybe just maybe next time will be the time that's meant for me and when i walk up to john smith and tell him he's hot he'll eat it up. will it be hard to talk to him yea, will you still feel stupid, yea but like i said it's ok and you need to keep telling yourself it's ok i did something that most adults don't have the courage to do. (i'm gonna say this and you will know right off who is writing this so keep it on the QT) look at your mom, she doesn't even have the courage to stand on her own 2 feet. i'm proud of you kiddo. and as far as you smacking yourself down for being fat, shame on you. do you know how many years i fought with starving myself because i thought that's the only thing that would make me happy? did you know when i was prego w/dori they were going to put me in the hospital and force feed me because i forgot how to eat. why do you think i don't own a scale? you know what when you find yourself in that happy spot and you finally become happy with who you are the weight will come off i promise you that. but first you really need to learn to be happy with who you are. and no one not me not your mom or anyone else can tell you where to find that that my dear is a journey you have to make on your own. and believe me sometimes it's scarry as HELL! once a year right around my birthday i sit down and write a list of things people find annoying about me or things that people think i'm doing right and i ask... but don't ask if you don't want the real truth!... i set realistic goals is there anything i need or want to change about myself that would make me a better person. don't just say ok i want to lose weight...well duh who doesn't? say i will lose x amount of weight this year. set a real goal. ask yourself how do you plan on doing it, ask yourself who are you doing it for cuz if it's not for you it dont me bunk. as corny as it sounds your beautiful the way you are and your time will come maybe not tomorrow maybe not this year or next but someday it will come.