Is Mah Blog

Is just a blog. Whatever happens to spew from my mind at the time will wind up on this blog in one way or another.

Call me bitter and emo all you want, but it's true. Especially right now. I hate friends. And I hate friends arguing. Especially if I wind up in the middle of it...like I always manage to do.

But maybe that's not their fault. Maybe it's my own desire for attention that gets me stuck in the middle of all of this bullshit. Or maybe I'm just really unlucky.

In an effort to take up some space on this blog, I'll try to explain just what the heck's going on.

I have two friends. April and Tina. April, once upon a time, was dating a guy named Jeremy. They both looked pretty happy together, but nobody really liked Jeremy (except for April, of course). I tried to warn her he'd cause nothing but trouble. She didn't want to listen to me because, according to her, she was in love. I'm not trying to say she wasn't. Hell, I don't know. But you never can know for sure, can you? Having never experienced the feeling myself, I couldn't tell you for sure. But she said she was, and I'll leave it at that.

Well, during some events that I was not present for, Tina and April stopped being friends. I'm still unclear of the details - I've heard the story countless times from both sides, but...I don't know. Maybe I didn't want to fully understand it, but I guess Jeremy got into a car accident and Tina witnessed it but got scared and didn't do anything about it. He got out perfectly fine, but April was furious that Tina didn't step in. But what was she going to do, yanno? She was out walking, and she probably didn't have a cell phone (if she did...maybe I can understand a little more why April was mad), and it was next to the middle of nowhere. And trying to save someone who's been in a car accident is dangerous. I wouldn't have done anything, either. Or rather...I don't know what I would have done. Considering how much I disliked Jeremy, I may have just kept walking, very much like Tina did. But...what if he hadn't made it? I don't know, that's too much to think about.

Anyway, April hated Tina for what she did (and she may or may not have done something in conjunction to the car accident thing. I, again, do not know), and refused to have anything to do with her, which I eventually found out. Since then, they haven't talked to each other. That was around last summer.

I've talked to them both about it. Tina, obviously, is ready to forgive and forget. April, equally obviously, is not. I've tried avoiding the subject...but they're just so alike. And both of them are so close to me. It's hard to talk to one without bringing up the other, but that's really awkward, so I try to avoid it. ...I've hit a mental roadblock. Lemme get my train of thought back. Hold on.

Oh yeah. Well, being such good friends with both of them kind of stuck me in the middle of this feud, which was to be expected. But I don't want to be stuck in the middle. I've done it before. I don't like it. Another pair of friends had a huge fight a gajillion years ago that I wound up being the mediator of, and it sucked. But that oen was trivial. That friendship was repairable. I can't say the same for this one.

Why can't people just forgive and forget? Why does it ahve to be so goddamn complex? April says Tina's a liar. She's never lied to me. Maybe she was just mistaken, or something. And why can't we just blame Jeremy? It's his fault! Everything is his fault because he just...he just sucks all the goddamn happiness out of a room! He isn't depressing, though, he's just frustrating. And I hate him. I really do.

And as if all of this wasn't enough, another interesting twist threw more shit into the fan that is my fucking life. As it turns out, Tina's starting to find herself attracted to Jeremy (again. Can't see why ANYONE would find him attractive. He's just disgusting, physically, mentally and even spiritually). It all started...oh, two weeks ago? It was a weekend. I was helping Tina do her homework, and was staying over at her house for the night while her mom went out. We were studying and everything was great when he called. He asked to come over, and Tina accepted. She accepted, knowing full well her mother was out. After hanging up, she gave me this story about how she wouldn't have said yes if I wasn't there and how she just can't say no to people and yadda yadda yadda. I didn't care. I'm not even sure I believe her.

Anyway, he came over, and they talked for a while (I ignored Jeremy during his entire stay. I wanted him to know that he wasn't welcome from where I stood), and they got on the subject of Tina's new furniture. She mentioned getting a new bed (which she did) and he asked to see it. He also, during this entire event, was asking things like "You're 18 now, right?" (which she is), and all sorts of...well, really obvious questions.

Well, they went upstairs so Jeremy could see the new bed. I didn't follow right away. I didn't want to. And I could hear them fine from where I was, so if something were to happen, I would have known. And after a few minutes up there, I heard some suspicious noises. It sounded like they were kissing. But Tina, whatever was going on, made him stop. Then I couldn't take it anymore, and went up after them. They were laying on the bed next to each other, but it wasn't like it was suggestive or anything. They were just laying there.

We all went back downstairs and eventually Jeremy left. Once he did, Tina told me that Jeremy had in fact tried to kiss her, and even tried to get his tongue in her mouth. That pissed me off. But a few days later she told me she felt 'attracted' to him, and that just pissed me off more.

So all three of them piss me off right now. April for being a hardhead, Tina for betraying her ex-friend, and Jeremy simply for existing. And I'm also pissed at all of them for somehow getting me involved. I hate them all right now, but I can't stop talking to Tina or April. I want to, but I find myself unable to do it. I just wanna get them both in a room together and lock them in. Let them solve their own goddamn problems so I don't have to feel like a part of it anymore. It's really goddamn frustrating.

That's why I like the internet. Less commitment.

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