When you feel you're infront of a fork in the road...

Hey guys,

I have decided to ask you for advice, *sigh*

I have come up to a point in my life that I am past 21 and still live at home, haven't been able to finish school since my mother lost my transfer papers and it's extremely dificult to retrieve them since the school got ride of their copies 7 years ago.

I work for myself and live with my grandmother, which wouldn't be such a bad thing if she was partly sane, she is on prozac and lots of other meds prescribed by doctors. And since it's only us two at home, i end up doing everything i mean everything at home, but I still don't get to go out at night and have a little fun. I have never been able to put a foot inside a disco "because girls from good families have no need to go out at late hours"

My father lives with my younger brothers, and got married again, and since i am identical to my mother, he just treats me different. Everytime i try to patch up the relationship with him it gets worse. I will be true to you, i was a very bad little girl when i was in grade school, and had issues at home, so i used to lie and cut class, but hey, I never did drugs or shit like that, so that makes me not so bad, right?

I work soo much and am still paying off a debt i have, and i pitch in at home, i buy groceries and give her cash, but it's still not enough...!!! when i go out and have fun, when i get back home it's always the same "grandaughter you are OBLIGATED to bring me something of whatever you ate," or why didnt you tell me you were going out, i was soo worried (and it's so early still, like 10:00 pm)...

I met my boyfriend 4 years and a half ago, which i now consider my life...and she hates his guts to a point of hipocrecy when he visits, she says all these anoying things to get on his nerves until he leaves, and leaves me to choose between my grams and him, i know i decided to move in with her when i couldnt take my fathers new wife anymore, but she is abusing it already...

I feel like i dont have a purpose in life other than work and pay the bills, since i have a swing shift schedule ( get in at 2 and get out at 10, when everything is closed already) i dont get to go out to the movies or shopping anymore...I feel like i am loosing my mind :-(

Please help, give me some advice if you can...

Can you move in with your boyfriend? Maybe find some way to declare your independence...

On Sep 9, 2007 10:01 pm, Runic Tunic said:

Thank you for replying "Runic" !

Well don't think i haven't tried that, But my father showed up the day i was packing to get out of this hellhole, and said "if you don't finish school you can move out..."

And ruined everything.

The joy of being first born neh? They depend on you to do the best without even helping you...sometimes I just despise him soo...and then sometimes I just love him to death....

My birthday present this year was some lame ass excuse at sarcasm, when he asked what I was doing, i told him "I am getting ready to go out, and have dinner with my boyfriend, since nobody called me in the morning"

and he said,

"Oh fine then, have it your way...happy birthday by the way brat"

(see what i mean?)

Your family isn't treating you with the respect you deserve as an adult. It sounds like they are treating you like a kid.

Move out and get on with your life. Move in with your boyfriend. You can do it without your dad's help. It sounds like your grandma is holding you back a lot not only socially but financially. Get out of there and build a life for yourself. Then after a while when things seem to cool off and they see you are out on your own perhaps they'll figure out that you aren't a child anymore and that you're an adult. Hope that helps.

Oh dear. My heart goes to you dear one.

There isn't much I can say to help you. You have to realise and understand that your life is your own. No one can have a say in your life. No one can dictate what you should do, what is good for you.  If you find yourself where you are now it's because you've let other people «control» you. Whatever happen in our lives is always our doing. But it's not too late to take that control back, to regain your life as your own. You have the power in your hands to do what has to be done. It seems to me that you already know everything that I have wrote here...If you are finding yourself at a fork...it's because you realise that you have the choice! Good for you!  Whatever decision you take will have consequences; one fork will be good for the other people in your life and bad for you, the other fork will be good for you and bad for the people in your life. If you choose yourself, it wont be easy, you will probably feel quilty and some people will play on that. Don't let go, hold on. Have faith in yourself, in your right to live your own life and give it the purpose you want.

Lastly, if your family makes you unhappy, you can and have the right to put a stop to it. It's not because it's your family that you have to bend your head and accept whatever is thrown at you. I dont mean that you have to never see any of them again, but sometimes putting some space between you and them can do wonders. And im talking about my experience here. I hope I helped a bit.

If you need to chat am just a pm away...  

Thank you soo much for the advice,

I posted that message because it was one of those days that I despreatly needed to vent....

I am very sorry,

My family is wierd, and has been wierd since the peer, which was my grandfather passed away. Now they all do whatever the F*** the want, and treat everybody like shit. And personally I can't have anymore of it.

I have planned out something, but first i need to work more so I can buy everything for myself and then move out.

It doesnt really matter what my father thinks anymore, I think i can dissapoint him anymore. And he stopped supporting me finnancially when i was 16 years old so... *shrugs*

Thank you soo much for your time and your words of moral support, I really appreaciate them.

*hugs*

Well, i'm not the best to talk at this topic ( i'm 21 years old, i live at my parents until my mandatory army is finished (getting home somewhere in the 7th month next year...) and all the money i have is the day salary from the army, which is pretty much equal to nothing) but i'll throw my two cen... No, i 'aint throwing money anywhere right now, sorry

Anyway, i agree with Runic Tunic, Bogusred and Lilimayhem (you still hold that fridge full of chocolate "hostage"? If you do, may i have some?) that you should move out and take some distance, until the dust settles... If it settles at all. You're an adult and they should treat you with respect. If they don't, make them respect ya. If that doesn't help, do the hardest part of it all and cut all ties...

Now, i'm being quite pessimistic here, but it is something that i've grown to be during my stay in the army. Something i hate and adore at the same time

Hi Chibi-Hana!

Well, we both know we're stuck with our family, for better or worse. It's terrible that they can treat you so cruelly, and I understand that must be really hard on you, but thank god for your boyfriend, he must be a true blessing in your life. I think that once you have enough money, you should see if it's possible to move in with him - 4 years is more than enough time to be together. Also, perhaps you should look back into going to school. I'm sure things like lost transfer papers happen all the time, and at least in California, after you're 5 years out of high school, colleges can no longer ask for your high school transcripts or graduation certificate. See if they have any similar laws in your area. The reason why is because it will ultimately add to your independence - if you can graduate with a good degree, it will open up management positions that allow you to live more comfortably on your own. And with a prickly family, you definitely need to be on your own, for your sanity and for theirs.

I hope things get better for you soon; it's wonderful that even though your family can be so cruel, at the same time you respect them so much, even going so far as to help support your grandma and stuff. You're a good person, so just have faith in yourself and move in the direction you want to go.