Should a bride change her last name?

BogusRed

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Back in September I became engaged to my boyfriend, Mike, of nearly seven years. We just bought a new house and are settling in. Things are mostly going smoothly but there's one thing that we keep debating on.

My last name

I intend to keep my name the way it is when I get married, "Susannah Sahim." But Mike wants me to take his last name, "Mitchell" or at least do a hyphen name such as "Sahim-Mitchell" or "Mitchell-Sahim."

I don't want to change my name to Mitchell because it is a very common name. There are not too many Sahim's out there though and I've already started to establish myself. Name recognition is important to me, as it probably is for many artists, and I would rather keep my name the way it is. The hyphen idea seems lame to me because I'd still be changing my name. I personally don't want to compromise on this because I don't think I should have to. It's MY name, right?

Mike keeps bringing it up and seems to be hurt that I don't want to change my name. What do you ladies and gents think?

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Minimaid

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I would say it's up to the bride, Susie.

My mother kept her maiden name, and it's saved her a world of trouble... Due to her keeping her name, both my brother and I have two last names (no hyphenation), and I rather like the results.

If/When Jon and I get married, though, I will likely tack his name onto the end (without hyphening) but only because I'm rather fond of his last name, and his name's more in danger of being discontinued than mine is (I mean, Butler's not exactly unusual). Besides, having five names would be fun!

Mike's probably more hurt because of the implication that not changing your name is due to a reluctance to become fully a part of his family. Perhaps if you approach the subject with him while keeping this angle in mind, you could help him see that you DO want to be a part of his family and his life (hence the whole accepting of marriage and all the legalities that go with it), but you also want to hold on to your heritage, since it is important to remember the past while also looking to the future.

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blackwinddragon

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I have to agree with Minimaid -- when all is said and done, it's the bride's choice. You can always offer that you're name remain the same but the kid's could go hyphenated. Also mention how much less trouble it would be for you not to change your name. You'll have to go around to every company you deal with (liek your banks, credit card company, phone company etc etc) and tell them about the change.

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arkillian

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He's probably very traditional about the whole marriage concept. Try explaining to him the pros and cons. I've never liked hypened names, and it does sound a mouthfull if you hyphened yours.

Taking on the husband's family name is an old traditiona that is dying out. Back in the old days, women had no say, they kept the family clean and fed, while the Father provided. He was the face figure of the family, so he family name was always passed down that way. Women now days have just as much power as men nowdays, so it's no longer an issue.

I think he'll be undertanding if you talked about it with him. It's not just the bride's choice- its's his choice too, cause he'd be forsaking his family name instead. One will have to give in though, and that takes dicusson to who that'll be.

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Megaptera

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Meh, ask him to consider if the positions were reversed. Would he be willing to give up his last name? Can he understand how important your name is to you?

Alternatives would be swapping last names, or both of you taking the other one's last name as an extra middle name. Does he have any objection to other such plans where you both make equal changes?

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BogusRed

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Well we did talk about it some more but both of us seem to be pretty stuborn about it.

Understand though that I wasn't intending to have our kids have my name or both of our names. I made it clear to him that our children will be "Mitchell's."

I think he'll be undertanding if you talked about it with him. It's not just the bride's choice- its's his choice too, cause he'd be forsaking his family name instead. One will have to give in though, and that takes dicusson to who that'll be.

He wouldn't be forsaking his name. I just wouldn't be taking his name. He'd still be a Mitchell and our kids will be named Mitchell.

And I tried all kinds of arguments for why I want to keep my name but I'm not sure he gets it. He thinks doing a hyphen would still satisfy my requirements (name recognition). But it would still be a change that I'd have to deal with if I went hyphen. I'd have to contact all my banks, etc to tell them about the change.

We'll see how it goes. I'll try talking to him about it again after we've had some time to think about it.

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Lhunuial

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I also think it's up to the bride to decide that.

My mother took a hyphened name as well when she got married because it is tradition where I live. But a lot of women recently decide to keep their own names. I don't think that's because they want to be part of the other's family less, but as you said recognition.

You're up for a real discussion there if he doesn't understand at all why you want to keep your name. You both need some time to think about it. Who knows what will happen then. Good luck with it [smiley] *hug*

Jei H

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If your primary concern is your name in regards to your art, you can always keep your last name as part of an 'alias' as opposed to worrying about your true identity. On leagle documentation you could have your hyphinated name, but when you're signing your artwork you can keep your name however you want. (Artistic License).

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Should a bride change her last name?

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