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er...little help... ^ ^;;
Posted: Feb 23, 2006 9:13 pm
# 1
*sighs* alrighty...point blank, i'm having trouble getting over a break up...any advise?
T_T...i feel like an idiot... ^_^ anywho! i'm "ok" it's just...erm...hmm....not sure what it is...welp...yeh...being articulate and my brain shut down now....
help....anyone...*sounds small and pathetic* >_< ![[emoticon]](http://www.paperdemon.com/images/forum/mysmilies/15pxyellow_sweatdrop.gif)
(heh, came back) alrighty! sorry for the vagueness, my brain wasn't working, but that's aright! here's the problem, Kyle broke up with me the Sunday before v-day (yeh, nice i know >.> ) anywho, he has been the first and only guy i ever truly fell in love with, i wanted to be absolutely perfect for him and for him only to be happy. whelp, it ended with him not feeling right and just wanting to be "friends". whelp, he came to my house to tell me this and the only thing i could think of at the time was, keep everything to yourself and don't argue, because i actually wanted to make it easier on him...*sighs*
the root of the problem, yeh i feel horrible i lost him, that's the normal part i can deal with, but i never told him anything. i never asked if it could be worked through, i never told him how much i truly loved him. i feel as if i just gave up and let him go, as if i didn't really care...i had showed no emotion throughout the whole thing until he left, and the only thing i said was "i understand" that was it! i just let him go without another word. it's even worse because we just sat there in silence, like he was waiting for me to say something more, then...he just left...
this is absolutely tearing at me! it has been ever since the last night i saw him...and i loved him right to the end...*shakes head* i loved everything about him, right to the last depressed look he gave me...
how am i to get over these feelings when i can't even talk to him anymore...? the last thing i need to be is the deranged ex who is trying to justify things after it's already over...*sighs* i'm utterly lost...
Last edited by lost_kitsune on Feb 24, 2006 12:12 am. Total edits: 2.
Posted: Feb 24, 2006 7:24 am
# 2
MoonDemon
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Call him and talk to him. I'm not saying beg him to take you back but you need to let him know what you think. There is no such thing as being absolutely perfect for any one if you are unwilling to let them know what you think and feel on your own. The way to keeping anything going with someone is to try and talk through your problems. Even if you stay broken up after talking at least you tried. I don't want to depress you but it may well be that he doesn't feel the same about you as you feel for him. However you won't know without talking. I've had major fights with my husband that I was convinced were going to lead to divorce but we talk them through without holding anything back and we've lasted a while with the promise of staying together because we don't keep things in.
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THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!
Posted: Feb 24, 2006 9:52 am
# 3
Oh my gosh. This is all too familiar to me. I was in the same situation not too long ago. I even came to all of my friends asking how to get over it. The truth is that you will never get over it. Not when you have loved someone the way you did. My ex was also the very first man I had ever fallen completely in love with. I used to be so guarded because I never wanted to be hurt. But then he took me by surprise and before I knew it, I became weak in the knees when I heard his name. My heart would flutter everytime I would talk to him, I felt completely overwhelmed by my feelings for him. Like every breath I took was for him. I honestly had fallen in love.
And then one day without any warning it was gone. he deserted me without any reason as to why. A few weeks after that he had come to me and told me that it was just the way the compass pointed for us. I don't necessarily buy that, but what can I do? I went through a whole range of emotions. I was angry. I was heartbroken, I was confused, I was completely distraught.. I actually lowered myself down to beggin him for the reason he deserted me, but he never gave it to me. Well, eventually he told me that damn "compass" line. But even still I honestly don't know what went wrong. I cried over him every day for a month straight. I didn't think I would ever feel better. I eventually ran out of tears.
But you know what? I have found that the more I talk about it, the easier it is to come to terms with it. And I am so grateful that I have such amazing friends that don't mind listening to me cry. They are so awesome. They really want to help me through it and they have all given me the strength to move on by just listening to me when I want to let it all out. And that may or may not work for you, but it really does help.
There really is no easy way to get over it. And lke the old cliche goes, it will just take time. I didn't believe it when I was going through it. I was so swallowed up in my misery. But looking back, I can honestly say that that is true. Time heals the pain. Even after our break-up, I still wanted to be friends with my ex. I didn't want to lose him from my life completely. Not after he had made such an impact on me. But then I came to think that if I didn't talk to him anymore, then it would actually be easier for me to forget about him. And then he came to me and told me that if that is what I felt I had to do, then I should do it. But he also said that I shouldn't just forget about our time together completely beause those were precious memories between us that shouldn't just be thrown away. And he is right. So, the hardest part is just letting go of the relationship hun. I wish I could make it asier for you. Or offer you some solid words of comfort. Unfortunately, that "strength" is something that you are going to have to find within yourself. We can only offer our shoulders to cry on and our ears and hearts to listen.
And what's great is that now I have an awesome boyfriend who is the light of my life. I actually have found the strength to move on with my life and start a new relationship. In the end, things will work out for you too. I wish you all the best, and if you ever need someone to rant to, I'll be here. *hugs*
And then one day without any warning it was gone. he deserted me without any reason as to why. A few weeks after that he had come to me and told me that it was just the way the compass pointed for us. I don't necessarily buy that, but what can I do? I went through a whole range of emotions. I was angry. I was heartbroken, I was confused, I was completely distraught.. I actually lowered myself down to beggin him for the reason he deserted me, but he never gave it to me. Well, eventually he told me that damn "compass" line. But even still I honestly don't know what went wrong. I cried over him every day for a month straight. I didn't think I would ever feel better. I eventually ran out of tears.
But you know what? I have found that the more I talk about it, the easier it is to come to terms with it. And I am so grateful that I have such amazing friends that don't mind listening to me cry. They are so awesome. They really want to help me through it and they have all given me the strength to move on by just listening to me when I want to let it all out. And that may or may not work for you, but it really does help.
There really is no easy way to get over it. And lke the old cliche goes, it will just take time. I didn't believe it when I was going through it. I was so swallowed up in my misery. But looking back, I can honestly say that that is true. Time heals the pain. Even after our break-up, I still wanted to be friends with my ex. I didn't want to lose him from my life completely. Not after he had made such an impact on me. But then I came to think that if I didn't talk to him anymore, then it would actually be easier for me to forget about him. And then he came to me and told me that if that is what I felt I had to do, then I should do it. But he also said that I shouldn't just forget about our time together completely beause those were precious memories between us that shouldn't just be thrown away. And he is right. So, the hardest part is just letting go of the relationship hun. I wish I could make it asier for you. Or offer you some solid words of comfort. Unfortunately, that "strength" is something that you are going to have to find within yourself. We can only offer our shoulders to cry on and our ears and hearts to listen.
And what's great is that now I have an awesome boyfriend who is the light of my life. I actually have found the strength to move on with my life and start a new relationship. In the end, things will work out for you too. I wish you all the best, and if you ever need someone to rant to, I'll be here. *hugs*
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Laughter is the best medicine and your face is curing the world.
Posted: Feb 24, 2006 5:38 pm
# 4
*hugs back*...thank you, heh, that ended up making me cry and thank you too moondemon, i really want to tell him everything, especially since even our friendship is out the window, so there really isn't any harm in telling him, but the problem is how...he avoids me, and the only thing i can think of is a letter, which would in turn freak him out and he probably wouldn't even accept it...not to mention, when i think about him, i can't get the words right, i can't even put a single sentence together to even begin telling him what i want to...grrrrrg....i know this is a really dumb remark, but i hate this...heh...so far i've gone through every emotion possible, from utterly despising him, to hysterically happy in denial, to now just really wishing i had a car and could just get away from everyone...![[emoticon]](http://www.paperdemon.com/images/forum/mysmilies/15pxyellow_sorry.gif)
... but that's alright! yeh, i've talked to my friends, unfortunately he did that on a Sunday, whelp, i have class with him and my friends asked why i looked pale and utterly depressed and i look over and just break down in the middle of lunch...not too great...and i have the mixed feelings about being friends, every time i see him my heart flutters and feel horrible, not to mention he never looks at me with is the worst, we met eyes once and that look was enough to bring me to tears again.... i don't know how i could talk to him without feeling affection towards him...*sighs*
Last edited by lost_kitsune on Feb 24, 2006 5:52 pm. Total edits: 2.
Posted: Feb 24, 2006 6:13 pm
# 5
arkillian
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All I can say is wow- a guy broke up with you and wants to be only friends? I seriously thought that was impossible.
Second thing- Is friends such a bad thing? I mean, did you jump int the relationship too fast? If you did, then maybe friendship would rekindle it. If not- he mayh be the best friend you ever had![[emoticon]](http://www.paperdemon.com/images/forum/mysmilies/15pxyellow_smile.gif)
Could you live with that?
Second thing- Is friends such a bad thing? I mean, did you jump int the relationship too fast? If you did, then maybe friendship would rekindle it. If not- he mayh be the best friend you ever had
Could you live with that? ---
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Posted: Feb 24, 2006 7:34 pm
# 6
I could never understand the relationship thing myself, having never been in one, but from a general consensus I do wonder if these guys are worth it... I mean, why form such strong attachments to them if you know that they don't love you back as much? I feel that a lopsided relationship always leads to trouble; someone demands too much or someone doesn't give back enough. So just a bit confused here.
Posted: Feb 25, 2006 1:02 am
# 7
*shrugs* friendship seems to be out of the question for him...not because i couldn't handle it, it's because he is being extremely weird and distant with me, which is driving me nuts, if he acts weird, it's going to be weird, if he just acted normal it'd be a heck of a lot easier to get over this in the first place...kinda like my feelings are hurt because of that, to put it simply...if all else fails i will just talk to him about that if nothing else...
lol, Qcvar, true, relationships do seem to be a lot more trouble then they are worth, but i really have to say, the old saying "it's better to loved and lost then to never have loved at all" hits the nail on the head... sure it's a pain and a heartache to get over a break up, but now i know what i am looking for, i never knew if i was feeling how i was supposed to or not with every other relationship before him because i never truly loved anyone, but when i was with him, my heart fluttered when i thought about him, and was happily content when i was with him, for once in my life, i went to sleep with a smile, and woke up happy that i could hold him for anyther day...anywho...that's also why i was probably more understanding then most, i've felt the trouble of explaining it's only a friendship basis with someone else...*ponders* hmm... ![[emoticon]](http://www.paperdemon.com/images/forum/mysmilies/15pxyellow_hmm.gif)
feeling better already now that i think of it
but yeh, my biggest problem is telling him what i think...the way i see it, i had enough courage to ask him out in the first place, i should have enough just to tell him what i kept quiet about...
Posted: Feb 25, 2006 1:49 am
# 8
arkillian
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Well- just do it then What's the worst that h could do- tell you the truth? Still not want to be your boyfriend? Seems to me if he is worth it, then you atleast deserve a reason to why he canned the relationship. If it can be fixed, will he love you though? Every relationship have moments like this. It's the love that keeps it together. Tell him to grow up, be a man and talk to you about what is wrong
What's the worst that h could do- tell you the truth? Still not want to be your boyfriend? Seems to me if he is worth it, then you atleast deserve a reason to why he canned the relationship. If it can be fixed, will he love you though? Every relationship have moments like this. It's the love that keeps it together. Tell him to grow up, be a man and talk to you about what is wrong ---
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Posted: Feb 25, 2006 12:24 pm
# 9
Dang sweetie, he sounds exactly like my ex. Believe me, I know this all too well. My ex did the same thing to me. He would completely avoid me for days (even weeks) at a time. And I would be upset because he wasn't aknowledging (sp?) me, but then I started figuring "fine. If he doesn't want to talk to me, that's his problem. Whatever." And then I would actually start getting over it and I carried on. And then after days or weeks he would finally come to me and talk. And this is still going on. And it confuses me. Just when I am ready to forget about him, he comes back. And acts like he cares. So it is not fair to me. So, I am at the point right now where I am just tired of his games. I don't deserve to be put through that. And neither do you. It seems like yours just isn't quite sure right now. And this could just be the way he (and my ex) deals with the pain. It is human nature to push someone or something that has given us pain as far away from ourselves as possible. And perhaps that is what he is doing. And my heart breaks for you that you still have to see him every day. But sweetheart, please trust me in this. Because I have seriously been where you are. It will eventually stop hurting. it doesn't seem like it will, and I know these words offer close to NO comfort at all. But one day will go by and then another and eventually your heart will become stronger.
It took me a while to get over my ex and let him go. But I finally realized that I deserved happiness. And now I am happy. But I will never ever forget my ex. I loved him and part of me still does and always will. He is stuck in my heart and that is where I want to keep him. But no longer will I let it get the best of me.
The hardest thing for me was actually facing the reality that he wasn't going to be with me anymore. And that I wouldn't be able to tell him I loved him anymore or get to hear it from him.
On another note, I think it would be a wonderful idea to write him that letter. if nothing else, it will help you get your feelings out instead of keeping them bottled up inside. And just to prepare you, he may not answer it. Mine didn't. But I am sure he will read it. I know my ex read mine. He made remarks to some of the things I had said in it not too long ago. So, even if he doesn't respond, just hang in there, okay? I honestly feel so heartbroken for you. The pain is all too familiar to me. If you'd like to talk more outside of the forums ever, just PM me and I'll give you my e-maill address or something, okay? Much love to you sweetheart. *hugs*
It took me a while to get over my ex and let him go. But I finally realized that I deserved happiness. And now I am happy. But I will never ever forget my ex. I loved him and part of me still does and always will. He is stuck in my heart and that is where I want to keep him. But no longer will I let it get the best of me.
The hardest thing for me was actually facing the reality that he wasn't going to be with me anymore. And that I wouldn't be able to tell him I loved him anymore or get to hear it from him.
On another note, I think it would be a wonderful idea to write him that letter. if nothing else, it will help you get your feelings out instead of keeping them bottled up inside. And just to prepare you, he may not answer it. Mine didn't. But I am sure he will read it. I know my ex read mine. He made remarks to some of the things I had said in it not too long ago. So, even if he doesn't respond, just hang in there, okay? I honestly feel so heartbroken for you. The pain is all too familiar to me. If you'd like to talk more outside of the forums ever, just PM me and I'll give you my e-maill address or something, okay? Much love to you sweetheart. *hugs*
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Laughter is the best medicine and your face is curing the world.
Posted: Feb 25, 2006 1:32 pm
# 10
lol, thank you arkillian, to be honest, i'm not expecting anything at all, i've thought about it a lot, since about a week ago, and i can't predict him, but i just want him to know, heh, i'll tell him to stop being a stooge and just act normal around me for a change...anyways
thank you to everyone, it really helped me out
Last edited by lost_kitsune on Feb 25, 2006 1:35 pm. Total edits: 1.
Posted: Feb 25, 2006 9:41 pm
# 11
MoonDemon
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I really think face to face talking is better than a letter because letters tend to be not as private as people think. Slightly off subject but when I was 18 I ended up having to turn over alot of letters to the police because my X decided we were destined to be together and he got rather insistant when I refused to see things his way. Before it got to that point though I showed the letters to a few of my friends and they thought the letters were funny seeing how they were at that point unaware of the creeping he was doing. I'm not saying you're going to go stalker on this guy but to avoid the risk of him showing people your letters as a gag or something I really would try and catch him alone to talk about your issues.
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THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!
Posted: Feb 25, 2006 10:03 pm
# 12
First of all BIG HUGE HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!! That really sucks! I'm so sorry that happened to you! I haven't read any of the other responces, so I'm sorry if I repeat anything that's already been said or if I'm writing this too late. I will also add a disclaimer to this:
I am a slightly bitter woman, who is pretty distrustful of men in general. Although I have been with my bf for a long time, I still have unresolved issues stemming from mildly abusive relationships. So please take everything I say with a grain of salt.
Okay, with that out of the way...I know it hurts, but I honestly think that things work out in the end. I think things that are meant to be happen with time. If you two are made for each other, he'll come around and if not, at least it didn't drag out longer than it could have. I know you probably have regrets, that's completely normal and expected. I would also say that if you feel like you need to talk to him, give it time and do it face to face. Give yourself time to cool off and get over the initial bleeding your heart is going through. Let it scab a bit. My experience is that getting back together with a bf that closely to the break up does not usually end up a strong relationship. Love takes practice and work. If this guy is worth it to you (and he sounds like he is, so I hope he really deserves someone as great as you), cool off then ask to talk.
Okay, that's all from me. I really admire that you for really understanding yourself. I find my first reaction to be anger. I harden my emotions pretty quickly, so I am in awe of you. You have a huge heart and I hope that this guy knows what a gift you are.
One more big huge hug for you!! remember you are a wonderful, wonderful person and we all love you!!!
---
When all soldiers lay their weapons down, Or when all kings and the queens relinquish their crown, Or when the only true Messiah rescues us from ourselves, It's easy to imagine, There will be sorrow no more
"Sorrow" by Bad Religion The Process of Belief
Posted: Feb 25, 2006 10:11 pm
# 13
ha, thanks moondemon, yeh i can understand where you are coming from. but i really rather refuse to make it heart-felt, i'm just going to tell him that it's been bugging me that i've never said anything that night so i'm going to tell him now, i really just want him to be my friend, this ignoring thing is a lot more painful then others may think...anywho, i know face to face is more personal, but as for private, he can just as easily open his mouth and tell others about it, and in either case that would just show he's a (profane word ^_^) even his friends would realize that, and even though he dumped me, i still know enough about him that he wouldn't do something like that...lol, and no, i'm not being naive ^_^. but my main reason is that, i just plainly don't have that much courage, i can't even bring myself to try and meet his eyes, which wouldn't work anyways because he's always avoiding mine...anywho, i've been through that, and under pressure, i stutter, brain stops working, i wouldn't say everything i need to, and at times, i'd break down and cry...^_^ believe me, that has happened even though there was nothing wrong, i was just talking to someone under pressure...
but yeh, thanks though
*scratches head with a smile* haha, thanks emmet, naw, someone's word is never too late, and i agree with you, if something happens then it's meant to be, that's how i thought with other relationships, if it doesn't work for one person then there is no way it will work for the other, i don't much believe in leaving your fate to well...fate...but i do believe there is someone for each person. that's probably what really helped is knowing if it doesn't work, then hey, it doesn't work. but what i left unsaid, is for him to decide how he feels, but either way, i'm not expecting anything, i've already went through the pain for the first two days, i forced myself to realize he's gone, instead of playing around with possibilities, hey, i cried myself to sleep, but i also forced myself to move on for the most part because my friends, one they are really annoying when they constantly ask if you are alright ^_^ yeh, they are great, but also, why should i be the one to bring them down.....then again i'm in my happy mood today so hey! it works!
anywho, i just have to deal with regret, sure i still miss him, but he's still there, he's not gone, he's just not mine...as odd as that sounds...anywho, point is, i still get depressed, thus why i talked about it to others, and again, you are right, it really does make a little more sense to wait to tell him....mainly cause i'm a woos, but also, it does seem too soon, it would feel more like trying to get him back instead of just telling him what i think he should have heard in the first place...right...now that i've done enough me myself and i...^_^ again thank you! this really did help me, still wish i had a car and could just drive though....*sniffs*
Last edited by lost_kitsune on Feb 25, 2006 10:32 pm. Total edits: 2.
Posted: Feb 26, 2006 12:51 am
# 14
I'm so glad that you're feeling happier! Yea!!!!!!!!!!! I totally understand unresolved issues...I have tons of them, although most of mine involve a lot of yelling and screaming akin to a 5 year old LOL. One thing that helps me is to write randomly in a journal. I feel like I get it out and even if I never tell the things I say to the person I'm writing to, it helps. I use my journal for all sorts of things, story ideas, doodles, vent raids, happy memories, etc. I don't know if that might help in your situation, but it's a suggestion. Anywho...I'm so glad that you're feeling better. I probably shouldn't have written anything since I am a bitter woman especially when it comes to men. I have impossible standards, but I'm glad that you're doing better! I would dance for you...but that might frighten you, so I'll give you another cyberland hug for good luck!
---
When all soldiers lay their weapons down, Or when all kings and the queens relinquish their crown, Or when the only true Messiah rescues us from ourselves, It's easy to imagine, There will be sorrow no more
"Sorrow" by Bad Religion The Process of Belief
Posted: Feb 26, 2006 5:06 pm
# 15
*laughs* dancing is fun though! i love scaring people with random dancing, and you really aren't bitter, that or you are really good at hiding it ^_^
i have a journal and it "did" help a lot with sorting through problems, it really was one of the benefactors that mellowed me out....honestly now that i think of it, just two years ago, i was quiet and shy and sweet on the outside, but completely insane on the inside, and i've just evened out, so now i show when i'm insane and am just loud and annoying! ![[emoticon]](http://www.paperdemon.com/images/forum/mysmilies/15pxyellow_wacko.gif)
anywho, lost the pen to my journal though...unfortunately, i have a thing for goth, not dark and evil myself and don't fallow whatever goth fade is around now, i just absolutely love the things that are dark and black and, ooo, ^_^ just love it, anywho, black pages, only can write in silver pen on them...*sighs* oh my stupidity...
but yeh, i'm am feeling a lot better about it, not enough to actually talk to him yet though...I was going to today though cause i lost my English assignment and he's the only one i know who is in the same English class as i am....whelp that confidence flew out the window about an hour ago....all wells…looks like I get a 50% on this assignment…*shakes head* yeh, I was talking to a friend about it cause she’s gone through a bad break up too and we just got onto that subject…again…all it did was just remind me how stupid I felt and how much I really do miss him…gwaaaaaagh….alwells, I’m better anyways, never perfect, just better ^_^
