tara-willow

Art Writing Comics Blog

Buddies Photos Statistics Forum Posts

About Me

Latest Artwork

The Succubus Keiran

Latest Finished

Latest Writing Submissions

more »

Blog: Something wicked this way comes...

Apr 15, 2009 12:30 pm

This is a horrible way for me to be starting off using a blog, and I know that this entry will seem more like a journal entry than anything else.  In all honesty, that's what I see it as.  I don't want to update people on how my world is going right now, and I don't want anyone's comments...I just need somewhere to write...about anything.  Normally I'd do something like this on deviantART where drama normally belongs, but I don't need everyone seeing this that I know, because they'll think I've gone off the deep end.  There are moments when I wonder if maybe I have, and this is one of them.

After going through old emails and things today, I've realized that my relationship with my boyfriend probably isn't going all nice and smooth like I'd thought.  He lets me read his emails all the time, and stuff, but this time when I did I found out things that I really wish I hadn't.  I think he's getting really sick of me, and I don't know why.  Maybe I'm too controlling, or have too intense of a personality sometimes, or maybe my temper has just destroyed us, but I'm thinking that this probably isn't going to work for much longer, if some of the things he's written are true.

Then again, in the situation we're in, it wouldn't be surprising if he does what I do, and just writes what he knows will make his parents happy to keep them off his back.

But what I read...he's demonizing me entirely...he's making it sound like I'm some control freak of a bitch that won't let him do anything, won't let him go home and see his family, and it hurts.  It really, really, really hurts.  It's not that I don't want him to go home, it's that I don't want him to go home when I'm not in the province so that I can keep an eye on things for him, and make sure that our pets are alright.  We don't have any really close friends that live out here, and so there's not really anyone to take care of the pets.

I also had an altercation with one of his siblings who thought it was funny to pull pranks on me, and despite the fact that the situation has calmed down by now, he's demonized me to his parents further, telling them that I freaked out over nothing, and that I've been doing nothing but starting fights and arguments over the last few days.  He talks more to his parents in a positive light about some bitch that he met on an adult roleplaying site than he does to them about me, the person he told he wanted to marry!  He spends all his time on the computer talking to her, and telling his parents about how wonderful she is.  I think his parents are pushing him to get rid of me, so that he can hook up with this girl from the states that he's never seen.  I really, really don't know what to do, because I think he might be leaning on those lines as well.

  I don't know how much more of this I can handle...I want to know how long this has been going on for, but I'm terrified to talk to him.  And I don't want to jump to conclusions about it because I love him so much, and I don't want our relationship to die.  I don't know whether I should just shut up and keep at it, or if I should just leave him and never look back.  I've been with him for almost two and a half years now, and I don't know what to do.  

It doesn't help that I have to go away for the summer, and leave him here alone for four months because I have to either be at home with my family or on a military tasking.  What the hell am I supposed to do if our relationship is already on the rocky ground that it seems to be?!  I just want everything to go back to normal...oh, I'd kill for that.  I'd die for it.

And I know people say that you should never get hung up on a guy, but what else am I supposed to do right now?  What else, I ask you?  I don't know what to do.

I even went out and got easter candy and stuff today and was going to surprise him with the chocolate when he got home from work, and I was going to make supper for him and run a nice hot bath...but I don't think I can now.  I just want to curl up into a ball in the corner and die.

| Permalink | Comments (0) | Post a comment