The forgotten son - Chapter 2

I could not believe how it was possible for someone to make me feel this...incapable and uncomfortable. I never was a silly woman. I had never blushed and squealed like all the other girls when the warriors of the surrounding Chieftains came home. Truth be told, I was not like the other girls. Rhona said I was an old soul and that at the time of my birth she had known that I would one day be a servant of the lady. I had started my education at a young age, learning maybe too early about the hopes of my people toward me. I was not allowed to be a silly girl. Perhaps I left the girlhood too soon. Perhaps I grew too serious. But then again to do all that was, and would be, required of me, I needed a strong and clear mind. To this day, I had always been a strong, capable, level-headed woman...to this day.

After telling him my name I felt, to my horror, the heat return to my cheeks. I bent my head, willing my hair to form a barricade around my face. I did not want him to know that he affected me. I suddenly wished to find myself anywhere but in my hut. As much as the notion pleased me, I knew that I could not delay for much longer changing the linens around his waist. The idea of having to touch him with him looking at me with his clear eyes, made my inside twist and tighten in my belly. During the night, as I was changing his bandage, I had only felt like a healer. He had been so confused by his fever that I had seen him as a frightened child that needed comfort. But now, he was fully awake and looked very much like the warrior that he was. And I felt very much like a woman. It was as if I didn't know what to do anymore, as if all my teachings had fled my head, leaving a timid, incompetent girl behind.

I rose, maybe too abruptly for he made a startled gesture, and I turned away from him diligently beginning to pick up the pieces of his armor. I needed a moment to gather up my strength and wits. I did not know if his eyes were following my movements, but I choose to think that they did not. Ignoring him, I pilled his armor near the door and put the dirty linens on the table. I would wash them, and then boil them for future use.

Without anything more to do and seeking a way out, I turned toward him uneasy. He was half raised on the bed holding his body up with one elbow, the other hand cradling the wound on his side. He was looking around my hut with a tight expression on his features. A sympathetic frown graced my features face as I realized that he was in pain. What was the matter with me? Since when did I let my own mood and discomfort overwhelm me to the point of forgetting what was important? I could hardly recognize myself and I did not like it. I shook my head stricken at my behavior. He was in pain and he had probably not eaten in a while and...he probably needed to relieve himself. I scolded myself; from now on, I would act like the Wise woman I would one day be. Rhona would be ashamed if she knew how I had conducted myself. Losing my composure to act like an uneducated wench! He was just a man and I was a servant of the Great Goddess!

«You are probably hungry. » I stated as I turned toward the cabinet where I kept my meager provisions. He did not answer but I took nonetheless the bundle of cloth where I knew to find a piece of hard bread. Bending, I grabbed the bowl where I kept some dried fruits. I had some dried meat also but chose not to give him some for now, he needed all his energy to heal. Returning to him, I put the food down on the bed beside him.

«It is not much but it will give you strength. » I looked at him as I opened the bundle to reveal the bread. A wary look was on his face as he looked at the fruits. I felt a smile tug at my lips.

«Do not be afraid, this food is good. » I grabbed a berry and put it in my mouth, feeling its tart taste fill my mouth with saliva.

He grabbed a piece of bread and ate it, chewing slowly. «I did not wish to imply that your food was inadequate, I thank you for it. Forgive me I, I cannot recall anything. » He frowned like one in deep thought «I feel like I have emptiness inside my head, everything I try to grasp, elude me... » He stopped talking and looked hard at the blanket covering him as if he wished to set it afire by the power of his gaze. « I know that I should be somewhere else but every time I feel close to grasp the thought, it slips away. » He looked up at me with his worried eyes and I felt my heart swell with the desire to comfort him. I put the longing aside as he resumed his thoughts in a subdued voice.

« I do not know who I am. It is almost as if I am prevented to recall...»

Before turning away I saw him run a hand in his hair in frustration and wince as he touched the still tender cut. I could not even begin to understand how it must have felt like for him to wake up hurt in an unknown hut, and to realize that he could not recall what had happened or even who he was. What a troubling thought! To be a stranger to oneself! As I was thinking, I took a wooden cup from the table and filled it with the remaining water of the caldron. I set the cup beside him on the small table where the instruments of yesterday still lay. I absentmindedly reminded myself to gather them up later on.

I stood gazing down at him. Chewing on some bread, he looked like he was concentrating all his thoughts in unlocking the mystery of his mind. I wished to help him but I knew there was not much I could do. Unsure, I walked to the hearth and set about the task of building a fire. As I was certain the fire was strong enough and would not die down, I grabbed my caldron. I needed boiled water to wash his wound and I needed to get away from him, if only for the briefest time.

As I sat on the rocky bank of the small river, I pondered about the words I could say to him. As I had said, I had seen people losing their memories after having an injury to the head. But I was ignorant on why the Goddess chose to take the memories away from the head to return them afterward. Surely there was a lesson there to be learned for the person suffering, but what comforting word could I say to him? I would not offer lies and I could hardly say that it was the Goddess way to teach him something.

Why did it felt so personal? Why did I felt this restless about it? I grabbed a rock from the ground and played with it inattentively. I was a healer and had always wanted nothing more then to help others with their pains and injuries. In the past, I had found myself crying on my pallet at night after a hard day of bad business, but none had left me with a storm inside my soul. None had made me feel restless with helplessness. I breathed dispiritedly and looked at the trees on the other side of the brook for a moment. Ah, but I would accomplish nothing by sitting here juggling with my mind. Standing up, I threw the rock in the water and grabbed the caldron.

Upon returning inside I was greeted by the sight of the man struggling as he tried to find a seating position on the bed. I nearly let go of the caldron in my haste to reach him, fearing that he would tear the skin around the stitches if he strained his muscles. A part of me knew that maybe he would be offended if I tried to help him with a task as easy as sitting up, so when I reached him I merely offered my arm to him. He looked at me briefly and grabbed my arm as he used the muscles of his arms to raise himself instead of using the muscles of his trunk. He sat with a grunt and I heard him expelled a long breath of air though he tried to hide it. I went back to my caldron, as if nothing had happened.

I had done a good work in cleaning the wound for I could not see any signs of infection. I smiled in pride as I discarded the soiled linens. The man looked down at the grim stitches and looked elsewhere as if the wound was nothing more than a cat's scratch.

Though I tried to keep control of my heart, I felt it quicken in my chest as I started to clean the grisly line. I felt very conscious of my hand as I softly ran my fingers over his skin. When he shifted, the sight of his body barely covered by the blanket suddenly distracted me. I coughed slightly as I tried to focus my gaze on the linen in my hand once again. I really ought to find him some clothing. Once I was finished, I made the mistake of glancing at his face. He was looking intently at me as if he had suddenly seen something very much intriguing. I quickly looked away feeling like his gaze alone would easily undo me. If only my heart could stop beating so loudly! Grabbing the bowl of yarrow that I had previously mashed into a pulp, I focused exaggeratedly on applying it. Grabbing the stretches of clean linens I turned back toward him and saw, with a loud thumping of my heart, that he still had the same intent look on his face. I averted my gaze and saw him raise his arms slightly. As I was rolling the linen around his midsection, I could not prevent the heat from returning to my cheeks. I knew, he was looking at me, I felt it, his gaze felt like a physical touch on my skin, making the act of simply breathing a difficult one. Why did he affect me so? I knew nothing of him, not even his name, how could I feel this much?

As I finished I could not get away from him quickly enough. Now I had but one though in my mind; to leave my hut. I wanted; I needed to breathe, to think. I wanted to be alone.

I walked to the hearth where I took a large wooden bowl, clutching it to my breast as I returned to him. He sat with his back against the stone wall his eyes closed, to my relief. I deposited the bowl on the bed and he looked down at it with a question on his features.

«If you need to...hum» I waved a hand in the general direction of his groin and felt unable to finish. To my relief, I saw a wave of understanding flow across his features. I could not even imagine myself trying to tell him to use the bowl to relieve himself.

«I have things that needs to be done, I...I have to leave for a while. » As I talked I literally flew around my small hut in my haste to gather what I would need. A clean dress, I had to clean myself, my own dirtiness was starting to be unbearable. As a second though, I grabbed the bloody linens and put them in a woven basket, might as well wash them also. I did not waste time in preparing food for I would easily find in the forest something to break fast on.

«I have left everything you might need near you, do not try to rise, not yet. I will return soon» I talked but I could barely understand the words that left my lips. Now, I only needed my bow and I would finally be gone.

I had not encountered anyone since my isolation in Celyddon but I knew that the Picti and Saecsens sometimes came here to hide or plan their attacks. I had learned how to defend myself but in the end I had realized that I would never be quite good at that art. A weapon in my hand felt wrong. It was like a bird trying to learn how to swim. A fish attempting to fly in the air.

I kept the bow mainly to hunt for I knew that I would not be a formidable adversary with it. The forest was my best weapon and I had mastered its use.

Maybe I would stumble upon some games, I thought as my stomach grumbled in hunger. I could certainly eat meat after all the strenuous work I had done the day before. Sending a glance at my new acquaintance, I fancied that he would probably not be content by feasting on bread and dried fruits alone.

Grabbing my bow and quiver and shouldering them, I looked at him, wondering if he would need anything more.

«I shall not be gone for long; do you need something before I go? He was looking at me with an amused look on his face.

«Well, I would like to use this bowl if you do not mind. »

I blushed bright red and heard him chuckle as I flew through the door not even bothering to push the skin out of the way.