Placing my guitar down was like, putting down my soul. I didn’t want to do it, but school started in 15 mins and I still had to shower. The whole world was on my back, screaming, shouting, yelling, and swearing. It felt like I was the only one who could hear it, the rest of the people keep walking on, with no knowledge of what was going to happen or what had already been. My time on earth was coming to a close and this was all I had to remember it by. I shook my head, there had to be more then this.
“Yo Gabbi, where have you been?” Ryan patted the chair next to him as if to say ‘come here’ whatever he meant I still sat down.
“Casey is having a party tonight, you coming?” I looked up and shock my head up and down, but my mind was going NO! I lived a life of the unknown, at school I was the toughest girl on campus, at home I was the perfect daddy’s girl, and always went to the library, and when I was in my room I was neither of those girls. I was ME, I was Gabbi the guitarist.
I made my way down to first period, I HATED school. Just the thought of knowing that this place was waiting for me the next day, haunted my mind. It wasn’t so much the learning and writing, it was the friends. None of my friends really knew what was going on in my life; no one knew that it would all be over soon, no one even bothered to ask why I didn’t talk as much anymore. If I just acted out my last days as if nothing had happened maybe no one would even notice I was gone. Whatever the case, I still had to go to school, to prepare for a future that would never come. My head kept aching, as the teacher talked about our homework for that night. I wasn’t really listening; the only thing that was going through my head was pain and three words, ‘any day now’.
The day went by fairly slow, but eventually it came to the end of the last period, and as everyone else rushed for the door, I stayed behind.
“Are you alright deary?” I looked up at my music teacher.
“Would it be too much trouble if I could stay behind and play one of the schools guitars?”
“Not at all, I’ll notify your homeroom teacher where you are.”
“Thank you” I left my chair, and dragged my body over to a guitar, seating myself on the ground, I started to strum. I rested my head on the wall behind me. When? I knew it had to come, I knew it was the end, but when? I looked down at the schools instrument; its sound was beautiful, it was the only thing on earth that understood me, the only thing that didn’t care about my looks, it only cared about that I had picked it up. It had found that special place, in my arms!
How come, I couldn’t find that perfect place, that beautiful world, how come I could strum the right chords, pick the right strings, yet I couldn’t pick the right friends. Why? What had I done, for this to happen to only me? I had never done anything wrong, my friends, now they were a different story.
How come my mind always raced with words and feelings that weren’t mine? I was going to die, and the world was going to keep on living. I was going to end, and the world was just beginning. Why? Why me?