[roses on the stairs] - Chapter 1

Our paths crossed
amidst a crowd of black satin
and false business smiles
I don't think we were supposed to meet
any other way
you waited until the moon was as full
as our bellies
and the music as loud as our pain
before you pulled your glasses down
and froze something in my soul

to get into your room
I didn't have to knock
I think you were afraid I'd bruise my knuckle
you called me upstairs to
admire a sin that could never be called art
I nearly ran into you in the carpeted hallway
and wanted to wave away the roses
tucked in your arms
"you can't, not for me" I whispered

it's discerning to notice that I'm not
placing my hands on your chest in refusal
if this were my hotel
you'd be uninvited

would you die with me
under the vulture ridden skies?

now I know how deep the strings cut

In room 117, you have the lights turned off
and the curtains parted
you're standing in the breeze, your gaze
defying the passage of time
but if you freeze it all
what good would it do?

I'm sure we'd all have ice left over

now I wish our paths had never crossed
in that crowd of jealousy and wine
but G-d wasn't going to let me fall
any other way
you waited until the parking lot was as empty
as my eyes
and the lights
as bright as my sudden capture on the cold cement
before you stripped down my defenses
and tore down something deep inside of me

to wake up in your arms
costed more than what I was ready to give
I think you were afraid you'd hurt me
you pulled me down into my memories
to shake my foundations, my core
I nearly returned the declaration of love
tucked in your arms
"you can't, not me" I protested

it's quite alarming to note that I
can't breathe when you intrude my space
'if this were mine' I
want to say
but it's isn't
I think I'm yours

Our parths crossed again
but from across freshly cut park grass this time
children ran between us
stirring dirt and flowers
I shoved my hands deep in my pockets
and you wrapped your arm around
the blind angel's waist
before you raised the rim of your hat
and froze something in my soul

beaten, whipped at the sound
of your psychotic voice
to have you behind me
I only needed to say 'no'
you cradled my broken body under
the autumn leaves
the pain you inflict within me
I beg for death
but I won't let your insanity
mean my demise
so I'll bandage my wounds and step forward
like I do in my memories

these days of wandering some great divide
has got me smirking at your bad eyes
why do you look so lost
without me walking beside you?
I wonder how many other
wrists bleed because of you?
I hate to be a judge
but I didn't want to be a victim, either

return to your parties under
the full moon
and find another broken soul
worthy of your madness