The Truth - Chapter 1

I was inspired to finally let this out after I met Eikyu and Zerox; both of whom birth-given names shall not be revealed. In their own way, they've led to more of us revealing who--and what--we are.

With that aside, the point. I wish to say more about Yukai Ureshii. He is not just another RP character or muse. As I have said before, he is me and I am him. But before, I had never been clear by just what I meant. Sure, he has the same personality and moods, big deal. What is so original about that? For you to understand, it began when I turned three--when I was far too mature for my own age. He first came to me in a nightmare--a gallant knight upon a white horse kind of way. It was of what later happened when I turned ten--maybe eleven. A woman who I had never met--Barbie--was hit in the back of the skull by her MR son. The nightmare had turned into a sickeningly twisted version of the event (at least to my child-like eyes). I will not go into any detail about the dream, but he--as I had first portrayed him with the tribal outfit--had been there. "From the darkness comes the light". This was when I first met him. Even then, he had no pupils/irises to speak of.

Though a lot would have been explained through the telling of the nightmare, I find even that too personal to tell just everyone. Afterward, he held out his hands to me and told me to take it. When Id id he turned to glitter and flowed into my body. From then, I began to act more like what his genetic make-up can be compared to: The Reptile. I would hiss like a snake, roar and growl like the fantastic Dragon. I even took it upon myself to 'communicate' with the snake that a man named Jared owned (in later years, of course). I even took it upon myself to tell my parents--albeit recently, though with hinting comments such as 'Look mom, there is a human under the bridge!'--that I was no longer mortal--that I did not carry the essence of a human. They most likely have forgotten this and I truly fear to tell, considering my mother is a therapist, but I think that they would now only find it the silly prattlings of a sixteen year old. I am following my inner, primal instincts and what my soul calls out and yearns for--not this human shell in which it resides.

I have come to accept that humans--though few there truly are--will always be a book sealed with whatever curses and buried in the deepest pit will never be open for me. I do not question it, though I still find myself curious as to how they work. They care about one thing but yet never each other. Or they just don't give a flip at all about anything--they only wander around mindlessly and never thinking. Though you or they may never see it, we find it each day of our lives. I have also come to see that not everyone--even my loved and cherished ones--will not accept me for who I truly am. Nor will they ever be able to understand unless they know, subconsciously or consciously, that they are not what they appear to be. They may say they see it for what it is. Between us, it is a silent understand that surpasses all speech and is communicated through a single glance. They know--and so do I. Though their soul may be a wolf or even a dragon, we know--we understand one another on that level. Though humanity--and perhaps even others--may not entirely accept us (consider it another form of racism), we still have each other. Because of the humanity issue, I and others have chosen to act the part of the shell we were placed in just so we wouldn't be judged strangely or considered cursed or mentally ill.

My reptilian nature is forever there and generally hinted at in my conversations. Though it may be subtle or utterly obvious, it is always there. Though human traits still prevail to tone down upon it, I find that it all is, quite frankly, a horribly disguised ruse. This is why Yukai is never shown as remotely human in the common sense of the term. As you have seen, he has his 'Blood Kyn' form and his True Form, the second in which he has no clothing to speak of. the first is as I am--the other appearance that everyone will accept. While the True Form in as it is called--and his nudity represents that. The unveiling and complete revelation of who and what we both are.

After I turned eight he began to appear again--but not as you would think. Every mirror or shard of glass I looked in, I saw his face. I would often shift between his three--actually four--different forms. (In dreams and RL) And I found it it exhilarating! Running, breathing, living, flying (dream-wise) as I was born to. As I had been in lives past, wherever they may have been. These shifts also represented my three core moods--Joy, sadness and silence. The latter two often intermingled while the first was the one I tried to keep. The fourth was truth, which I had tried to reveal to Sheanna who ultimately rejected it through fear, only to be understood by her friend, Kimi. Sol and Aron, I feel--and possibly know--are exactly as I am--though the latter may not truly understand.

Yukai's 'fake' or sadness form is as it is--wrong, unnatural. It represents that which I try so hard to keep up so that others may think me just even mildly or remotely normal. It s sadness, for I cannot be who I am around others.

Silence--his bestial or primal form. Duly named for it is unable to speak, drowned out by the rest of the world and lost once with a second thought.The silence can only be broken when the voice can be heard.

Joy, in the form most closely to what he is (I am). It is simple yet complicated, the same but different. This is when we are.

And of course Truth. Our true form--our soul, shown to all without restraint. It is the purest and most sacred--it just -is-.

I tend to avoid people entirely for not only through the fear of being an empath and taking their emotions and tacking them onto mine. I simply do not know how I should be/act around others. As Xerox said, 'Who would understand a person to whom one was nice avoids contact with?' You could say I was multiple personality, but that simply isn't true. But for those who need scientific proof for every little thing, even to know that earth does rotate on its axis and has day and nights, you can label me that. But you'll be wrong, and I'll simply laugh at your idiocy.

All things considered, the Blood Kyn were not something I invented one day and said 'this is it!' They were as I had originally seen Yukai; I simply acted as though they were a first-time creation since I wasn't sure whether or not they would believe where the design originally came from. The Danze Caste were what I had originally intended to be a sort of arm of the Blood Kyn. But all else had failed and the other three members (excluding myself and Aron) had left it to rot. This, and they were nowhere near what I had originally envisioned. I had tried to re mold that with the BK and bring the heart and soul back into it. Hence why I 'randomly' asked Sol and Aron to help me with it. With their so-called creation. This was how they were actually created--of an image of myself in the joy form.

I can not speak for others as these are my own personal experiences. My own views. others will obviously have one different from my own or possibly relatively the same. I don't know. But the fact that I believe myself to have a 'Blood Kyn' soul (this name better describes and relates rather than reptile/reptilian.) and because of that I will often refer to myself as one.I know I can never make a physical shift appearance-wise, but I don't mind since the sharpening of senses comes with simply being one. As for Yukai's appearance, I do have an explanation for certain things. His markings on the ribcage represents scars I had but have healed over and are hardly visible. His eyes show that thought it may appear that I see nothing, I see every little thing that goes on around me. Whether by sight or hearing, nothing gets past me--not even snide or sarcastic comments. I notice. Blue, red and white are the major colors of my aura, though every shade/hue/color is actually shown. As a rainbow-crystal child, these two hues are the ones that are supposed to stand out the most. His claws, horns, teeth, etc. show that even if I appear shy or distant, I am rather dangerous and that it is best not to bother me.

I can not honestly say whether other people are telling the truth or lying when they say whether or not they believe themselves to have an animal (or otherwise) soul. But I can honestly say that my soul is not (entirely) human. For those who pretend there is nothing wrong with that, but play it as so and never truly know what the animal genuinely is--I think of them as traitors to themselves and us; to the community of people who know just what and who they are. Not just believe it to be a chemical imbalance in the brain.

Since this is coming to a close, I thank those of you who have an interest in this and genuinely believe me. I also wish to extend a hand to those who know what they are--you aren't alone in the world. It just may seem like it since there are so many humans out there. Thank you.

~Yukai Ureshii~