30 Shards of Kagura

Murderer

Chapter 1

Murderer

Character: Kagura

Theme:Secrets

Genre: Angst

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Um...themes of violence.

No one ever thought that Kagura had any secrets besides the ones she kept for Naraku.

Because no one ever thought of her as an individual with feelings just like everyone else. In their eyes, she was Naraku's murderer. A living weapon of mass destruction.

No one ever wondered what it was like to be forced into the state of mind of a warrior since the day you were born. They didn't think about exactly how Kagura's mind got to the point where she could brutally slaughter hundreds and smile, feelings no remorse.

Behind that cockiness, sarcasm, and seemingly unbreakable spirit, there was the soul of one who had experienced nothing but violence and torture day to day.

Kagura wasn't always like this. Like everyone, she came into the world with a clean slate-no beliefs, opinions, or ideals. Like all of us, she only absorbed what she was exposed to.

For most of us, that is our parents and/or guardians.

For Kagura, it was her 'father', Naraku.

She trusted him, believed him, and absorbed everything he taught her. She called him her father. Never once did she question him-why would she? A child, completely new to the world, is subject to their parents' teachings until they receive outside exposure.

Armed with everything Naraku had trained her to be, she set out to the outside world for the first time. She was to slaughter an entire tribe of wolf demons.

There once was a time she would've been terrified at the thought. The first time she murdered someone she could not stop crying. The scent of blood seemed to haunt her everywhere she went. She heard the voice of the victim in her head, ringing over and over again...

But Naraku wouldn't excuse her. "Stop being weak." He had said. She was to be his fighter, and he was going to give her the mentality of the perfect fighter. No mercy, no regrets, even if her life was in danger. She'd kill, kill, kill. Fight, fight, fight. Full speed ahead no matter what.

And so he had her kill again. And again. And again. Soon, she learned to tune herself out to her pain. She became detached to her being while killing. She learned to numb herself to reality.

She slaughtered who she was sent to slaughter; ruthlessly, mercilessly, emotionlessly. Just as her father had taught her.

But the more exposure she got to the real world, the more she realied her father did not know everything. She began to form her own beliefs. She trusted him less and less...and she no longer wanted to force herself to follow his teachings. She did not want to mold herself into his vision of a killing machine-no! She was Kagura, not Naraku. She wanted to be her own person.

But since he could kill her at any moment simply by making a crushing motion with his hand, she could not. So, for now, she'd keep it a secret. She'd continue to cover her pain and act like she was invincible. She'd continue to blind herself to her inner torture as she did Naraku's bidding. It was okay, for it was only going to be until she was free.

Soon she realized that even if she did become free, she still could not reveal her secret.

She had murdered thousands doing Naraku's dirty work. They would all be out for her blood, not to mention Naraku himself would want her dead.

She couldn't change the past.

In the future, those from her last would most definitely seek their revenge. After all, although it was Naraku's work, he did it using her hands.

Every single day she lived was a war.

Even if she was free, she needed to survive in the war. In order to survive, she had to remain the perfect killer. With as many enemies as she had, and with no support, only the strongest would survive.

She'd have to keep pretending there was nothing more to her than this ruthless villain as long as she wanted to live. She played the part so well, everybody was fooled. It became a routine act to seem so heartless all the time. Her mask was always on. Her acting flawless. Her shield was never down.

Her biggest secret she couldn't afford to reveal to anyone was that there was someone different beneath her cruel exterior. She did not have a physical heart, but spiritually, she definitely owned her heart.

But she couldn't let anyone know that.