"Still the same"
Published on / 1 Chapter(s) / 8 Review(s)
I tried to imagine Vegeta's mental state after some theoretical sexual abuse by Frieza.
PAIRING (if applicable):
WARNINGS: angst and violence
NOTES: drabble 50 "Going through the motions" for 0-DBZ-Fanfiction@yahoogroups.com
SUMMARY: I tried to imagine Vegeta's mental state after some theoretical sexual abuse by Frieza.
I sleep, I eat, I train, and I kill. I speak only when necessary, I maintain the usual facade, but inside I am rotting away. Pain is eating me up inside, swallowing everything. Everything that brought me joy- the pain of other's, and their humiliation, and my superiority and strength and pride - has all been corrupted and ruined. I feel nothing but agony every moment. Then it boils into a rage that I cannot control. It threatens to destroy not only everyone around me but myself as well. And the crushing despair that has swallowed me makes me want that to happen- to kill myself as I destroy everything around me, draining my energy until my heart stops. The despair makes it seem alluring, makes me crave it. Anything would be better than this pain! I've dealt with physical pain my whole life- I can handle it. But this pain is making me feel like dying, like vomiting when I see food in front of me, like hitting and kicking and screaming. This pain makes me want to stop breathing, and to make other's stop breathing.
I grabbed one of Frieza's favored First-class soldiers and strangled him to death today. He said nothing, gave me no odd looks, he didn't challenge me in anyway. I just had to kill him. I should have done more to him. I should have beaten him within an inch of his life and let him be healed so I could beat him again, and again, and again. I need to release this somehow. It didn't work, nothing has really.
But I cannot let him know he has hurt me so deep. So I eat, I sleep, I train, and I kill. I do what I always did, I act the way I always did. It is all I can do.
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