Libraries: Poetry and Song Lyrics
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Im feeling a bit depressed today, luckily it always makes good writing!! least i think so. Its a part of this day's entry in my diary that i have been keeping since im 12 years old. I wanted to share it with you.
I think I am incapable of love, I fear my parents destroyed that capacity with my birth and childhood, robbing me of the most precious gem of all. Today, I realized that I have elevated love on a pedestal, where it is only to be idealized and dreamed about. I idealized love so much that I myself destroyed any chances of loving and being loved. In spite of all the love that I could have in my life its never going to be enough, nothing and no one will ever be able to reach my unseizable ideal .
I am waiting, I am always waiting after something. I am waiting after my prince charming and I have been waiting for so many years that now I realise I cant wait anymore for I fear he doesn't know I exist, what have I been waiting for?
Maybe I should give up my dreams, my stories, my imaginary. Reality has little place for a idealistic spirit like mine. Should I stop dreaming, stop waiting for what will not come? Maybe I should stop everything and keep going, keep going...Only achieving the achievable, and forgetting my dreams. Dreams can be so sad when you forget what their essence truly is and search for them where they cannot be.
Everything became so lifeless when reality finally caught up with me and force me to look at her ordinary form. Everything came to a grinding halt as the mystical veil I had placed over my eyes fell away to the ether.
I don't mean that life is dull and infertile, but sometimes I tell myself that the beauty and magic that has surrounded me all my life doesn't truly exist, that they are just a part of my dreams, a part of my disillusions. Without this veil that magnifies and shrouds, what is the world as I have always saw it? Illusions and dreams that reality can never attain.
And here I am waiting , waiting for the day when I'll meet my chimeras...what am I waiting for? Dreams? For the impossible to come possible?
Keep going, keep going and stop seeing what is not there, to see what is. Achieve what I can and stop dreaming.
I feel like life is falling away from me, one drop at a time. I feel like I am finally on the path that everybody is walking, the path that leads to one place only. I feel like I have irremediably lost a vital part of me, a jewel. I fear that for the first time in my life, I am not a child anymore. When the last glowing embers of dreams dies away, what do we become?
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