Vegeta's Christmas Eve Enigma - Chapter 1

 Vegeta’s Christmas Eve Enigma

A Christmas Gift For My Best Pal, Sasha! ^^

Capsule Corp. on Christmas Eve is a cosy sight indeed. The snow drifts slowly from the cloudy sky to coat the domed building, and the perfectly kept garden in a wintry white.

Inside the Briefs family’s home, however, all is not quite so peaceful.

Bulma: "VEGETA!"

Vegeta nuzzles further into his pillow with a tired groan.

Bulma: "VEGETA! GET YOUR USELESS BUTT DOWN HERE!"

Vegeta: (drowsily) "That God damn woman!"

Bulma thumps up the stairs, throws open Vegeta’s bedroom door and stomps over to his bedside.

She grabs his hair and yanks his head up.

Vegeta: "Damn it, bitch! Let go of me! Can’t I get a minute’s peace and quiet around here?"

Bulma: (in disbelief) "A minutes peace and quiet? Vegeta, we give you the widest berth possible 24/7!"

Vegeta: (indignantly) "Then why the hell are you bursting into my room at … What time is it?"

Bulma: "It’s two in the afternoon, Vegeta!"

Vegeta: (mumbling) "That pathetic, Earth-made alarm clock must’ve broke again…"

Bulma: "Well, maybe if you were just a little more gentle with it…"

Bulma turns to Vegeta’s beside cabinet and pokes at the smashed remains of his alarm clock.

Vegeta: (growls) "Whatever! I assume that you have a good reason for disturbing my much-deserved rest!"

Bulma: "You do nothing! All you do is empty out the kitchen of everything edible twice daily, and beat yourself up in dad’s gravity room!"

Vegeta: (sarcastically) "I’m so sorry, for not making myself more useful! I had no idea that there was anything else constructive I could do on this Godforsaken mud-ball!"

Bulma: "There is actually! It’s Christmas tomorrow."

Vegeta shakes his head and sits up in bed.

Vegeta: "And what, pray tell, is Christmas?"

Bulma: "Duh! It’s only the biggest festival of the year! You know! You’ve been on Earth for three years, Vegeta!"

Vegeta: (in dawning comprehension) "Is there a jolly old fat guy in a red suit involved?"

Bulma: (happily) "Yep, you got it!"

Vegeta: "Count me out of whatever deranged plan you’ve concocted."

Bulma: (ignoring him and pressing on ruthlessly) "Everyone decorates their houses and gives presents to their friends and family. Traditionally my family puts up the decorations the day before Christmas. Since my dad is busy in the lab (rebuilding the combat bots you destroyed!) and my mom has a bad cold, I agreed to put up the all the decorations myself."

Vegeta: (suspiciously) "Where do I come into this?"

Bulma: "Vegeta, this house is enormous! Do you actually think that I’d finish the job by New Year?"

Vegeta: "Forget it! Why don’t you get your beloved scarred wimp to help you?"

Bulma: (hotly) "YAMCHA is visiting a friend!"

Vegeta: (snidely) "No doubt giving this ‘friend’ a nice Christmas present."

Bulma: (with quiet menace) "I sincerely hope that you’re not insinuating anything, Vegeta."

Vegeta: (shrugging) "What about Cue Ball? What’s stopping him from helping?"

Bulma: "Krillin’s decorating Master Roshi’s house today."

Vegeta: "The half-breed?"

Bulma: "Chichi wouldn’t let Gohan come over, he has to study."

Vegeta: "The shrieking harpy?"

Bulma: (sighing) "Chichi says that she has to oversee Gohan’s studying."

Vegeta: "The Namek?"

Bulma: "Screw THAT! Piccolo would be even harder to persuade than you!"

Vegeta: (in growing desperation) "What about Three-Eyes? He can’t be doing much!"

Bulma: "As a matter of fact, Tien is off training in the mountains. I don’t know where and he hasn’t got a cell phone."

Vegeta: "The pot doll?"

Bulma: "Chiaotzu is with Tien and is just as unreachable."

Vegeta: "The old pervert?"

Bulma: (gagging) "Urgh! I’m not going to dignify that with an answer!"

Vegeta: "The flying cat?"

Bulma: "Puar is with Yamcha and his friend."

Vegeta: (smirking) "She likes to watch does she?"

Bulma: "You bastard!"

Vegeta: "The pig?"

Bulma: "No way am I asking Oolong over! He’d spend the whole day trying to peek up my skirt!"

Vegeta: (desperately) "What about the turtle?"

Bulma: "Okay, this conversation descended into utter ridiculousness pretty much after Chichi, but now it’s beyond belief! The turtle is a TURTLE for God’s sake! He doesn’t even have hands!"

Vegeta: "How about that ginger guy who works in the butcher’s down the street?"

Bulma: "VEGETA! You’re helping me decorate this house for Christmas and that’s that!"

Vegeta: "Kuso!"

Admitting defeat, Vegeta slips out of bed and pulls on his grey sweat pants.

Vegeta: "This better not take all day."

Bulma: "If you hadn’t tried to weasel out of it for so long, then we’d probably be half-way through by now."

Vegeta mutters sulphurous curses under his breath as he follows her from the room.

They go down stairs and walk into the sitting room. It is cluttered with big boxes.

Bulma: "I thought we’d start here since this is the main room of the house, and where our tree is going to be."

Vegeta: "Tree?"

Bulma: "Sure, see that over in the corner? That’s our Christmas tree, the biggest one we’ve had yet. We’re going to place it over here near the window and decorate it up with those little lights and silver and gold baubles from that box there."

Vegeta: "Insanity."

Bulma: "No, Vegeta. Insanity is asking to be attacked by combat bots, while in a room with the gravitational force of 500G’s."

Vegeta makes a scathing sound and glares around at all of the boxes.

Vegeta: (grudgingly) "What do you want me to do?"

Bulma: "Could you carry the tree over to the window? The guy who delivered it just dumped it in the nearest corner."

Vegeta effortlessly picks up the nine-foot high Christmas tree by the pot and carries it over to sit where Bulma indicates.

Bulma: "Thanks."

Vegeta: "You’re not welcome."

*** THREE HOURS LATER ***

Bulma: "Ooh! Isn’t everything so beautiful? This is going to be the best Christmas ever!"

Vegeta’s perpetual scowl deepens.

Bulma: "Now that we’ve decorated all the rooms we need to put the angel on top of the tree."

Vegeta: (scathingly) "What do you mean WE? Aren’t you just going to make me do it?"

Bulma: (shrugging) "Of course, I’d need a step ladder to get up there."

Vegeta snarls down at the angel in the frilly white dress that Bulma passes him.

Vegeta: (in horror) "You have got to be kidding me! I’ve never seen such a … a girly thing!"

Bulma: (laughing) "Vegeta, it’s an honour to be the one to put up the angel!"

Vegeta: (wide-eyed) "Some honour! How could you want this thing in your house? This flimsy, childish thing?"

Bulma: "It’s just a tradition. We’ve had this angel since I was a kid."

Vegeta holds the angel out at arm’s length by the tip of one feathered wing as he approaches the tree.

Bulma: (snickering) "That’s it! Put it right at the very top."

Vegeta glares at her and levitates up to the top of the spectacularly decorated tree.

He quickly places the angel in the proper place, and swiftly yanks his hand away from the little doll as if it is diseased.

Bulma: (delightedly) "Ah! How wonderful! I thought that we might have to tape her up there, but no, she sits perfectly!"

Vegeta: (gruffly) "What is the point of all this? On Vejiita-sei our festivals had no decorations or trees and certainly no frilly angles! We had fighting tournaments and great feasts. All this stuff is just a waste of time."

Bulma: (thoughtfully) "Christmas is supposed to be a time of good will so we don’t have fighting tournaments but we do have a big feast. All the food you can eat. All the booze you can drink."

Vegeta seems to brighten up considerably upon hearing this.

Vegeta: "…Really?"

Bulma: "Really! Don’t you worry, Vegeta! I’m going to make sure that you enjoy first real Christmas."

Vegeta: (rather sceptically) "We won’t have to do any more of this decorating will we?"

Bulma: "No, no, we’re all done with that now. I’m going to start baking some cakes and cookies for tomorrow."

Vegeta watches as she moves to leave the room.

Bulma: (looking back over her shoulder) "Oh, and … Vegeta?"

Vegeta: "…"

Bulma: (smiling and winking suggestively) "I hope you give me something nice."

Vegeta stares, utterly dumb-founded, at the empty doorway long after she’s gone.

Vegeta: (mutters) "Women, what an enigma…"

Nettie’s Note: Hope You Liked It, Sasha! 

Have A Very Merry Christmas 2005, Everyone!