God has done so much for me, I couldn't even begin to explain it all. The blessing, the forgiveness, and the mercy he shows me each and every day, it is truely amazing. Before I knew who God even was, I was in such a dark world. Turn off all the lights in your house, light a candle, and blow it out. Then try to find your way around. It isn't easy, especially when obsticles lie in your path, hidden by the shadows. You need that candle to guide through it, but you blow it out. The good news is that you always have an extra match or two in your pocket to relight that candle. Then all becomes visible again. At first it is hard to see, but soon after, your eyes adjust, and all is as it should be again. That is how my walk with Christ has been lately. Falling away back into darkness, but then finding that light again, and feeling that love of God again.
I once fell completely away from God. Life was darker than I ever could have imagined. I was blind as well. I couldn't see the mistakes I was making. I was tripping over everything, falling farther and farther away from the path I should have been traveling. The things life throws in your path can really throw you off guard sometimes. In this case, I was completely knocked off the path. God's warm light grew farther and farther out of sight as I continued to stray. My surroundings grew very cold, dark, and dim. I was confused and lost. "What did I do wrong?!" I pleaded to God many nights in tears. "Life was going so great! It didn't feel like the wrong thing then! Why do I feel so guilty now?!" I was so confused, so lost in all the thoughts tumbling around in my mind like an overloaded washing machine. I had let myself slip away from who I was. I had acually lost myself along the way.
My heart was covered in a cold layer of hatred for such a long time. But, that night, when all I had been doing wrong was revieled to me plain and clear, that layer began to melt away. Those nights were some of the hardest I have ever been through. I had never felt so full of regret and guilt. I cried myself to sleep that night. My dreams were filled with tears as well. Even as I awoke the next morning, tears streamed down my face. Even though it was so hard, and so difficult, I did make it through in the end. It took alot of prayer and appologise, but I got through it. And even though the confessions were painful, at the end of it all, I felt so new, and so refreshed.
Now to this day, almost exactly a year after all that darkness, I am stronger. Life holds it's hardships for me now, as it did then. But one thing is different now, I have allowed God back on my side. He has blessed me with so many undeserved gifts and second chances, I cannot even explain it. All that I can say is, walking back into that light was one of the hardest things to do, but also the best decision I ever made.
To all those out there who lie asleep at night wondering and wandering through darkness, try the light. Like walking out of a dark room, it may hurt your eyes at first, but they will soon adjust, and you will feel more complete then you ever have. Try it, get down on your knees. God is waiting; ever patient, ever merciful, and forever loving you.