No more Vomiting Rainbows

Posted Feb 10, 2017, 7:35:47 PM

When I was seventeen I had these summer friends, one was my age the other thirteen. We had some things in common lightly but nothing concreate so I pushed myself to be more like them, I bught a plastic wallet insert to put anime boys pictures in like they did, I worried more if what I liked or did was a sin, In 2010 when I was almost 20, they had stopped being anime fans, I asked them to come to the library and they did cosplaying famous actors instead of anime characters, half way though my friend's presentation on anime they went to look at books and didn't come back to the presentation. After that my friends and I were goofing around with them and the younger one took seriously when my friend of age 19 did the haruhie sysamika "black mail" skit ( This neither girl enjoyed or even understood it was all goofing about, the Grandma of the younger one came in saying she was to scared to come back into the library saying my friend really scared her, and that I wasn't allowed to contact them.

Over and over I've done similar in the past. I even made my hetrosexual character a gay girly boy uke fag to please Artchuu/Eva. And over and over again I've been vomiting Rainbows to please :iconmarieangel04: trying to like what she liked, putting down Sam manson, and currently even, fallowing rules I set for myself and she set for me (a six month test and only contacting her once every two weeks) to try and be close to her, and her work. What I said in my other post was true Marie tought me how to be patiant, self respect, even helping me to reconnect with Jesus and God, however she tought me to be patiant by making me feel bad for noting her with things, she tought me self respect by realizeing that this keeping me at arms laungth sometimes thanking me, priasing me, and interacting with me on subjects and then other times snubing me, giving me one sentence replies to things, not wanting to go into detail about stuff, putting me on a six month "test" to "prove" if I've changed. This is all Pyscological Abuse.

Marie will fight every word I say now, curse me out in her own way, perhaps even though some insults of the past at me.
But what this is is the very defiention of pyscolgical abuse Psychological abuse signs and symptoms may start small at first as the abuser "tests the waters" to see what the other person will accept, but before long the psychological abuse builds into something that can be frightening and threatening.

Signs and symptoms of psychological abuse include:2

  • Name calling (Read about: Emotional Bullying)
  • Yelling
  • Insulting the person
  • Threatening the person or threatening to take away something that is important to them
  • Imitating or mocking the person
  • Swearing at them
  • Ignoring
  • Isolating the person
  • Excluding them from meaningful events or activities

Examples of Psychological Abuse

The signs of psychological abuse can be seen in many ways and can be manifested in many behaviors. According to Kelly Holly, author of the Verbal Abuse in Relationships Blog, examples of psychological abuse in a relationship include the following statements:3

  • You're so cute when you try to concentrate! Look at her, man, she's trying to think.
  • That isn't at all what I meant. You'll never understand how much I love you.
  • If you don't train that dog I'm going to rub your nose in its mess.
  • I am more capable, smarter, and better educated than you. I will take our kids if you leave me.
  • Ohhhh...I'd love to smack you right now!

Moreover, Holly points out that psychological abuse can also include social, financial, spiritual and sexual components. Examples of these types of psychological abuse include:

  • Your body feels like spam.
  • Stop acting like such a whore. My friends are asking me if I let you behave that way when I'm around or if it's just something you do on your own.
  • In what world does buying that make sense?
  • You handle the finances for now; I'll step in when things go to hell.
  • How dare you spread around our personal family business!
  • Let me do the talking; people listen to men.
  • You took a vow in front of God and everybody and I expect you to honor it!
  • Keep your stupid beliefs to yourself; our children don't need you to confuse them.
  • Women are to subjugate themselves to their husband in all ways.

It's important to remember that any of these examples of psychological abuse can happen to either a man or a woman.

I know her, she'll say this is a lie, that she isn't toxic that she'd never do that, and that she was right I haven't changed.
That to is verbal abuse, is cutting me down to make it seem like I'm in the wrong. :iconmarieangel04: I want to tell you who I am: I AM A GOTH LOVING SLUT. I WAS NEVER A "FANGIRL" OF DANNY PHANTOM JUST A FAN I LOVE BOY LOVE, GIRL LOVE, AND MY FIANCE, I LOVE BDSM, I LOVE THE DARK AND MACOB OF LIFE AND DEATH I AM A PESSTIMIST BECUSE LIFE NEVER GAVE ME A REASON TO THINK OTHERWISE I HAVE AYSBURGERS, ANXIETY, AND DEPRESSION!! I AM A 26 YEAR OLD PERSON NOT SOMEONE TO MOLD INTO YOUR IDEAL FRIEND, TO GAS LIGHT TO, TO LIE TO, I'm not you. in fact I'm the 100% Opposite of you, your this preppy, God loving, Highly overly relgious, fangirl, and I'm this PJ wearing, pesstimistic, Relgion questioning, fan of things.

I'm sick of vomiting rainbows for you.
I want to go back to when I was thrilled to be called a Vampire as a compliment, I want to look into balancing my chakra's and my relationship with God.

Block me, hate me, do what you will, any and all pain you inflict will only be on yourself that is truth, any pain you inflect or try to inflict on me with your words on this or a note or what have you, will come back to bite you in the ass hard one day.

No more rainbows, no more fear, time to collect myself and learn another lesson: That I'm okay with out you, that I'm okay alone rather then with you, that the fact that this sounds like a Fucking break up letter to an ex is all the more reason I'm getting out. We all love what we can't have. I loved you to the point of emotionally killing myself and well "if you love her let her go"

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