Animeiac...you have to find these answers by yourself. Nobody can anwser them for you. The only anwser that you will ever find satisfying is the one you'll come up with. Many of the questions you ask makes me thinks of someone who's on the verge of some philosophical shedding. If you want I can help you with that, but you have to be willing to help yourself. Now I'm only talking about giving you clues to figure things out...I know books that can help you put structure in your questions and thoughts...its really just simple philosophy. Thinking by yourself.

There are no straigth answers for the questions that you ask. The questions are subjectives, meaning, all answers are good. There is no truth but the one you make for yourself.