There’s something that drives me openly crazy when I delve into the randomness of the realms of loose thoughts. How to put it into words – the way the hours of droning as buzzing ideas, pictures, and more pass as well as go. There is something at once stressing and thrilling in their coming and rushing off.

The coloring of my Isabelle and Buneary (a pokemon) pencil sketch in paint tool sai.

Dear folks, please believe in yourself.

I won’t lie, this world is harsh as heck. We’ve been treated viciously, both by our circumstances and by one another. You fight to believe in a love and maintain hope in not only yourself, but the people you care for. The hard lessons make the difference, though, I promise you. You are worth the wait, and it’s hard to feel like it is all worth it, or that you can find the drive to continue on even one more minute of this very day.

Allow that anger and passion, allow the tears and the heartache, allow yourself to feel it all, to consume you, and then let it go. Forgive yourself for what you cannot change or do about these issues and problems for right now, and don’t pray to be strong. Your not weak for being emotional, you have every right to be. You need to shatter , to let yourself feel, so you can heal and begin to make a change. And even if you can’t change anything other then your outlook, that’s okay too. There’s enough toxicity in your frustrations and the situation without being toxic to yourself. You are not defined by your emotions or what you are, and don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong for having either.

I encourage you to find what you can feel, what gives you some joy or peace, some semblance of energy, and let it set your soul on fire. Give yourself a reason to be alive, by allowing yourself to be free of your own negative expectations. Troubles make us hunger for a solution and the pressure is very stressful. Make yourself laugh at your worries, or your own fears. Take away the power of others’ who were so harsh by you, even if it’s just you who hurt you, by reminding yourself of that you have nothing to lose by loving yourself first, and everything to gain by taking care.

Yes, it’s devastating, it will not be easy, but kindly give yourself small steps, even one step to try every day, and when you can, when you feel ready, add on one more. Eventually you will find yourself having many more things you can do over time, or at least a consistent hobby or joy that can be done even for a few minutes once a day. It can be anything – from lighting a good smelling candle for a hour – to drawing a sketch for 10 minutes before bed. But, you can make goals after you just get yourself the drive to do.

So go ahead. Struggle or thrive, it’s all in your hands how you handle yourself.

Stay safe, and take care.

I have Blueberry Tea I tried, some changes to where I’ve been, and more!

Youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMbSLyooeec

Vlog: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilpw76UCEL8

Further updates of what’s been going on with me – my new hair cut finally revealed, and some other happenings are discussed!

Poetry – From 2005, on making choices

In the chest of us all lies the glow of light or darkness
Here lies the fire of each man’s heart
Here is the fire that burns brightly
And not always quietly
It will go out in a blink of an eye
Yet holds strong against the wind for most
For some it is taken even before birth
But it was always there when they first appear into being
For some it is nurture
For others torture
But it is always there, always glowing
Darkness tries to put it out
Yet one always stays lightened
It is as God
It is and was
And is to come
It has always been
And will always be
Just as light And darkness.

A poem I had written back in 2005, as a teenager that i shared here yesterday.