Doubt is a sharp blade: The Sharp Knife

 

<“Something is wrong here.”>

 

The intensity, and certainty of the thought… no; the conviction, rattled Pas. He did not think of himself as a wise, observant pony. He was a pony of action and order in his own mind, ready to jump and defend the shining, clear idea of ‘this is right’.

 

He did not like to dwell on shades of gray. He thought they were for wiser heads, but this… this crept up on him like a shadow. <Something is wrong here. Something is WRONG. They’re hiding things.>

 

And well, of course they were, right? They were… they were ROYALS. Sometimes you had to HIDE things to protect people. That was strategy. It was just a strategy.

 

It didn’t feel right. 

 

<Something is wrong. SOMETHING IS REALLY WRONG.>

 

It kept sneaking into his head and he’d catch himself pacing, or worrying a training bag until it started to bleed stuffing and he’d stop to sew it together. Granted he could have left it for the Pages but he needed things to do, to try and keep the thoughts from racing round and around in his head seeking answers. Questioning things he wasn’t sure he had the right to be questioning.

 

He couldn’t not question it. Couldn’t stop prodding at word choices like a bad tooth. 

 

‘Top Priority’ ‘Things we face’ ‘Non negotiable’....

 

He chewed his lip until it was almost raw, then found something else to kick until his hooves ached.

 

That was maybe why it felt wrong… no that he was sure was why it felt wrong. Those changelings that had been living here. They were citizens right? You didn’t sacrifice the innocent. It just wasn’t the way things were supposed to work.

 

Wait it wasn’t a sacrifice was it? They were just… going to the Hive. Why did it FEEL like a sacrifice? 

 

<Because she’s making them do it. Because she’s not asking if they want to.>

 

“What are we risking?” He asked out loud, but not to anyone in particular. “What is she gaining? If she could go without them for so long, why now?”

 

What out there could be so terrible that Dawn Bringer would surrender her own citizens to another queen? What was gained by returning them to the Hive? What was happening and why couldn’t he just stop chasing shadows about it?

 He liked the world better when he didn’t have so many doubts. It was so much easier, but then… he’d always been proud of not retreating from things that were hard. Even if it meant …meant this. Feeling disloyal. 

 

He felt a shudder run through him, fear and anger and doubt…and just a pinch of heartbreak.  Kettle probably would have jokingly called it seasoning. 

 

He wanted Kettle. He wanted to talk to Brave and the Commander and he even wanted to beg for an audience with Dawn Bringer. 

 

None of those felt like anything other than comfortable blankets to hide under.

 

No, he needed to find some of the changelings and talk to them. He needed to find out real answers. 

 

He needed to question orders.

 

Because something was WRONG here.