just needed someone to listen

lost_kitsune

Level: 13 | XP: 285

Alright, I’m on the brink of giving up, don’t worry, nothing serious, I’m just unbelievably sick of it all… before you give some very much needed advise, I want you to know a little about today.

Today has been the most emotionally straining day, there hasn’t been anything too terribly wrong, but I’m at the end right now, I can’t deal with all of it, I feel frayed, stretched, and exhausted. Coming from a teenager this must seem like all I’m doing is belly aching and I’m “not old enough” yet to actually know real strain. I’ve gotten that story so many times it makes my head spin. But those who tell me that don’t seem to know that everything they hear is the same exact crud I hear, only problem, I depress myself beyond all reasoning because of the installed thought of, I’m too young.

I feel helpless and powerless. No one listens to a 17 year old student who is none-the-less, failing almost all her classes. And today I realized all I want to do the exact same thing the blasted nation is doing, I want to give up, I don’t want to care about anything, I just want to let the current take me where ever and only be concerned about my own life.

I hear all the corruptions of government which is now to be expected, and everything that is far worse then Nixon’s day of Watergate, I get to experience first hand of a corrupt system where my family is bankrupt and can’t afford to live in a house that came in on wheels and is made of drywall. I go to school and am in a class of 12 students, two of which are pregnant, I can’t pay for gas or a car because the only job I can get is able by law to pay a minimum of $5.00 an hour, which they do quite happily, and gas here is now $2.84 to $2.89. I know with price compare that seems like it’s a low price, but the fact is, one gallon of gas costs over half of what I make an hour.

My grandma picks me up after school, which again, I’m failing, I’ll probably be on the 5 year plain. Right off the bat she tells me of my 15yr old cousin who is pregnant, and of all the problems she will face. And now I have two people behind me arguing back and forth between morals set down in the bible, and morals set down by human desire, thus arguing about all the problems set down by religion.

It’s too much for me, I really can’t handle it all and everything else I didn’t mention. I really hate to complain because I’ve been told so many times that what ever I complained about, it’s just an excuse. Any reason for malcontent is only an excuse. I’ve been programmed to the point of if I ever try to explain a problem in order to solve it, my reasons for that problem being here is only an excuse. How other’s see it, I’m only selfish and difficult because there will always be someone some where worse off then m. that I’m doing and thinking things on purpose in order to defy a system. Which maybe I am, but I don’t fail on purpose to defy the system, no matter how much I disagree with it, and I’m not stupid, but these are the only two reasons people give me as a solution, either I’m a spoiled brat or I’m literally stupid, other wise their system is so flawless that none can ever fail at it, and to change it would be ludicrous…I’m way off track….right, really I need a pick me up right now

And I’m the type that fights against the government, and regulation systems. I can’t stand how this country is run, and how mindless the general population lies down and accepts it all as inevitable. Nothing is being done and no voices are being raised. It’s not right and it’s one of the most emotionally straining problem for me because I know I’m young, I can’t raise hopes. I don’t have the right experience, I can’t form the right words to get a message across, and I can’t stand the thought of 20 more years of ignorance before I have to power to try and do something. I really do just want to give up, I don’t want to know it all, I don’t want to see it all, and what I was able to put into words is only a fraction of everything, between feelings, problems and discussions. I have thoughts without words and feelings without thought, I’m not a poet and I can’t make everyone understand perfectly how things are for me, or how I see things through my own eyes.

Heh, I don’t even need advise, I just need to say something, and everyone here was just unlucky enough to be subjected to it considering I verbally speak full thoughts even worse then I can write them down. Maybe I am just complaining for the hell of complaining. But everything I mentioned I can back up with an argument, you’d think that when you are accused of just complaining all the time that what you are complaining about would be something simple, like the taste of food, or the wrong order at a store…I’d say c’est la vie right now, but that isn’t true, it isn’t just life, because life wasn’t meant to be this hard, I don’t care what religion you are from that says we were damned to difficult lives, other humans were not put here in order to make our lives this hard. Just as kings aren’t appointed a position above all others because it was willed by god…

Right, I could keep going, but I feel a little better already and I’m sure all of this got old right after you started reading

So here’s to hoping life will go as planned and no one will ever live a planned life

Last edited by lost_kitsune on 21:14PM, Apr 21, 2006 GMT. Total edits: 3

Sliverbane

Level: 19 | XP: 275

I've been in your very situation. I had someone tell me once that I was negative. (Because my strong opinions about western society and religion) Well if tell'n it like I see it makes me 'negative' so be it. In the end I don't need them to define who I am. It's odd how the less confident and the weak minded tend to write off the driven and open minded as 'trouble makers' or 'loose canons'. Bah!

Be strong. I was 17 once and I KNOW how you feel. No one seems to give a sh*t! I may not be there to cheer you on - but you've got my support. Be who you are. I've been looking for people you (like me)and I'd be sad if you gave up now. This too shall pass.

Deep breath. Heart

Stand back...I'm about to do science!

lost_kitsune

Level: 13 | XP: 285

ah ^_^ merci, and the fact is, you aren't the negative one, you are the one who doesn't hide from the negative subjects. anywho, i'm feeling a lot better, just frustrated is all. i feel like moving to Canada...ha, there is another thing people keep yelling at me. it's so damn patriotic here that anytime i say i'd rather be somewhere else someone always has to ask why America isn't good enough, and then attempt to pick out everything wrong with where i'd rather be. it never seems to register that America isn't the greatest place on the face of the earth, and they aren't the only country with freedom, that is about the only argument i get is "America is the land of the free" yeh well Canada is the land of the free and the maple syrup! so there! everywhere has it's problems and i can't live with all the crap and views of America, beautiful land, just full of morons who make up the blasted majority...SO CANADA HERE I COME!!!! ^_^ and if anyone wants to tell me anything about Canada that you like, i'd love to hear it! right now i have my eye set on British Columbia, farther north where the American influence isn't as strong.

and i say again, here is to a life goes as planned and you never live a planned life!

emmet849

Level: 14 | XP: 120

Oh Baby Girl, I feel you. I think I understand where you're coming from! I wish I could help you, but I'm not wise and I don't have much to offer other than sympathy, compassion, understanding, an ear to listen, and a big internet hug!

I've been where you are. I took the opinion that the only way to beat the system was to play by their rules, learn about it, thrive in it, and then once people respect me, change it. Open their eyes and offer a different perspective. I'm still working on this plan, but I know how frustrated you must feel and I know that "frustrated" is a weak word that doesn't even begin to explain your emotions.

You are young, but that doesn't mean that people shouldn't listen to you or put you in a box that fits their preconcieved notions of what a 17 year old feels. You are obviously very intelligent and have a huge heart. These are some of the best qualities a person can posses, don't lost them and don't give up hope. Giving up is easy, sticking to it is hard, but it makes you the better for it.

You have my sympathies and my support, Babe. Please PM me if you want. I'm always here for you and I would love to speak to you more.

When all soldiers lay their weapons down, Or when all kings and the queens relinquish their crown, Or when the only true Messiah rescues us from ourselves, It's easy to imagine, There will be sorrow no more

"Sorrow" by Bad Religion The Process of Belief

LuciferDragon

Level: 1 | XP: 25

I'm in your exact situation right now. My fiance up and decides I'm not good enough for him (four more days and it would've been a year we were together), I keep getting bothered by everyone saying I don't know enough. Wisdom does not come with age, it comes from expirience. I'm only 16 and I know a lot more than what the seniors in my school know. I know right from wrong and I know what could affect my life.

I can understand where you need someone to listen. You try explaining this stuff to just anyone and they'll say "Oh it's only high school drama." Yeah, ok.

But no matter what, don't do anything drastic. Every life is worth living until it's actual end. No one will really know but you when it will turn around.

Qcvar

Level: 6 | XP: 20

On Apr 21, 2006 2:08 pm, lost_kitsune said:

...I feel helpless and powerless... It’s not right and it’s one of the most emotionally straining problem for me because I know I’m young, I can’t raise hopes. I don’t have the right experience, I can’t form the right words to get a message across, and I can’t stand the thought of 20 more years of ignorance before I have to power to try and do something.

It's up to you to effect this change. I don't like this world, and also I don't have the experience, so I know that if I want to change it, I have to get on top of things to get into a position to change things. You're really not all the far off - a college graduate will be around 22 and that's the age when you can start changing the world around you.

I highly recommend doing what it takes to get decent grades and into college - if this school isn't working out for you, try to find another one or self-study all that you can. You can do it. Believe that you can make a difference.

Sandra Day O'Connor graduated from this university at first planning to be a stay-at-home mom after she got married, even with her law degree . She later became a Supreme Court justice. Sally Ride, also a graduate, became the first female astronaut.

These are just people like you and me who have decided that if no one was going to make a difference somewhere, they would.

In a few years, you and I are going to be the ones that make up the vitality of this nation - the ones who are going to be driving it forward, the ones who determine the course of this massive boat.

Going to Canada is tempting, but my country has been here for me since I was born and raised. No matter how much I may hate myself, humanity, and the world, I cannot bring myself to hate the United States of America and everything it has provided for me.

If my society is going to hell, I'm going to hell with it. Hopefully, our generation will be strong enough to implement the changes we want to see before that happens. If there's something that I feel is wrong, I hope to be part of the team that changes it.

I don't believe that a human being dies when his physical form no longer functions.

A human dies when he or she ceases to fight against what he or she sees is wrong in his or her world - this struggle against a harsh reality. Once you have given up, once you have decided that there is absolutely no more that you can do - then, and only then, are you dead.

I have no reason to continue fighting, but I still do. I fight because I can.

Keep fighting.
Keep moving.
Keep struggling.

Last edited by Qcvar on 02:17AM, Apr 23, 2006 GMT. Total edits: 1

Evilmonk

Level: 6 | XP: 60

Life is just hard. It's not a "lay down" type attitude I'm giving here. The universe is always in a state of flux. Always changing. The greatest teacher in a way. Subtly showing us situations to adapt to, or to change. Canada seems great sometimes, and while I'm not throwing my 'I Love this country' smack out there, isn't that adopting a hopelessness? If this country is wrong you have to take it upon you to make it right. Age or not it's never too young to start. But the laying down you despise so much is exactly what you'd be doing if you run to the Great White North. Nowhere is perfect or we'd all go. No matter how you feel about your origins it's up to us to take the reigns and make it as good as we can. But the talk about 'ease of life' is kind of unsettling. We live in a world that has remote controls to find your lost remote controls and so on. But that itself is the test. We have to get out there and do something. Rally people to your cause if you have one. A lot of folks won't just because they would feel nerdy...or that no-one would take them seriously. Thats when you find out if you have the courage of your convictions. Go forward, alone if you must...unpopular and all. Or throw it in because no-one will stand with you. It's not you whining or complaining. There is something wrong with the world and you want it fixed. Everyone feels this. I'm 28 and I feel it. It's not an age thing. And I'm sorry to say it never stops. You could live a hundred lives and it doesn't stop. Action equals re-action. One persons happiness is another persons sadness. But Q is right. This is a human spirit issue. The indominable will to keep pushing and keep trying, knowing that it will never be a battle fully won. It's up to you to do as you will, and you will do whatever you feel is best...for you. The folks you read about in history took on thier needs BECAUSE they were hard. Everyone has a struggle in their lifetime, they had theirs, this one is yours and you are on the first and most important step of your journey...where to take the first step. It the hardest choice, but there is no right or wrong, in the end you can never deny your heart and your heart never leads you to wrong.

-Monk

lost_kitsune

Level: 13 | XP: 285

Action equals re-action. One persons happiness is another persons sadness.

that is what holds me back and makes me feel the most helpless. every action has an opposite and equal reaction, the only thing i can think of to wake people up and fuel change is by fueling rage with different degrees of protest, which cause an equal reaction of rage if not worse on the opposite side. there is no nor ever will be a civil realization of right and wrong, because there will never be a full agreement of moral. i neither wish to stay quiet, nor do i want to cause something far more violent than a protest. then there is the fact that, back in the sixties, there were problems that were one huge problem, Viet Nam, Watergate, ect. but now, there is so much that is going that when grouped all together is far worse then anything Nixon did but that fact it, it's not grouped together, and in a protest, you protest a basic problem. what am i going to do? walk out and protest the government in general....? i know the problems but i don't know the course to take for a solution, or even the right people to go to...i haven't a clue of how to find others like me....

anyways, thank you for your support and advise ^_^ it really does help me to sort things out and think clearer if i can hear the same thing from someone else in different words. heh, that's what i hate about here, right now, we seem to be in the phase of ignorance and refusal to look at anything from a different perspective other then from that of those above us. we've begun to give away our freedom while the government at media continue to feed us a line of nationalism, to fight for your freedom against other countries.

can't remember if i've stated this before, but the media is nothing. it's a puppet show. it tells us the basics with improvised details, just as a dictator withholds information to prevent violence, so does our government, the only difference is there are more people involved in our government....

Going to Canada is tempting, but my country has been here for me since I was born and raised. No matter how much I may hate myself, humanity, and the world, I cannot bring myself to hate the United States of America and everything it has provided for me.

i'm not saying i hate my country, i'm saying i hate the way it is run, and everything that the higher-ups are keeping from us, and how the nation just accepts it all as true, nothing our government is telling us can possibly be wrong. that is what i hate, and i mean hate, i loath it all. but not the country, nor do i hate any other country. but staying in one place when there is so much wrong i can't stand either, i do consider it running away actually, but i'm also not bound and determined to get out and never go back, i'm bound and determined to get out of this state. i may never leave, but it is a nice thought to go somewhere where i consider it far more durable, and again, no place is perfect, and when people rule over a majority, no place ever will be perfect because no one person is perfect, there are better decisions to make, but nothing will ever be perfect, and that is the life i accept.

just needed someone to listen

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