Crime Doesn't Pay


Goku's pregnant and he and Vegeta have been kicked out of their homes. Now they need to find a way to support themselves. This is one of the first fanfics I wrote, and it is based on two news items. They are at the end of the story. I didn't make them up - honest. Warnings...hmmm...mention of mpreg, some language, fluff.


by Pixelgoddess

Libraries: Dragon Ball Z, Humor, Male/Male - Shounen-Ai, One Shots

Published on / 1 Chapter(s) / 4 Review(s)

Updated on

Crime Doesn't Pay
By Pixelgoddess
Rating: PG
Pairing: Vegeta/Goku
Disclaimers: Of course I don't own them. Honestly. How could you think that? I am a goddess, not an extremely wealthy Japanese man.

"Vegeta, do we really have to do this?" Goku asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, fidgeting with a piece of cloth.

"Yes, Kakarott, we do," he snapped. "It's your fault we got kicked out of our homes before we were ready."

Goku hung his head, "I didn't mean to. I couldn't help it."

"You couldn't help teleporting into a crowded room..." Vegeta muttered as he dug through a small pile of clothes.

Goku groaned, hands over his face.

"...where both of our families were..." He struggled into a tight pair of jeans.

Goku shook his head in denial.

" grab my hand and put it on your stomach..." Vegeta yanked on his pink Badman shirt.

Goku whimpered.

"...and shout, 'Vegeta, our baby just kicked!'" He finished, pulling on his white gloves.

Goku wrapped his arms around his swollen belly and rocked himself. He'd just forgotten. He'd been so happy to feel the baby. He knew Vegeta would be too. He just didn't pay attention to who else was there.

Vegeta had left his hand there, smirking, as the room behind him erupted in chaos. He only removed it when Chichi and Bulma had come over to rage at the pair. Then Vegeta had stood in front of Goku, shielding his mate from their anger.

It was later that Goku realized how much he had screwed up. Vegeta's careful plans for setting them up were destroyed. They had been thrown out of their homes, basically with the clothes on their backs. No money, no capsules - nothing.

They'd been able to survive by living off the land - hunting and fishing. That would have been fine for just the pair, but now they had a baby to consider. They needed money.

Vegeta finished getting ready, then turned to look at his distressed mate. He sighed. Kakarott was still kicking himself - hell, he was still kicking Kakarott. It wasn't accomplishing anything but making them both feel worse.

He sat down next to Kakarott and put his arm around his shoulder. "Shhh, koi. It's alright. They would have found out soon, anyway. You couldn't have hidden it much longer."

"But Vegeta - do we have to break the law?" Goku said, laying his head on his mate's shoulder.

"It's the only way left. You know that. If that bitch of mine hadn't used her pull and gotten us blacklisted all over town..."


So Goku sat in a stolen car in front of a bank. Both kept their ki low so that Gohan wouldn't recognize them on a Saiyaman patrol. Goku sat in the driver's seat, his spiky hair was shoved under a bucket hat and he wore a pair of sunglasses.

Vegeta had turned his pink shirt inside out after it was pointed out that someone might recognize it. His gloves would prevent fingerprints. As he entered the bank he put on the mask Goku had provided - and immediately cursed.

The stupid baka! He had forgotten to cut eyeholes!

Vegeta lifted up a corner of his mask to see where he was going after he crashed into a desk.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

He looked down, watching his feet, and made his way to the counter.

"Money!" he demanded, holding a bag out to a teller. The bag was returned a minute later, full. He snatched it and turned to leave.

Moving forward, he walked into one of those stupid rope things used to make the ningens stand in line.

He growled in annoyance and lifted up the mask again, looking for the exit. Spotting it, he lowered it and fumbled his way to the door. He was almost there when he crashed into the steel doorframe.

He'd kill the bastard!

He finally made his way out the door and got into the waiting car.

"Vegeta?" Goku asked with concern, as Vegeta, still wearing the mask, slammed the back of his head into the headrest.

"Just drive, baka!" he growled.

Goku knew better than to ask and raced away.


Goku had cringed when Vegeta had started his rant. The prince had used words that Goku had never heard before. And the curses he did recognize - he was sure - well, pretty sure - they weren't possible to perform. The first minute or two he had tried to get a word in edgewise, but realized it was hopeless. Five minutes later, and he still hadn't repeated himself. He didn't know there were so many curse words in Vegeta's vocabulary.

Vegeta finally ran down, trailing off and muttering under his breath. He just stood there, glaring down at Goku, who was sitting on the bed, the bag of money in his lap.

"Vegeta, I know I cut holes. I remember doing it," he said quietly.

"Then where in the FUCK are they?!" he demanded, snatching the money, dumping the loot on the bed, and throwing the bag back at him.

Goku removed the bag from his face and looked at it. He suddenly burst into laughter, quickly stifled as his mate glared at him. "Vegeta," he said with a grin, knowing he was risking death, but unable to prevent himself, "They are right here." He held up the loot bag. "You grabbed the wrong one."


Goku was becoming convinced the baby was sucking his brains out. There was no other explanation for Vegeta's recent ability to convince him to commit crimes. He was supposed to be a hero, not a thief. But here they were, ready to rob a convenience store. The masks were gone this time - Vegeta still hadn't gotten over the embarrassment from before. In their place were hats and sunglasses.

Vegeta had written a demand note to give the cashier, but Goku wasn't happy with what it said. They had entered the store still fighting.

"Vegeta," he hissed, "You can't use that!"

"Why in the hell not?"

"You're threatening him!"


"You can't do that!"

"Watch me."

The exchange continued for several minutes in a similar fashion, Goku demanding a kinder, gentler note, and Vegeta not understanding what the fuss was all about.

"No," Goku finally insisted, latching onto Vegeta's arm and dragging him out of the store.

They stood arguing in the parking lot. Vegeta stood, arms crossed, fuming. Goku kept trying to convince him he was right.

"Fine," Vegeta muttered. "I'll rewrite the damn note."

"Good. No threats."

Vegeta shoved it into Goku's hand. "It's your turn to make a fool of himself. I'm waiting here." He shoved Goku through the door.

Goku turned to look at his mate for reassurance. Vegeta just waved him on with an exasperated sigh. Making his own resigned sigh, he made his way to the counter and gave the note to the employee.

"What's this?" the cashier asked.

"Read it." Goku said.

The teenager read the note, moving his mouth to sound out the words. "I don't understand," he finally said, confused, handing the note back.

Goku picked it up, looking at it, unwilling to admit to the teenager that he couldn't read the note. He handed it back. "Just do what it says."

The cashier took the note back and read it out loud. " What bag?"

Goku wasn't sure. Vegeta hadn't said anything about a bag. Was there a special bag for this? He hadn't given him one.

"I don't know. I didn't write it. Let me go ask." He went to ask Vegeta who was now standing just inside the door, tapping his foot in annoyance.

Vegeta's eyes widened in shock as he listened to the question. This was all the baby's fault. It had to be. Kakarott had never been this dumb before.

"Just forget it," he said, latching tightly around Kakarott's wrist and dragging him out of the store.


The cabin was warm and cozy, the blaze in the fireplace the only light in the room. Vegeta sat at one end of the sofa, his feet propped up on the table in front of him. Goku was resting his head in his lap, purring contentedly as his mate ran distracted fingers through his hair.

Vegeta's other hand had fingers entwined with his mate's - both rested their hands on Goku's extremely pregnant belly.

"I'm glad our life of crime is over," Goku murmured.

Vegeta snickered. "It was pretty bad - I don't know how we didn't get caught."

Goku chuckled. He had taped the news footage of the bank robbery and played it for Vegeta anytime he started calling him a baka. That shut him up real quick.

"At least you solved our financial problems - it's about time the dragon did something for you after all you've done for Earth."

"Hmmmmm..." Goku said, half -asleep. "But I still miss the Badman shirt."


Story 1
Police said a masked man who robbed a Modesto bank Monday forgot to cut eye holes into his disguise, occasionally lifting up a corner of the flannel cloth to see his feet as he fumbled his way through the heist, and crashing into the Oak Valley Community Bank's steel door frame on the way out.

The robbery was successful, and the man, who was wearing a pink shirt, big white gardening gloves and tight jeans, was last seen driving away with an accomplice and an undisclosed amount of money, Detective Tom Blake said.

Story 2
Two would-be US robbers left a 7-Eleven store in Mishawaka, Indiana that they had planned to rob after arguing over what they'd put in a demand note. The pair left the store to figure it out and when they returned a few minutes later, one of them handed the assistant a note saying to put the money in the bag." The clerk said she didn't understand what that meant, and the man conceded that he didn't either because his colleague had written it. The two men began to argue and left the store without fulfilling their mission.

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