Inu's Night Before Christmas - Chapter 1

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Inu's Night Before Christmas

by inuyashaloverr

Libraries: Humor, InuYasha, One Shots

Published on / 1 Chapter(s) / 10 Review(s)

Updated on

A parody of sorts of the poem, 'Twas The Night Before Christmas. Good thing Inu wasn't around then, hehe. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For the sake of the original poem and my additions to make this parody the only punctuation marks will be when there is the commentary of the characters, such as Inus mouth. Meaning the punctuation, or lack there of, is deliberate. Hehe... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BTW, I own nadathing, nor do I make money from nadathing.












'Twas the night before Christmas,
When all through the hut,
Not a creature was stirring
Not even the kit.

The stockings were hung,
By the fire pit with care,
In hopes that some fat guy,
Kagome said would be here.

The lecher and slayer,
Were nestled all snug in their beds,
While both had visions of hands... his...
On her ass, and hers up the side of his head.

With Kagome in her 'bag' and I in my... cap?

"What the fuck?"

We'd just settled down for a long winter's nap.

"Uh, wait a minute. I sleep against the wall!"

When out in the village,
There arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my wall,
To see what the hell was goin' on.

Away to the window,
I took off like a bat outta hell,
Tore off the mat coverin' it and shouted, "Ah fuckin' well!"

The moon on the breast...

"I knew the lecher wrote this!"

...of fresh fallen snow,
Makin' it look like it was daylight down below.

When what the hell came spillin' out
Before my eyes should appear?
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

With a little old driver,
So lively and quick,
I knew in a moment,
It must be St. Nick.

"Wait a second..." InuYasha leaned over, his eyes narrowed. "Is that you, Myoga?"

The tiny flea gulped!

More rapid than eagles...

'Hey! Those are birds pullin' that damned thing!'

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!"

"Great. Now ya went and woke up the monk, Myoga-Santa." InuYasha observed Miroku's lethargic movements... and was that a hand print on his face? 'Damn! What the hell does that bouzo dream about...?' The hanyou nixed that thought with a snicker.

"On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!"

"Keep this up and you'll wake the whole damned village!"

"Um, sorry, Master InuYasha. But Lady Kagome told me the story; that's why I'm here," chuckled a nervous Myoga in Santa cloak.

"To the top of the porch!"

"We ain't got a porch," InuYasha dryly replied.

"To the top of the wall!"

"Well," mumbled the hanyou, "at least we got that."

"Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all! "

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

"Myoga-Santa! You're gettin' this crap in my eyes!" groused the hanyou.

When they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky...

"Oh! L-Lord Sesshomaru!" Myouga-Santa exclaimed. The regal silhouette brought sweat to his brow and the flea tugged on the reins, taking his passengers higher. "Whew! That was close."

"I don't think the jackass is in on it, San-ta," the hanyou quipped.

So up to the house-top.
The 'birds' they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas, too.

"Saint Nik-o-who? I thought he was supposed to be some fat guy Kagome called Santa?" InuYasha snatched the book and rolled his eyes. "Getting a little carried away there, ain't ya, Myoga?"

Myoga, bestowing a stern look, leaned over to whisper to his master and the monk, "I am trying to play the part for young Shippo at the request of Lady Kagome, master. I was hoping you would comply!"

The good monk had the decency to look embarrassed, whereas InuYasha merely snorted. "Keh!" Handing the book back to Miroku, he pointed, silently telling him to continue.

And then, in a twinkling,
I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

'Hoof?' InuYasha thought, eyeing said roof. 'Sounds more like crows' feet to me.'

As I drew in my head,
And was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

Red, and slightly crisp, Myoga did a quick two-step as he tried to get out of the fire pit, bringing a laugh to his accomplices' lips.

He was dressed all in fur,
From his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished,
With ashes and soot.

InuYasha walked over to Myoga-Santa and picked him up, shaking off a bit of dirt.

"Thank you, Master InuYasha," said the humble flea.

The half-demon gave a "Keh!" as his only reply.

With Myoga-Santa back in business...

A bundle of toys,
He had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler,
Just opening his pack.

'Oh joy,' InuYasha thought, sighing, 'more tricks for the runt to play on me. What I do for Kagome...'

His eyes, how they twinkled!
His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses,
His nose like a cherry!

InuYasha and Miroku began to chuckle; Myoga was still red from the "fire pit" incident.

His droll little mouth,
Was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin,
Was as white as the snow.

"Whoa, Myoga San-ta! Where in the seven hells did you get that beard?" InuYasha asked with a glare.

Myoga stomped his tiny feet, crossed his little arms, and glared right back at his master. "I grew the beard just for tonight, if you must know," he haughtily replied as he continued with his task.

InuYasha and Miroku stared at one another and then shrugged. Who knew, and why the hell didn't they notice before?

The stump of a pipe,
He held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled,
His head like a wreath.

He had a broad face
And a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed,
Like a bowl full of jelly.

Lifting his head from the book, Miroku looked at InuYasha and asked, "Why does he fit the part so well?" All the half-demon could do was shrug his shoulders.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf.

The hanyou and houshi laughed, in spite of themselves.

Myoga-Santa eyed them suspiciously.

A wink of his eye,
And a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know,
I had nothing to dread.

'Dread? Ha! I'll give Myoga-Santa somethin' to dread alright,' the hanyou thought to himself, a smirk firmly in place.

He spoke not a word,
But went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings,
Then turned with a jerk.

Startled, the monk and hanyou backed away fast.

And laying his finger,
Aside of his nose,
And giving a nod,
Up the chimney he rose.

"Oi, Myoga-Santa!" InuYasha called up to him, chuckling some more. "Watch out for the flames in the fire pit!"

He sprang to his sleigh,
To his team gave a whistle,
The birds -snicker- all took off,
And flew like the down of a thistle.

But all heard him exclaim,
Ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all, a good-night!"

Slowly closing the book, Miroku turned to his friend. "Well, InuYasha, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

InuYasha leaned back and snorted. "Depends on who's gonna be on the receiving end of all Shippo's toys."

They both shuddered at the thought.

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