Thoughtcrime - Chapter 1

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by VendrediPirate

Libraries: Poetry and Song Lyrics

Published on / 1 Chapter(s) / 3 Review(s)

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Guess what this is about?



It's been nearly two years

Since I felt your hand upon my shoulder.

It's been nearly two years

Since I knew you were right behind me

Watching me, loving me.

We'd always been together

I was born and reborn, a new budding life

So young, so naïve

You were always there, someone to talk to

My brother, my friend, the Rock I climbed and the Earth I walked.

It was an inferno of a summer when I left

There I was in the forum, but where were you?

I began to wonder… had you ever been there at all?

In the valleys of depression,

The mountains of cheer,

Had you ever been there, for me, with me?

When I was lonely for such a long time

You were never there to talk to me.

You were supposed to guide me, teach me, direct me

But what had you done for me during the time

I needed you the most?

I'd always been taught

That every thought, every action, every desire

That wasn't for you

Was a dreadful, terrible crime.

In this forum

Nobody knew you

And if they had, they no longer wanted anything to do with you.

Where was my rebuttal, my Rock?

Had it all been a childhood fantasy?

Were you the person I thought you were, or were you less than dirt?

Did I really love you, or had I been told to?

It was in that inferno of a summer

In the midst of the crowded forum

That I left, and never looked back.

Instantly came the fear

What had I done? Am I insane?

Do you hate me? What will you do?

I've joined the crowd that you say hates you

The crowd that deep down, you secretly hate.

I had committed the gravest of thoughtcrimes

Am I a cold-hearted witch,

Or do I even have a heart at all

If I could do such a thing to you?

The thoughtcrime led to the real crime

I declared myself done with you.

I left you on that high ground,

With one less person following you, loving you.

I no longer cared if you loved me.

You didn't love me, I was just another groupie for you.

You didn't exist. You were dead.

I was free, free from you, free from my own warped mind.

Your groupies and buddies were not pleased with me.

They whined and cried and pleaded,

“Come back to him, do the right thing!”

But I had done the right thing. I stopped.

I managed to quit the dangerous addiction.

Never had I felt so proud, so independent.

I was my own woman, not yours.

But this freedom didn't last for long.

Though I'd left you, I went to someone else

Someone who believed what I did,

Had the same view of you,

And had this interesting power…

But alas, it didn't turn out well, ending suddenly but not badly.

So once again, I was on my own in the forum.

But this time I didn't feel alone.

I felt independent, a lone, brave young female

With a new look on life

And a new look about myself.

I may have been alone, but I was happy.

I had nothing holding me back

I truly, truly belonged in the forum now.

I am a human being, my own being,

With my own mind, my own soul.

But now you've returned.

I don't want you here.

I know what I'm missing, I know I used to love it

But I don't anymore.

I don't love you anymore.

You tap me on the shoulder.

Your nudge penetrates me, to my very soul.

I can't get you away.

Though I'd left you, you were always there

Everyone around me knew and loved you.

But I don't care how good your tactics are.

I'm not ever doing it again.

It was fun while it lasted, terrible when I realized what was really going on.

My thoughtcrime was my liberation.

I turn around and go back to the forum.

I'll never look back at you.

Never again.

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