Sex Ed - Chapter 1

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Sex Ed

by dragonimp

Libraries: Fantasy, Fullmetal Alchemist, Humor, One Shots

Published on / 1 Chapter(s) / 0 Review(s)

Updated on

Just a short, fun story of Roy teasing Ed. Contains a brief technical description of sex, but nothing beyond a PG-13 level.

Ed crouched down and scanned the shelf of biological alchemy texts, occasionally pulling one and adding it to the stack in his arms. East City's library wasn't as big as the First Branch in Central, but it still had a decent alchemy section. Theory of Accelerated Healing . . . Chimera Basics. . . Human Sexuality . . . Ethics and Morals of Alchemically Modified Livestock and Crops . . .

Human wha—?

The young alchemist backed up and frowned. That obviously didn't belong—he should set it on the return cart for the librarians to shelve correctly. He pulled it off, intending to do just that and nothing more, but then made the mistake of glancing at the cover.

Hormones and pheromones: the mechanics behind sexual urges. Also discussed . . .

A scientific look at sexuality? None of that stupid romantic shit? Ed glanced up and down the isle, then sat down on the floor and deposited his books in his lap. It couldn't hurt to take a quick look. . . .

. . . A pheromone is any chemical or set of chemicals produced by a living organism that transmits a message to other members of the same species. Many different kinds have been found in animals and insects, including alarm pheromones, food trail pheromones, and sex pheromones. The existence of pheromones in humans has not been proven, but has been suggested by several studies. Other studies have suggested that people might be using odor cues associated with the immune system to select mates who are not closely related to themselves. . . .1

"Not your usual reading material, Fullmetal."

"Wah!!" Edward jumped, and in his haste to shut the incriminating book he fumbled and lost his grip. The text bounced off his knee and fell open on the floor, and before he could retrieve it another hand picked it up. He responded on reflex: "Give that back!"

"Changing the focus of your research?" Ed started and then scowled when he realized just who was settling down in front of him. "You certainly did seem to be absorbed in it."

"I am not, shit-Colonel. It's miss-shelved and I was going to bring it to the return cart."

"Of course, that's why you had your nose in it. Checking for bent pages, perhaps?" Mustang smirked and flipped through the beginning, where Ed had been reading. "Ah, this one is so dry, though. You might try Sexuality and You; I thought it did a much better job."

The young man sputtered, feeling his cheeks heating up. "I'm not researching—that!" He pointed to the shelf in desperation. "I was looking at the biological alchemy texts!"

"Mmm, of course." The bastard chuckled, still flipping through the book. "Come now, Fullmetal, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's normal for a boy your age to be interested in sex."

Ed choked.

"To be honest, I was beginning to wonder if you'd hit puberty yet. Most fifteen-year-olds are already dating."

"I don't have time to date!"

"Ah, but I suppose most girls wouldn't want to have to bend down to kiss."

"Who's so short he—mmmph!"

He threw himself back from the hand over his mouth, flailing and barely catching himself before he fell over completely.

The Colonel calmly lowered his hand and turned back to the book. "We're in the library, Fullmetal. Rage quietly."

Ed growled, but righted himself and started to gather up the books that he did want.

"Even if you don't care to date, as such, that shouldn't stop you from checking out girls."


"But then maybe you're a little more . . . ah . . . active while away? If the rumors from Aquoya are any indication. . . ."

He paled, then blushed. "Th-that—that's different! I didn't mean to grab her! We were fighting and I only meant to tackle her—"

"Of course you did."

"Not like that!" Something in the way the Colonel had said it made it sound dirty. "Look, Mustang, I'm not a pervert like y—heek!"

Ed threw himself back again, but this time from the book the older man had suddenly held in front of his face. It was open to what seemed to be a rather . . . graphic . . . illustration of . . . of. . . .

Once the penis has achieved sufficient erection the male inserts it into the female's. . . .

He squeaked again and slapped a hand over his eyes.

"I must say the diagrams and illustrations are one of the redeeming qualities of this book, however dry the text."

Edward peeked though his fingers. The book had been withdrawn, so he sat up again, warily eying it where it sat in Mustang's lap.

"Unless. . . ." The older man seemed thoughtful for a moment, then smirked and started flipping through the book again. "Yes, that would explain your seeming lack of interest. . . ."

"Unless what?' he asked, with much trepidation.

"Unless you're interested in men, in which case the illustration you want is in the next chapter. . . ."

Ed scooped up his books and jumped to his feet, "Gotta-go-Al's-waiting-for-me—" then sprinted out of the isle.

Mustang chuckled and stood, heading for the return cart.

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