Not ready to let go. - Chapter 1

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Not ready to let go.

by b-o-w-a

Libraries: Angst, Harry Potter, Male/Male - Shounen-Ai, Romance

Published on / 1 Chapter(s) / 0 Review(s)

Updated on

Draco isn't ready to let go yet.

 I sat down at my computer, completely ready to write fluff.  Well…..yeah, about that.  That didn’t work out to well.    : )

Disclaimer:  Don’t own a single thing. 





                I pull his small body into my arms; coughing runs through his body, making him shake.  He’s small and frail in my arms, and it hurts so much.


                I kiss the back of his neck, connecting me with him.  “I’m here, Harry, right here.”

                His hand finds mine, holding tightly to me.  “I’ll be okay, Dray, go back to sleep.”

                I can feel a smile try to form on my face, but it doesn’t come out right.  It feels painful, to have one on my face.  I can’t remember the last time I managed a full smile.

              He struggles in my arms, trying to turn around to face me, but I stop him.  “Hey, shh, just stay there Harry; I’m okay.”

                Coughing rakes through his body again, but he continues to struggle in my arms.  “Just want to see you, Dray, please.”

                His voice is so small, and Merlin, it hurts.  It hurts so much.  “Just, just let me help you,”

                I sit up, gently wrapping my arms around him.  I turn him slowly, I try to catch his eyes, but he doesn’t look at me.  He hates this.

                He’s the savior of the wizarding world and he’s been reduced to this.  A sick man who can’t even turn over in bed without help, and that just pulls at my heart even more.

                I lean back down next to him, wrapping him in my arms.  I nudge my nose against him, trying to get him to look at me.

                When I catch his eyes, they’re full of unshed tears, just waiting to fall.  I kiss him softly, whispering against his lips.  “It’ll be okay, Harry, we’ll figure this out.”

                He closes his eyes, moving slowly closer to me.  A single tear slips through his eyelashes and I watch as he trails down his face.  I wipe it away gently, softly kissing his closed eyes.  A small gasp escapes his mouth, so I kiss him there too; trying to take away his pain.

                He pulls away, pain in his eyes.  “How?  How can you do this?  How can you love me like this?”

                He….he doesn’t understand.

                I hold onto his chin, forcing him to look at me, look me in the eyes.  “I love you, Harry.  That’s how.  I promised you everything I could give you, I promised to love you forever, to be there whenever you needed me, and this is one of those times.  You need me Harry…and if you don’t….I need you.  As long as I can have you, I want you, here, by my side.”

                I let go of his chin, caressing his check softly.  “I’m not ready to let you go yet, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to let you go, and I just…..I need you to know that I’ll love you, forever and always.”

                Instead of taking away the pain in his eyes, more pain shows in his burning emerald eyes.  “This has to be killing you though.”  He takes a deep breath, and I can tell that he’s giving in.  I can’t let that happen.  “I’m dying, Dray, before your eyes.  That isn’t fair to you.  I love you too, forever and always, you know that, but it would be easier if” he’s cut off as another coughing fit takes over his small body.

                This isn’t fair.  He’s right about that.  He was once the strongest person I knew, and now, now he can barely finish a sentence without having a coughing fit, he can’t stand by himself, he can’t even roll over in bed without help.  It isn’t fair to him.

                I once thought that magic could fix anything.

                Now I know he can’t.

                It can’t fix the thing most important to me; it can’t fix my Harry of whatever disease he has.  And it’s killing him.

                I pull his head to my forehead as he calms down.  “I’m not leaving you Harry; you’re right this isn’t fair, but it isn’t fair to you.  I can’t just let you do this by yourself.”  I stare into his eyes as I search for his hand.  I glance down at it as he does, a small smile flittering across his face.

                My hand finds the simple ring on his left hand.  “When I gave you this, I promised you forever and always, always by your side.  Just because you’re sick, doesn’t mean I’m going to forget about everything I said to you.  I meant every word, still do.”

                He turns back towards me, tears once again buried beneath the surface of his eyes.  He softly caresses my check, and I sigh into his touch.  “I just thought…..”

                I capture his lips with mine, a soft kiss.  I need for him to understand that I’m not going to go anywhere.

                I pull away with a small smile on my face, a real one, and kiss him softly again.  “I need you to rest now, Harry, please.”

                He gives me one of his half smiles, moving to rest his head on my chest.  I wrap my arms around him as he settles, his leg moving between mine.

                I kiss the top of his head, resting my lips against his hair.  I stare at my hand, at the ring that has become part of who I am.  Everything I said to him was true; I’m not ready to let him go.  Not yet.




I’m thinking of making a part 2, would you like me to?

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