-Yaoi- I Hate You: I Hate You

Sitting on the mahogany desk is a simple, glass jar. The morning sun shines through the transparent cup and casts a sea colored light upon the wooden flat. Inside this jar is nothing more than a pen---a pearlized pen the shade of robin egg's blue.


He rests his hand on the back of the chair, and then take a seat at the antique desk. His fingers trace the ingravings, a flowery pattern connected by countless vines, upon the edges of the desk. Brass handles, in need of polishing, connect to the desk drawers. He wraps his slender fingers around the handle and pulls open one of the drawers.


Lilac stationary. That's what he finds. Lilac stationary with delicately drawn flowers at the righthand corner. He lifts out a piece and rests it on the flat surface of the desk. Then he takes the pen from the shimmering sea colored jar. The tip rests upon the blank paper.


A long pause. Longer still. He has so many thoughts, but where to begin? Never could he express his words whenever he would talk to the stubborn boy. They always would come out wrong and start an argument. A hopeless sigh eases from between his lips. The pen remains still.


Silver eyes glance upward at the white ceiling. Bare and dull... and very white. Then to the window, as the pink morning sun welcomes his eyes. He glances back down at the paper. Words slowly start to form... the first... is...





Dear Okami,


What is wrong with me? Documenting such feelings like this could put me in the worst of trouble. But no. I have to do this. There's no other way. You were right to call me confusing. Even now, I confuse myself.


I love Torako. I do... If I did not... I would have left a long time ago... I almost lost her once... but I found her... and swear not to lose her again...


But then, you ask, why do I keep playing with fire and walking upon thin ice? Why do I continue to call upon you, even when we both decided it has to end? I do not know... At least, I don't think I know... Or perhaps... I do...


You're so infuriating sometimes... so... stubborn... controlling... parental... protective... serious...


I am laughing even now... thinking of your narrowed expression, showing your irritation. I think I hate you... I hate you so much... you anger me so much... you won't let me have my way... that's why I hate you... and hate you... and hate you...  


I hate you so much that I love you... I love to hate you... I love to love you... I love to see the ecstasy upon your face whenever I used to pet you... and stroke you... and make you feel... so wonderful...


That's what it became about for me... everything else I would ever do... would cause your utter dislike... and distrust in me... but that... those times we spent... I actually felt...  at ease with you... I liked to make you happy... and I liked when... when we were not cold to one another...


Now that horrible cold feeling... it's returned... I don't like it... I don't like it at all... I hate it..


I realize such emotions and feelings and thoughts and actions and sessions go against all I have promised to Torako... But... I feel ... honestly... torn between you two... You both... fulfill something in me...


Why do I know this? With her... I feel... different... a different kind of love... and when I make love to her... it is quite different... we... we're out to fulfill one another's craving for pleasure... and one another's need for love and affection...


But with you... with you... it's not like that... No I am not seeking pleasure from you Okami... I am seeking... some kind of... acceptance... And it seemed that the acceptance I wanted came best when I could endow you with that feeling that nothing else can give... that pleasureable, unbelievable feeling...


So what is it that I ask? I ask that you let me... let me please you... But never again shall we connect... in intercourse... no ... But I wish to please you in ways that do not involve the parts of me promised to Torako...


This probably makes no sense... I can hardly make sense of myself... let alone... how confused...yet.. sad I am... that you rejected me like you did... please Okami... At least until I have burned myself out... or we have grown to a new level of understanding each other...


And my new promise... one I plan... and will keep... I promise... that upon my wedding day to Torako... This shall stop... for ... by then... we will, hopefully, be at a new level... a level right now incomprehensible for either of us to imagine.



Sincere regards,


Sterling





Crimson eyes stare at the words, written upon one simple sheet of paper. The paper had been upon his bed when he came home. He lets out a sigh. Nimble fingers fold the paper a few times over. Then he lifts the mattress, and stuffs the forsaken paper  inside.


"So that's what you think of my feelings huh? Just gonna stuff them somewhere where they won't bother you?" murmurs a familiar voice from the doorway. Okami glances up, meeting Sterling's eyes with his own. For once, he does not answer. Instead he looks back to the mattress and makes it lie flat upon the frame. He smoothes out the wrinkles in his bed sheets.



"You know it's wrong, Sterling. Why can't you just accept it and move on?" the younger boy replies. More silence is passed between the two men. Sterling steps into the room. He walks behind Okami. The raven-haired boy takes a step away, but his hand is grabbed. Okami glances over and sees his hand, taken captive by Sterling.


The blonde man looks fondly at Okami's hand and traces his fingers gently over the soft skin. He pulls the small hand to his lips, and kisses it gently.


"Sterling... stop it," Okami murmurs as forcefully as he could. He pulls upon his hand. Sterling's grip holds. Silver eyes glance back at the stubborn teen. Their eyes lock. Those silver pools, they are filled to the brim, with an urge---A fiery urge. They are ready to overflow with a dangerous emotion. So hot they are, they cause a melting sensation within the pit of Okami's stomach. He swallows hard and his cheeks blush faintly.


Without blinking, without looking away, Sterling lifts the young man's hand again, up to his mouth. He opens his mouth, and the soft, wet tongue creeps out, and slowly licks one of the teen's fingers. Okami tears his eyes and his hand away.


"Dammit, Sterling, stop it!" he says again as he holds his hand protectively against his chest. The expression on Sterling's face and the fire in his eyes does not waver. Okami steps back again. His cheeks still retain their rosy glow. He backs into the bed.


"Why do you want me to stop, when you know and I know that you enjoy it?" the blonde's voice questions, the tone laid over with layers of suggestive possibilities. His arms stretch out, and wrap themselves around the slender waist of the trembling teen. Okami wavers for a moment, but then puts his hands upon Sterling's chest, and pushes away.


"Because... it's wrong," he says defiantly. The arms around his waist do not give, despite how much pushing he performed. Frustration pours into the moral ridden boy as his pushes become punches. Yet he would not give. The man holding him would not let go. He gives a final hard punch to the stomach. Sterling grimaces, bites his lip, shuts his eyes, and regains his composure. Okami shakes and shudders while his fingers twitch. The embrace tightens around his waist. Sterling rests a hand on the back of Okami's head, and pulls him against his chest. Okami grips his hands into fists, twisting the shirt fabric in his palm. He feels Sterling, softly nuzzling his face into Okami's hair.  


"I hate you too," Okami murmurs. The nuzzling moves down along his jaw, till Sterling has buried his face in the soft neck of the teen.


"I hate you... for doing this to me... you bastard," Okami hisses and ends in a gasp when the soft lips come in contact with his heated skin. He nips at his neck. Okami shivers and leans his head to the right.


The hand at his waist slips down his school uniform pants, and caresses one of his supple cheeks. Then a squeeze, and another stroke. A shiver runs down the raven-haired boy's spine.


"I do this for you," Sterling whispers into the other's ear, before nibbling upon his lobe affectionately. The teen leans upon him and shuts his eyes. The blonde smiles and pulls the hand from his pants. He unbuttons the shirt upon Okami, and pulls it from his shoulders. He then picks up the young one and lays him upon the bed.


The pants are slipped off of Okami's slender legs, followed by a pair of navy colored boxers. The teen lets out a sigh and stares up at the ceiling. Sterling reaches his hand over to the nightstand, and opens the top drawer.


"Oh... so you still have the lube," he chuckles. The one upon the bed blushes profusely. Crimson eyes shut and then he winces ever so slightly as the two coated fingers slip into his passage.


Weight is added to the bed as Sterling leans over the other. His fingers move in gently as they go deeper inside.  Okami lets out a soft moan. The fingers stop upon reaching the farthest depth. Crimson eyes open a bit and he inhales deeply.
The fully clothed Sterling smiles down at him warmly. His free hand brushes some of Okami's dark hair out of his face.


The fingers within move a little. Okami squirms and wriggles, then lets out a surprised gasp. Sterling smiles more, knowing he found the teen's sensitive spot. The tips of his fingers continue to rub against it. The moans from Okami become louder and turn into cries of raw bliss.



"Indulge yourself in the pleasure, Okami. Indulge yourself and yourself alone."