Saix Diaries: Chapter 1

I am … still unsure what the premise of this is. To write down one’s most inner thoughts - it seems … stupid.

Xemnas, however, puts great faith in his little reports, continuing them even now - after everything that has happened. I wonder what he writes in his reports today… certainly they are different from the first - from when he wrote as Ansem … and again, different from those he wrote as Xemnas the first.

I digress.

It seems to help him a great deal, despite my doubts and insecurities about secret matters he surely discusses in his, ahem, ‘journal.’ He was highly unstable when he first awakened, being one of the last of us to do so - and once we had him calmed down enough to realize up from down, he began writing, and it calmed him further still.

He is still, however, quite unstable.

If he were not still Number One to us all, I am sure Xaldin would have killed him long ago upon being dubbed ‘Linda.’ I feel lucky at times that there is no amusing anagram for ‘Saix’.

Perhaps, I shall discuss the changes I have seen in those who have … been ‘reborn’, such as I.

Xemnas, by far, has taken this the hardest. I do believe it is because he had such blind faith in what he was doing - opening Kingdom Hearts. We all did, of course, but he was the one who started us down that path, when our eyes closed he opened them for us. He was our leader - he had only his own faith to guide him … and now, when everything he tried to achieve seems futile and useless, he must find a new way to go on.

I have taken it upon myself to nurse him back to health - I cannot bare to see him like this … so lost and confused.

Xigbar, naturally, is next.

He was one of the first of us to re-arrive, I am still not sure why. He entices in me now, perhaps more than ever, thoughts of mass homicide. He is slowly beginning to realize that, in truth, he out ranks me … He has become far more irritating that before, and if it were not for my doting to keep me occupied I am quite sure I would have ripped out his spleen and made him wear it as a sombrero, with his kidney as an eye patch by now.

I will move on.

Xaldin - I pity him far more than I am repulsed by him. The idiot has succumbed to the most basic of instincts: Kill or be killed. He is rarely ever seen without his Ginsus, and does not hesitate to use it at any given opportunity. He has also become repulsing close with Zexion, a lucky thing for Number Three, however, for the young boy seems to keep him silently in check.

Lexaeus has not changed … much. He is still silent, still much stronger than I in a strictly physical manner. He stays out of my way, and says very little about Xemnas’ poor state - to which I am, ruefully, grateful. He has begun to take on strange hobbies, however, spending much of his time with the children of Twilight Town. It was suggested at first that his reasons were … far from innocent, however he soon proved other wise when it was revealed he was merely training the children to enter The Struggle.

I must admit his valiant efforts to become a rising underdog unnerve me - I would like to cripple him.

Zexion falls next - though there is not much to say about Number Six. He is still less talkative than Lexaeus, which is truly saying something. He seems not only to have stopped aging, but to, in fact, have jumped backwards a few years. He keeps to himself, as per usual - however he has been keeping company with Luxord as of late; something which I do not approve of in the least.

His main focus, however, has been reigning in the beast that is Xaldin - it baffles me as to how a sculpted man like Number Three lets himself be pushed around by a child.

Moving on.

Axel - I have already failed to kill him once, beaten by Roxas’s quick thinking. Permanently dubbed ‘The Flamer’ by our gracious name-giver Xigbar, Axel has managed to uncover one of my more … secret afflictions. It started with a dog, of course the hound immediately bounded with Xigbar, leaving Axel and his accomplice Demyx petless … and far be it for them to endure the pain of being without a creature to neglect.

Axel brought back a cat.

A pregnant cat.

I - am allergic to cats.

I could not see clearly for weeks.

Which also might have added to his escape four weeks ago.

Aside from his frantic feline fascination he seems not to have changed much … which is a shame.

Demyx, I believe, would not be nearly as bad if he did not have Axel to influence, and influencing him in return. The two of them have become ridiculously inseparable, and if it weren’t for Axel’s obsession with the child Roxas, I would think darkishly of this.

Demyx has become rather hooked upon what he calls ‘clubs’, which as far as I can tell involves loud music and dancing. This would not be half as bad if he would keep his nasty habits to himself, but no - of course not. Demyx must try continuously to convince the rest of us to accompany him on one of his nights out. He persuaded Axel easily, of course - and neither of them can hold their liquor.

I must admit I was impressed by Zexion’s quick use of the vocal recorder - an hour of blackmail at least.

Luxord has become relatively - insignificant - to me. I rarely see him, which is fine by me, and when I do he seems to be plotting … eager to get out of my sight. He has also begun to walk funny these past few days, unfortunately my mind has begun to wander and I have already attributed his awkward gait to the fact that Lexaeus has stumbled out of Luxord’s room two mornings in a row.

At times I wish I would have agreed to mandatory castration upon joining Organization XIII.

Roxas has again taken up his place as a self-righteous punk. While he is much more light-hearted and out-going this time around, he still acts much older than he is … and sees it as his place to reprimand us when we do something … ‘wrong’. I would like to smack him over the head with his conscious one of these days. It seems that Roxas would have a very colorful conscious… I would like to see it.

Mmm, yes … I can see where this would be a calming exercise.

Perhaps in the future I shall continue to … ‘write’. However now I must adjourn, Xemnas is attempting to shower.