Put up your Danes, sir!:

This story happens sometime in Season 5 in between the movie “Is It Fall Yet?” and episode 5:06 “Lucky Strike”. It is recommended to have seen the first movie and the episodes before it as I'm trying to use a few references to past events.

Legal Disclaimer: With the exception of Dane, Daria and the characters therein are not my creation and are property of MTV/VIACOM.

INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVINGROOM.

The front door opens as Daria returns home from a moderately bearable day of school. From the kitchen can be heard the familiar noise of Helen arguing with her cell phone and loud music was rolling down the stairs from Quinn's room.

Daria stops to watch the comical sight of Jake trying to drag an old mattress up the stairs.

DARIA: Dad, what are you doing?

JAKE: Oh hey kiddo, can you help me get this thing into the attic?

DARIA: Don't you have to have committed some offence before being dragged into forced labour?

JAKE: Your cousin Dane is coming to live with us for a while and your mother didn't think it would be right to put him in the guest room, so we cleared out the attic.

DARIA: Dane's coming over, so he's back from military school? (Reaches down to pick up the other end of the mattress)

Jake didn't answer but he did mumble a lot under his breath, something about long marches and latrine duty. The climb to the attic wasn't easy, the ladder up to the attic was less than a metre wide and the mattress was too wide too fit properly. But with a lot of pushing, grunting and frequent use of the word damn (mostly on Jake's behalf) they finally got the damn thing up.

Stretching to try and bring some relief to sudden strain in her back Daria looked around the attic. Jake had been busy, where once there stood stacks of dusty old boxes filled with forgotten treasures and junk now there were blank dusty walls. Several large sheets of wood had been nailed to the floor, removing the threat of falling down into the rooms below. The one window had been clean and now stood open to try and clear out the smell of damp wood and dust. Somehow Jake had also brought up an old rug, a dresser and a bed frame onto which he was now placing the mattress.

Daria turned to see Helen climbing the ladder.

HELEN: Well it isn't much but it's a start.

DARIA: And why is Dane coming to live with us. His family jump country and forget to tell him?

HELEN: It seems he was expelled from Military School, something about a jeep or car, I can't remember.

JAKE: Oh how I wanted to get expelled myself, it would have been better than spending the next few years with a bunch of boys who constantly singles you out...

HELEN: Anyway, (she raises her voice to drown out Jake's ranting)he had this Big spat with your uncle James and is coming to live with us until things cool down at home.

DARIA: So he's just going to be living up here and we just had to feed him and give him shelter. Kind of like a pet, I just hope he's house broken.

HELEN: Which reminds me (ignoring Daria's comment and checking her watch) Jake his plane arrives in half an hour.

JAKE: Awww… Helen I've been working all afternoon, why do I have to pick him up?

HELEN: Jake (with a noticeable groan) You know I have a big meeting tonight and besides James is your brother so Dane is more family to you than me.

Jakes answer was lost in grumbling as he descended the ladder.

HELEN: Daria maybe you should go with him, let Dane know that he has family to stand by him and besides your father has this awful habit of going to the wrong airport terminal.

DARIA: Call me Miss Anti-Social but a meeting with him probably wouldn't be in my best interests, I still have rather unhappy memories of our last encounter.

HELEN: (sighs) I was hoping you would have forgiven him by now.

DARIA: Hey! (Sounding very annoyed) he used my hair as candle!

HELEN: Fine Daria, have it your way.

Helen descended the ladder and left Daria alone in the attic. She and Dane had never really been on good terms. At her 10th birthday he had “accidently” knocked over a candle that had burnt her hair. Her mother had made a big fuss, Quinn had laughed and Jake had gone ballistic. Not exactly a birthday present she had wanted.

Contemplating returning to her room Daria also exits the attic. By now the music from Quinn's room has increase in volume and comprises entirely of the hottest new boy band Boys from the Street or the Alleys, or wherever, they all seemed the same. Heaving a great sigh Daria decided it would be less taxing to face the lesser of two evils.

DARIA: Dad! (She calls down the stairs) hold up I'm coming with you.

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EXT: LAWNDALE AIRPORT.

The camera pans across the airport as various planes land and take off. Jake's Lexis is seen parked out front.

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INT: LAWNDALE AIRPORT, ARRIVALS TERMINAL.

Daria and Jake are standing by the front doors, scanning the airport, looking for one familiar face.

AIRPORT ANNOUNCER: Flights 147 from Burkely is now arriving at Gate 4.

JAKE: That's his flight; keep your eyes peeled kiddo.

A large crowd of people emerged from the nearby tunnel; last in the group was Dane.

JAKE: Hey! Dane! Dane! Over here Dane (Jake waves at Dane frantically, Daria shuffled a few feet away from him).

Dane was from Jake's side of the family and it showed, he looked a bit like Jake. He had grown a fair bit since his last visit, which in all fairness was about seven years ago. He had also changed a quite a bit as well. His brown hair which he normally wore short and neat was now hanging just past his ears and was quite unkempt and he had a hint of a beard and moustache.

Military school had built him up; he was mostly muscle, his body in the prime of life yet still on the slight side. His face however was devoid of life. He wore no expression and his two brown eyes were empty, betraying no emotion. Yet beneath those eyes Daria thought she could see an angry fire quietly burning. He had changed from the eleven year old boy with the evil grin who had “accidently” knocked over a candle that had set fire to Daria's hair.

DANE: Uncle J (said in deadpan monotone) what a pleasure to see you.

JAKE: Hey my favourite nephew (holds out his hand which Dane shakes half-heartedly), let me be the first to say that you're always welcomed at the Morgendorffer house; we always have space for one more.

DARIA: After we get rid of Quinn that is.

JAKE: Well let's get your bags my man.

DANE: Ah, don't worry about luggage, I got it all here (he indicates a duffle bag slung over his shoulder).

JAKE: That's all!?!

DANE: I didn't have much of a chance to pack and I sure as hell wasn't going to go back home for my crap.

JAKE: What about clothes?

DANE: (Looks down at his white shirt, sleeves torn off, and green army pants) This will last me a few days. (Looks at Daria as if just noticing her) Hey, my cousin, how you been Daria?

DARIA: Oh just fine but life isn't the same without flaming hair.

DNAE: Always a comeback, (sighs with relief) finally someone with intelligence, those asses back the school couldn't construct a smart remark if they tried.

JAKE: Oh how I know what that's like, sharing a room with jerks whose brains couldn't fill a thimble and...

DANE: Anyway (cutting Jake off before he went into full rant) Mom will send my gear down later, that's if Dad hasn't burnt it yet. (Looking at Daria who frowns at the comment) Sorry.

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INT: JAKE'S LEXIS.

JAKE: YEAH, GO TO HELL YOU RECKLESS BATSARD!!!

It was the peak of rush hour and Jake's road rage was in full swing. Taking advantage of Jake being occupied Daria turned to face her cousin in the back seatswho was staring vacantly out the window.

DARIA: So… ah… why were you expelled?

DANE: (Not turning from the window) I may have driven a jeep into the Dean's office, and that jeep might have belonged to one of my instructors.

DARIA: Oh…

DANE: And there may have been several incidents involving some of my bunkmates.

DARIA: Incidents, oh god please let it be fighting. (She shuddered at the other possibility of “incidents" )

DANE: Yes, yes, fighting. (He turns away from the window)They encouraged us to get along with each other and they say that you hurt the ones you love. Apparently that doesn't involve breaking their teeth.

DARIA: And why were you taking such an interest in their dental work?

DANE: Status.

DARIA: So you had some sort of teeth breaking competition?

DARIA: I wish, I would have won too. But when you're stuck in a barracks with that much testosterone and arrogance you have to establish yourself quickly. I had to build myself up by knocking them down.

DARIA: I take it talking it out isn't one of your strong points.

DANE: (Shrugs.) They had it coming, its barbaric I know but it got them to leave me alone and besides its good exercise.

JAKE: DAMNIT, MOVE OVER ROAD-HOG!

Dane turned back to the window and Daria left him to his thoughts for the rest of the ride home.

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INT: MORGENDORFFER HOUSE.

The house was quiet now, Quinn had left on one of many dates and Helen was at her meeting. Daria lay on her bed, staring up the ceiling until Jake called up the stairs that dinner was ready. From above came the occasional thump. Upon arrival Dane had been busy settling himself into the attic, Jake had given him free run of what ever he found of interest in the garage to help him redecorate.

About half and hour ago Dane had noisily released his pent up stress on something in the attic. It had been loud enough to have been heard by Jake in the kitchen. He had been quite understanding, telling Daria not to go up until he had unleashed all his bottled up anger. The noise had been deafening, what he had been hitting up there sure had been taking a beating.

But now a different noise was floating down from the attic. It took her a minute to realise it was a violin. When did Dane play the violin? Unable to control her curiosity and for want of anything better to do she got up and left her room. She pulled down the ladder to the attic and climbed up.

Very little of the attic had changed in the few hours after Dane's arrival. He had made a makeshift curtain from an old sheet, which he now kept shut, casting the room in gloom.A small nightstand and a table with two chairs had also been brought up.He had also scrounge together a few luxury items including an old radio, which Daria recalled didn't work, a lamp, another two old rugs and a punching bag back from when Jake had considered a new career in boxing; that explained the noise from earlier. Also on the nightstand sat a book whose title she couldn't recognise, it appeared to be written in Latin.

Dane sat on the edge of his bed, eyes closed while the bow of his violin glided across the strings. The melody he played was captivating. It seemed an old melody yet it was also quite sad. He hummed while playing it and the sound reverberated around the room; its deep tone added a nice touch to the sighing of the violin.

Daria climbed the ladder and just stood there as he continued to play. He ended the melody with a single long note that seemed to hang around after he had set the violin down on the nightstand.

DANE: (not opening his eyes) May I help you?

DARIA: Um… that was quite an interesting tune, what was it.

DANE: (he opened his eyes) Mercedes' Lullaby.

The fire in his eyes seemed to have died down a little; Daria noticed his knuckles looked a little bruised. The punching bag would probably see more of that type of treatment quite a bit in the future.

DARIA: Sounded European. Spanish?

DANE: Yeah.

DARIA: I never knew you could play.

DANE: Neither did I, but mother pressed it onto me and I found I had the knack for it. Of course this only inspired her to push me further down that path.

DARIA: Parents (she shook her head all knowingly, remembering clearly her recent trip to Its Okay to Cry Corral).

DANE: Anyway, I heard some of that, that… noise that Quinn was listening to and thought this house could use some extra culture.

Daria raised an eyebrow.

DANE: What?

DARIA: It's just that… well… you never struck me as the cultured type (indicating the book and violin).

DANE: (Shrugs.) Culture is the sum of all the forms of art, of love, and of thought, which, in the course of centuries, have enabled man to be less enslaved. (He looks Daria up and down) You know, you haven't' changed much in seven years.

DARIA: Pity I can't say the same for you.

DANE: Yes (He glances at his book); I suppose I have changed haven't I.

DARIA: Don't worry its only obvious to those who know you.

DANE: (He stood up and walked over to the punching bag) Well, just after father (the anger instantly returned to his eyes) sent me to military school I began to see people for what they really were… stupid incompetents (He took a swing at the bag with let out a muffled “ thud”). I found this book (points to the boom on the nightstand), and suddenly the world of though opened up to me. I started reading so that I wouldn't leave school knowing much as the idiots in my barracks and so that I wouldn't have to speak with any of them. The books had quite an affect on me, I began to think for the first in years, and suddenly an intelligent conversation now meant more to me than anything else.

DARIA: Not much of those types in Lawndale.

DANE: Ah yes (he shook his head sadly). I suppose your mother hasn't mentioned that I'm transferring into your school during my stay. So I ask, what am I to expect?

DARIA: Oh the usual. A world were thought isn't considered cool and being attractive and popular is considered to be the norm. A place were a principal is corrupt and teachers spend hours fruitlessly trying to teach a bunch of tongue lolling idiots.

DANE: (frowns) Didn't I just get out of military school.

A smile briefly touches Daria's lips. Just then Jake began to call up the stairs that dinner was ready.

DARIA: In the mood for food substitute?

DANE: I think I'll pass; (sits back down on the bed) I still have a bag of peanuts from the plane.

Daria shrugged and turned towards the ladder. When she had reached the bottom of it she heard the violin start up again. Dane had changed she could only hope it was for the best as she remembered that angry fire in his eyes.

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EXT: LAWNDALE HIGH.

A Birdseye view of the school shows students moving quickly amongst the buildings as a bell rings.

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INT: LAWNDALE HIGH CAFETERIA.

JANE: Yo Amiga (joins Daria in the cafeteria line); I missed you at the pizza place yesterday.

DARIA: Sorry, I had a family thing.

JANE: Quinn have an accident? Nah if she did you'd be grinning. Anyway (stops to load up her tray with chicken drumsticks) you missed this amusing fight between Kevin and Brittany, apparently there breaking up again.

DARIA: Well it's only the third time this term.

JANE: So where were you?

DARIA: At the airport. My cousin got expelled from military school a few days ago and is living with us for a while, he wasn't welcomed at home.

Daria and Jane payed for their food and moved off towards their usual spot at the “unpopular” table.

JANE: Is this the cousin who used your hair for a candle?

DARIA: Yeah but he's changed since then. He can play the violin, quote French philosophy and seems to have a rather bleak outlook on life.

JANE: Sounds like my kind of guy. Is he that new kid that arrived today?

DARIA: Yeah, (stops and points to the far end of the hall) and there he is.

JANE: Uh oh. He seems to have seated himself at the “footballers only” table.

As if to illustrate her point a bunch of footballers, led by Tory (one of the bigger more ogrish footballers), broke off from the food line and made towards the table.

JANE: This won't end well.

DARIA: Don't judge too quickly, I think you're about to be very surprised.

The footballers stopped at the table and looked at Dane with a surprised yet menacing look. Dane seemed not to notice them as he absent-mindedly twirled food around on his plate with his fork.

TORY: Yo dude, I don't think you know this but this is, like, but you aren't allowed to sit here.

DANE: (not looking up from his food) it's a free country isn't it?

TORY: Yes, I mean, ah, seriously dude this is the footballer's only table.

DANE: (looks casually from side to side) Funny, I must have missed the reservation sign. (Looks at Tory and smiles at his confused look) Listen buddy, I got here first.

TORY: But you're, like, breaking the rules.

Dane didn't respond, he just sat there playing with his food.

TORY: Dude, did you here me?

Still Dane didn't respond and when Tory asked again he still just sat there. Seemingly unable to comprehend why this new kid was breaking the “rules”, Tory reached out and grabbed Dane by the arm. As quick as the wind Dane jumped up from the table and before anyone could react sent Tory sprawling backwards into the other footballers. The fire was back in his eyes.

DANE: Listen Mr Footballer, I've decked gorillas bigger than you so don't try anything with me.

Everyone in the hall stopped what they were doing and slowly formed a small ring around Dane and Tory. As one they began the ceremonial chanting of “fight, fight, fight”. Tory untangled himself from the other footballers and came up with fists raised. When Dane didn't move he threw a punch but Dane easily sidestepped it and grabbed hold of his wrist. In one movement he spun around behind Tory and twisted his arm up behind his back, forcing him down onto the table.

TORY: Ow, ow, ow man. I give, I give.

DANE: (Not letting go of Tory's arm) I did say not to try anything didn't I?

TORY: Ow, yes.

DANE: And I did say I got here first so that means I am allowed to sit here doesn't it? (He forced Tory's arm further up his back.)

TORY: Ahhhhhh, whatever man just let me go.

Dane let go of Tory and with the rest of the footballers in tow, left the cafeteria rather quickly, one of them said something on the lines of “That guy's frikken crazy”. Dane sat back down and returned to his food twirling. The crowd of people quickly lost interest and returned to their tables. With the way now clear Daria and Jane came to sit down across from Dane.

DARIA: I don't think he likes you (sets down her tray).

DANE: Are you sure it's safe to sit there? Supposedly I'm crazy.

JANE: Yeah but we got mace if you try anything.

DARIA: Dane this is Jane Lane. Jane this is my cousin Dane.

JANE: How do you do.

DANE: How do I do what? (Looks at her for a minute) Hmmm, you're an artist aren't you?

JANE: I push the paint around, how could you tell.

DANE: Your hands (reaches out and takes hold of one, Jane tenses but doesn't withdraw). They are delicate yet graceful, the kind that is made to fit around a brush. (Letting go of her hand) Also you seem to look at things differently than others; you seem to look at things creatively. (Thinks for a minute and leans back) Although I can't put my finger on what kind of artist you are. You're not a landscapist, nor are you a caricaturist. You're probably into the more abstract stuff. (Shrugs and turns back to his food).

JANE: (Aside to Daria) Wow, I like this guy.

Daria raises her eyebrow at her friend while Jodie and Mack sat down at the table too.

JODIE: Hi guys.

MACK: (To Dane) Man I got to say what you did to Tory was incredible.

DANE: Meh, he was just practice.

MACK: You think you might be able to teach me that.

DANE: You willing to pay?

JODIE: While I disapprove of your methods it was about time someone put the big idiot in his place. And besides, that was kinda cool, you sure know how to make an impression.

DARIA: Dane this is the Queen of Lawndale Jodie and her loyal knight Mack. Mack, Jodie. This is my cousin Dane; he'll be with us for a while.

JANE: Or until he learns to hate Lawndale.

DARIA: Which should be any minute now, the exits over there.

Dane extends his hand and Jodie and Mack shake it, although they seem a little cautious of him.

JODIE: (To Daria) Cousin?

DARIA: We thought it was fair to give Quinn one cousin she didn't have to lie about.

JANE: She'll probably deny that. Dane's little chat with football guy back there isn't going to sit well with the popular crowd.

DANE: (Frowns.) Are the rest of the popular crowd here as smart as that gorilla was?

DARIA: Welcome to Lawndale where the Intelligence Fairy look at the students and said “What's the point?”

All five of them smiled at the remark and the conversation turned to more casual talk.

NOTES: