Denial: A good person

I guess I should have known that she'd leave eventually. I would too, if it weren't for the fact that I was tied down here. She left because she was tired of this life, and she had no ties to this house to rope her down, except for me. But, wasn't good enough for her to stay.  I just keep sitting here and wondering why she didn't beg me to go with her. I would have refused, but it hurts to know I was given up on so fast. Maybe she knew I wouldn't go with her, and just left herself.

Wait, why would my sister beg me to go with her? I'm happy. I couldn't be happier.

Jane, my sister. She's been living with us for about a year, since she couldn't afford dorm life. Though, when she hit her six month of living in our house, she decided she wanted to get a dorm. I don't think it was because she was ready, or because she could suddenly afford it. Brooklyn just wanted to leave. She almost was angry about it. I think She..my wife, told her to leave.

My wife, Brooklyn. It's hard for her to warm up to people. It's just because she's shy. She's a good person deep down. I don't think Jane got to see that part of her. The only thing that Jane saw was the scratch marks on my cheek, and the cuts on my arms. She didn't see how kind, or loving Brooklyn can be. Because she can!

There are plenty of good things about Brooklyn. She's kind, she cares about our baby, who's a little girl and only four months old, she loves metallica, she's okay with tattoos.. She's a good person. Brooklyn's just suffering from post pregnancy depression or something, women do that.

The times Brooklyn's hit me before were when I deserved it, when I yelled at her, she hit me. That's what all girls do, all girls hit their boyfriends, or spouses when they're angry. Brooklyn is also strong for her size, so of course her punches would result in bruises. Jane doesn't get how strong Brooklyn can be. She didn't mean to throw that music box at me so hard, she just let her strength get away from her. She goes to the gym all the time.

Besides, it doesn't even hurt. I can't even feel the bruises, or the scratches. I'm  a big guy, a girl as small as Brook couldn't even pinch me, let alone beat me. I used to be a runner, and I was always into kickboxing in highschool. It was how we met, Brook was into regular boxing.

I was the first to call her Brook too, so that counts for something, it means we have a connection, and people that have a special connection with eachother don't get into fights. Brook and I have always been into boxing, we've even fought eachother a couple times for fun in highschool. It's sort of like what happens when she hits me. She's just going back to her days in highschool where she was in boxing, she doesn't hurt me on purpose.

She doesn't hurt me. It doesn't hurt.

Jane just doesn't get it.

Brook really is a good person on the inside.

I know Brook's a good person, I know all of her good points, I know how she's way out of my league and I'm lucky she married a loser like me. A loser that's twenty three with a dark blue badly dyed fohawk and full sleeves of pink and red koi fish. I'm a loser that's pretending to be a teenager when I'm not. Brook always tells me how ugly the hair looks, or how stupid I was to get the tattoos. Sometimes they make me feel good, seeing my tattoos, as they're my mom's favourite colours and type of fish. My mom died when I was fourteen. But.. now that Brook keeps saying it, I realize how stupid of me it was to get tattoos, and how ugly my hair looks, and how I should get contacts because my glasses are stupid, and how my lip piercing makes her want to throw up when we're making love. Or how the name Lachey is stupid and my mother was an idiot for naming me that. But, Lachey is a stupid name, I do have stupid glasses and an ugly haircut. I do have ugly tattoos and a stupid piercing.

I do pretend I'm in the past too much. I'm a bad person.

Brook's just trying to guide me in the right direction.

Brook really cares about me.

Brook's a good person.

Jane just didn't see that.

Though I miss Jane. Jane has a lot of good points. She really cares about me. She's super ambitious, and will stop at nothing to get what she wants in life. She wants to be a doctor, an actual doctor. I would have settled for being a nurse, but Jane... She always has to go towards the big goal, the almost unachievable. I was never like that. She has all of Mom's gene's in her. She's all about tough love, and knows when to tell people they're wrong. She'll always stand up for what she believes in, she'd never hit anybody.

Well, Brook would never hit anybody either.

No, I mean, she does. But not on purpose. she doesn't mean to hurt me.

She doesn't mean to make me cry.
Though, I don't cry.

Why would I cry about something so stupid? A girl hitting me. What would the guys think of that?

I don't cry. Guys don't cry. Big, six foot one guys don't cry.

Though..she isn't here right now. She's at work. I'm alone in our room. I can cry if I wanted to. There's nothing wrong with crying when you're alone. I bet guys do it all the time.
 One tear rolls down my cheek, then a million. My stupid glasses get fogged up, though I don't see it because my eyes are squeezed shut. I'm clutching my arms, just imagining how white my knuckles are right now. My million tears are soon accompanied by a small hiccuping noise that escalades into full on, miserable, choking sobs. I open my eyes, looking around frantically, as if Brooke was there right now, judging me, telling me not to cry, because I had a good life. Telling me I was being selfish.

I am selfish though. She's such a good person. She's so good to me and I'm just sitting here on our bed sobbing like a baby. I finally focus on the full size mirror across from me, and gingerly touch the scratches on my face while watching myself sob. I'm such a miserable mess. I'd be nothing without Brooke. I don't even have a job. My sobs instantly quiet as I hear a car pull up. My face goes white. I quickly lean into the bedsheets, wiping my tears on the bed, without messing it up. If Brooke finds any used tissues she'd think I was masturbating, then I'd be in alot of trouble, She might even kick me in the groin, like she did once when she thought I was attracted to another woman.

Though she had every right to. I wasn't attracted to that woman, but guys usually cheat right? She was guiding me against cheating.

She guides me.

I pick myself up off the bed and look at myself in the mirror. The scratch was bleeding again. She'd be mad about that, and insist I was picking at it because she didn't scratch me that hard.

I know she did, but.. she didn't mean to.

She always apologizes in the end anyways.

I walk into the doorway to greet her with a kiss. It's what she likes, and I like it too. It's our usual.

Because we're a happy family.

Because I love Brook.

Because Brook's a good person.