Comment 149931
Parent Comment
I enjoyed the read! I liked reading the moments before Vessel/Petal was hatched and the instinct to survive.
I think something that could improve your writing style is reducing the amount of similar adjectives you use. It's all right to sometimes use descriptions like "wee little" which both mean small. But I think you over use it a bit. Reducing it will make it read better in the future and make it take longer to exhaust your vocabulary before repeats. As well as increase the impact for when you do decide to double up like that.
My favorite part was reading how Vessel/Petal struggled to learn how to swim correctly. But the perspective of their small progress being big to him. It was heart warming to see the concept of how progress should only be measured against yourself.
I think something that could improve your writing style is reducing the amount of similar adjectives you use. It's all right to sometimes use descriptions like "wee little" which both mean small. But I think you over use it a bit. Reducing it will make it read better in the future and make it take longer to exhaust your vocabulary before repeats. As well as increase the impact for when you do decide to double up like that.
My favorite part was reading how Vessel/Petal struggled to learn how to swim correctly. But the perspective of their small progress being big to him. It was heart warming to see the concept of how progress should only be measured against yourself.
Comment ID 149931
Oh! Thank you so much for the great critique! <3
Yes I can see what you mean with the repeating words, I had some troubles the longer the writing went on (I feel like the start is the best from the writing, but then it deteriorated in quality as I found myself in a pickle of how to continue :'3 )
I always thought using "double" would emphasize it better and 'describe' it better xD
I will keep your words in mind for my next writing! Hopefully it will be better and consistent in quality <3 /gen
Yes I can see what you mean with the repeating words, I had some troubles the longer the writing went on (I feel like the start is the best from the writing, but then it deteriorated in quality as I found myself in a pickle of how to continue :'3 )
I always thought using "double" would emphasize it better and 'describe' it better xD
I will keep your words in mind for my next writing! Hopefully it will be better and consistent in quality <3 /gen
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