I sit here, debating how to start this off, a trip through my own self defeating ways and how it has help me as much as hurt me. How much to reveal, and how much I appologise when I open up and burden folk with my issue...How much folk has to put up dealing with me....the truth as I see it verus the truth everyone else see. Through all of this I have come to an conclusion...
This chat has no spell check so I gotta keep this short so I spare you all willing to read this from my typo and grammer error from hell.
I think the biggest issue is matter of perception. I see pattern, alot of repeating pattern....and they seem to respond around me in a certain way....This lead me to beleiving a certain line of "Truth" that my brain refuse to accept as falsh...
Your art Suck
People are annoyed or hate you
You are no one to anyone
You bored people
You stink as an RPGer
People are better off without you...
These "Truth" are a repeating pattern I keep feeling are confirm....And I hope for some of you, you may be relating to this a little, maybe almost feeling the same as well...and it hard to escape these "Truth" when they return...can not escape it. Your friends and the good folk around you tell you diffrently but it all ways seem in the end....your "Truth" remain standing.
Bordayus: "I find pattern are more akin to 3d puzzle peices...you may think you found a square, but turn it to the right angle and it an rectangle..."
The biggest battle I have with myself is to try to convince myself that this "Truth" I beleive in is a lie, that this is all in my head...and sometimes I can do it...most time I break down and cry....I feel horrible at times because someo of the time, folk from PD has been there to listen to me break down and I know they want to help, I feel guilty for burdening them with my stupidity. I am glad for them, and I wish to do more for them...And I do wish to appologise for all my trouble I bring onto their laps....I know my human can come off angery without voice context so all ways afraid people think I am upset and yelling at them.
If other understand feeling this way, Well Glad you know you are not alone :P We have a club now...do not know where the T-shirt went though....Think the other mental club stole it :)
Thank you all for your time, thank you to my friend for being there (And putting up with my nonsense), And sorryy for when I get moppy and depress at time :( HAVE a WONDERFUL DAY!
