This doesn't contain mature content but it does speak about death and depression. (Also Critical Role Series 2 spoilers, oddly enough).

My Step-dad passed away Thursday morning.

I'll be honest, it hasn't sunk in yet.  I didn't even know his cancer had come back (my brother R hadn't been told he'd had cancer in 2017) and it was 'he's dying' then the next day 'he's dead'.

I haven't cried yet.

I've cried several times for Molly and he was a character.  He was a character I identified with and had a lot of affection for as Taliesin Jaffe brought him to life.

And then he was gone.

I barely see my step-dad.

Saw, my step-dad, so I guess that's part of it.

My relationship with my mom is... complicated.  She lives in town but I hardly ever see her.

So I see my step-dad even less.

I don't know what's gonna happen to my mom.  An accident a few years ago left her unable to use her legs and I don't think she can take care of herself alone.  I am not physically strong enough to help her, nor have a way to get to her (I don't drive) and I don't remember who of my half brothers and step-brothers still live at the house.  I know my step-sister moved out when she got married but no idea for the others.

And again, I don't know how to feel.

I was angry at my mom for making me tell my brother M (they hadn't talked in years) and not letting me give him her cell phone number (he lives across the country with our dad and step-mom for mental health reasons).  Brother R isn't sure where he'll get the money to fly in (across the country but also north, he is married too).

And right now I feel... nothing.

Okay, I feel like a jerk.  But I've not processed what this means yet.  

So yeah.

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 8

OF VOLTRON ~YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED~

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I'm not going to rant.

There's a ton of that already.  The small bits of the Voltron that are the most vocal are the most toxic parts of fandom ever.  Sending death threats over ship-wars to content creators?  No, I won't be that person.

However, I do need a way to say my feelings.

They killed my Princess.

I waited 30 years to see Princess Allura in Blue Lion again, something that didn't even happen right away.  Something that made me sad at the start of the series and hesitant to watch.

I'm glad I never fully invested myself in the series because Allura sacrifices herself in a plotline that didn't make a lot of sense.

I grew up with Voltron.

I've wanted LAnce and the Princess to have a chance together for decades.

They get that chance, now that Lance has had a chance to grow up and Allura has had a chance to deal with her own life and story.

But nope, let's have someone destroy realities and instead of everyone in the Lions giving up a piece of themselves or even just drastically shortening her long lifespan.  Allura vanishes.  

And they have an epilogue to show, no, there isn't a way to get her back.

I have other issues with the ending and the series as a whole.  Again, this isn't a rant.

I cried.  I cried so hard because I love Allura.  My interest in fandoms comes and goes but I was ALWAYS Voltron.  When my dad sold my Blue Lion from being a kid, I bought a new one when they re-released them like ten or so years ago.  

Blue Lion was my Lion.  The water Lion.

Allura was MY Princess.

And they ended the series with her gone.

And that hurts.