Damaged: goku's lament

 

AN: Alrighty, here’s chapter 7. Hope everyone likes it Warnings: as implied by the last chapter, there will be a little V/G, and some abuse as well.

Quick overview: The story has come out of the memory state(for now) and is focusing on the affect all Vegeta’s problems are having in his life in the present.

This chapter is being told from Goku’s POV

Goku’s Lament

The morning after our…..disagreement….he served me breakfast in bed.

“Morning,” he said, smiling a warm friendly smile.

Well, what passed as one for Vegeta, anyway.

He loves me!

He set the tray across my lap and looked at me expectantly.

I licked my lips and replied “Good morning, Vegeta.”

My Voice was hoarse and tired, but I smiled back anyway. I knew it must have been a sad, pathetic smile, but it was all I could muster.

He leaned over and claimed my lips. I kissed him back fervently, trying to ignore the pain. But when he started to push me back onto the bed, I pulled away.

“Not right now,” I whispered, looking away.

I took a few bites of the pancakes, but I had to eat very slowly because of the pain in my jaw.

“I’m sorry, Vegeta. I don’t know what I was thinking last night,” I said suddenly.

I know, I know, why am I apologizing? Yes, It was him who had beaten me, but it’s just the way things work. I apologize and everything goes back to normal.

He stroked my hair and smiled again.

“It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Bastard! He can be such a bastard sometimes! Sitting there all smug as if this entire thing was my fault. I mean, I know a lot of it is, but I didn’t hit myself, now did I?

No, I don’t mean that…..he loves me I know he does…..

“I love you so much,” I said.

“Lets not talk about it anymore,” he whispered into my ear, biting my earlobe playfully.

“mmhm.”

Did he really expect me to just forget! How could I? He’s broken my entire ribcage, pushed me down the stairs, and beaten me black and blue so many times I can’t even count anymore. Did he really think I could forget that stuff? Oh no, I remember everything he’s ever done to me.

They were only nightmares! Those things never happened!He would never do that to me!He loves me, after all!HE LOVES ME!

And yet I cannot leave him…….or maybe it’s just that I won’t. Either way, I suppose I’m not going anywhere.

Sometimes, he can be so good to me! And others……..

I just don’t understand! Sometimes he’s just so horrible that it’s like there are two Vegetas.

But I loved him. For those moments when he was good and kind to me, I loved him.

I would gladly endure the worst of his beatings just to see him smile at me. I would walk through fire…….

But I know that if I am to have him, I must take the damaged part of him as well. The part of him that hurts me.

He moved the tray from my lap and pulled back the covers. He was now nipping at the old claim scar on my neck. I knew what this meant.

It was a sign of his dominance, a sign that he was the alpha male in this relationship. A sign that he could do whatever he wanted with me.

He slowly brought us down on to the bed , kissed me one more time, and then started taking off my clothes.

Please, Vegeta, not now! I’m so very tired and everything hurts……..I promise I’ll give it to you later…..please just wait!

I didn’t say anything. I didn’t really want to do this right now, but what could I do? I couldn’t say no.

Any resistance would most likely result in another episode like yesterday’s.

Or rape………..

He parted my legs and climbed up between them.

He loves me, he loves me not…..

I closed my eyes and turned my head. I did not want to see.

He loves me…….