2am freewrite: Chapter 1

Well what can I say that I haven’t said before, that’s what everyone keeps telling me, that’s what he tells me. I repeat myself over and over until the words drag slow and dull across his eardrums like a fucking screeching nightmare, I didn’t mean to do it, I really didn’t, but he doesn’t listen. He poured wax into his ears as I cry and daunted. I never will be heard, I sing into the night, never will be heard. so confused, in the darkness stumbling and reaching, crying as I always do. nothing has changed, all these years, and its still the same story. the same words. Over and over and over. I will tell them now, I told them yesterday, tomorrow I will tell you again, the same fucking story of this sad little life. So much pain in so little time, so little time for so much suffering, so much misery in such a short span. I need more time. Why is the clock laughing at me, turning backwards and forth as it teases my reality. The world is against me, laugh all you want. I hear the snickers through the walls of this reality. I’m in a cage built of illusion for the amusement of those that I am aware of. I see you too, you fucking assholes. You think I don’t, but I do. End it all, stop the game. Its not over, why can’t it be over? My turn should be done, I took my share of fucked up dreams. I gladly give this burden to the next innocent victim, Hate me all you want. Why is the night swallowing me into a pitch white room? So blinding and aggravating, for all eyes to see. Every flaw, they swallow me in, drink me in, judge me out. I hate you, I despise this, and I want it all to stop. I want me out, I need my in, I want the fucking pot of love at the end of the imaginary rainbow. Is that so much to ask? Do I have to beg? Do I really? Well I am, im on my knees, im begging now. Im asking for what I deserve, give it back to me. Oh fuck give it back, I’m on my stomach kissing your filthy feet, Give it back, just give me what I deserve, Give me what I need.