Obsession: Theme no. 71

The story of my life.. well it is a complicated story, one I don't care to dwell into but it seems I may not have much of a choice. I was born above- some call it Heaven, others call it Olympus, I just called it home. For the short while I lived there, in any case. I attracted the oddest of people, and for reasons that are beyond me, my own brother did not see the evil in the man I fell for. Though he was no regular man, for he was a demon.

I loved him with all that made me who I am, but realized belatedly that he would be the end of me. I actually only realized when I was emptying myself of my blood, staring at the crazed gleam in his eyes. He left me there, and I merely died.

I don't know who found me, who saw to my body, or anything of the sort, but I have a fair idea that my brother had something to do with it, as I would not have been reborn the way I was. I was reborn an angel, my memories utterly wiped, but my blood was the same, and my looks were exactly as they had been.

However, I grew up in a house filled with demons, where I kept company to the children and if I made so much as one tiny mistake, I was beaten within an inch of my life. It was hellish, but somehow I got out- when I was eight- a kind Lord bought me out of the house and brought me to another housing, another one filled with demons.. but I soon found out that I would no longer feel pain.

I was in a family of incubi now, and I was given to the son as his doll. He was five. By then I only spoken Latin, and my Master demonic. We got along despite the language barrier and grew up well. I was to feed him with my energy and his company kept me well and healthy. During the years that passed, we grew closer- no, I grew closer- and he learned to love me as one loves a pet, a doll.

We spent ten years together before he abandoned me. I should have accepted it, I was but a doll, should have grasped that but I did not, he was my Keeper, my all. I lost track of time while I was alone, all I do remember is that at one point I was fetched by an elder demon. I felt like his carbon copy, he was so much taller than me, his eyes the wrong color.. but otherwise.. it was like looking in a mirror.

I went with this stranger without a fuss, I was promised a swift return to my Master and it was all that could really make me happy.

It wasn't what it could have been.

I was ignored, completely, utterly and it just broke my heart. Still I was true to my Master, stayed still while my health slowly deteriorated- I feed through the positive emotions of others, it takes nothing from them, and gives me all the nutrition I need- watched him come and go from his room. Watched the few rare glimpses I could get of this mirror image that my Master seemed so infatuated with until one day he was he was simply gone.

This would-be Mirror, demon whose name I learned on that day, came for me, took me in, took care of me in ways I knew were likely not what he may have been used to. He was with child, the energy growing within him, and at that point, I became his almost-pet. I took care of the errands he saw fit to send me to, devotion slowly beginning to change.

I learned to love him, greatly so, perhaps even more than my Master and it was something that could not be helped. I kept to myself- I was asked no questions about how I may have felt and it was best as my angel-blood made me unable to lie- and things went smoothly. The child was born and I then became his nurse- so to speak. I saw to his company, bathed him when my temporary Master was not busy with him or the child not with the Lord. His purely positive energy kept me so well fed that I could not have asked for better.

One day however, as I was walking him back to our room, my True Master walked by, I fear I never actually noticed him.. and he snapped. As was true to his nature, how he had been raised- his father during his youth kept on telling me that no doll was a true doll unless its mind was broken- he broke my mind. I became a doll without a mind of my own. He cursed the child- whom he was as much the father as I was (too long a story to get into at this point, trust me)- and took me back to his room. We stayed but a few days more before he was packing and we left.

Mindless as I was, I would have followed him to the end of the world, if it were not for the fact that we stumbled upon Master's grandfather. Now I have a history with the man, when I was younger he nearly tore my throat off, I have been terrified of him ever since. When the man found us.. I think my mind must have cleared if only for a moment as I broke away from my Master and ran off, away.

My brother found me, I was starving, near dead again, my mind confused and still so very broken. It was five years more before I was back to my true self, my once self of so long ago, this ageless being who, ironically.. was older than his mirror image. I remembered everything and I knew I could never go back, no matter the craving I had to see my Mirror again, he.. I craved him, I was obsessed and my sibling saw it.

He kept me home, knew it was better, but he allowed me a gift from one of the Gods we have befriended long ago. It was an orb, through which I could see everything, and I did. I watched him, them, their every waking moment and sought to ignore the burning jealousy that slowly began to consume me.

I watched them until the accursed wedding before I lost it. I went into solitary- you have to understand, 'solitary' is a self-imposed thing, we do as some monks in monastery do, lock ourselves away and say not a word until we know we have been in silence long enough to calm down.

I stayed in solitary for fifteen years.

To this day.. I still catch myself watching them, but at this point, I merely catch glimpses as I know if I try for more I will have to go back to solitary. An obsession is not a good thing for an Arch Angel, especially not one of Mercy.

I'm actually planning a visit, but I only am going to see him and perhaps my son- if he will see me. Neither my once Master, nor my Mirror have seen me in.. twenty five.. thirty years now? Not a long time span for one who does not age, who does not die, but long enough for a child.

The other day, however, as I caught a glimpse, the words that escaped my mouth were bitter still and made me think twice about visiting, "..Am I not good enough for you?" after all.. who would want a once-doll, a pet, an angel, when they could have a child-demon- for that is what my once Master is to me, a child, never to be my age- who is Emperor?

No matter, I will visit for my son and no one else. No obsession is healthy, and I cannot go on living this way, I will seek closure and be on my way again. I have an adoptive son to see to, one my brother has brought to me from the orphanage. He will be my center of attention, my student, my child, the sole reason for my survival. My one.