Still Not So Suave.: Still Not So Suave

For: Peridot, who inspired this ficlet :3

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Balthier was bored. He, Vaan, and Fran were still plodding along towards the Golmore Jungle. How big was this bloody plain anyway? His rear end was getting sore from sitting for so long. The sun was setting and they’d soon have to make camp. The pirate’s gaze wandered from the cloudless, pinking sky to the delicious-looking nape of Vaan’s neck. A positively evil smirk curled Balthier’s lips. Suddenly he knew how to entertain himself…

As usual, Vaan was being hypnotized by Fran’s hair, watching it swing back and forth as her chocobo trotted along. He didn’t feel the first brush of Balthier’s lips on the back of his neck, but he certainly felt the nip the man placed there seconds later.

“Ah!?” He exclaimed, jolting slightly.

“Shh… or Fran will hear you…” Balthier murmured, snaking his tongue out to lick Vaan’s ear. “She can’t hear as well when she’s facing away from us, but it’s always best to be cautious.”

The blond shivered. “Balthier, you depraved bastard. Not here.”

“Couldn’t hear you clearly there, Vaan. Did you say ‘here’?” Balthier grinned, biting the very sensitive point where Vaan’s neck and shoulder met.

“Y-you can hear me just fine!” Vaan murmured, squirming around.

The blond’s chocobo clicked its beak impatiently. It could feel Vaan’s legs becoming tense.

“It’s fine? I’m glad.” Balthier continued to grin, tipping Vaan’s head back and sucking lightly on the blond’s throat.

“Balthier! I can’t see where I’m going!” The teen hissed.

“The bird is following Fran, my little thief.” Balthier murmured, running his tongue over a cord in Vaan’s throat. “You don’t need to see where you’re going.”

The blond let out an exasperated sigh, “Balthier, st-ah…!”

The pirate chuckled. Oh how he loved the fact that Vaan had a sensitive neck. It wouldn’t take much before the blond melted like ice in the sun. And indeed it only took a few moments of sucking and nibbling on the soft skin beneath Vaan’s ear before the teen leaned back against Balthier, positively mewling in pleasure.

“Mmm… now that’s better…” Balthier smirked, lapping at Vaan’s throat as his hands slowly trailed down the blond’s torso.

Vaan clapped one hand over his mouth to keep a moan in as one of Balthier’s rough, callused fingers dipped into his navel. He was so caught up in Balthier’s kisses and light touches that he didn’t notice that his chocobo was becoming agitated. It didn’t like the lax grip on the reins nor the fact that Vaan’s legs were squeezing it rather tightly. Still smirking like a sly fox, Balthier kissed his way down to Vaan’s shoulder while his fingers teasingly brushed against the fly of Vaan’s pants.

“Balthier…” Vaan cast a wary look at Fran, who was still plodding along on her chocobo.

“You worry too much…” The pirate murmured against his blond’s skin.

“You are such a-“

But what he was Balthier never found out as Vaan had to clamp a hand over his mouth again to stifle a groan. The man gently bit Vaan’s ear as he splayed his fingers over the blond’s crotch, rubbing slowly. Vaan let go of the reins entirely and the bird really hated that. The reins were long and it had to walk funny to prevent itself from stepping on them. As Vaan and Balthier were lost in their own little world neither noticed their mount’s strange gait.

The chocobo didn’t like this at all. It had no idea what was going on, why its riders were being so inattentive. The bird twisted its head around to regard the duo with one black beady eye. It seemed the annoying brunette rider was hurting the blond one and this was causing the lack of proper attention. Well, it would fix that!

Slight movement caught Balthier’s eye and he lifted his head up… just in time to catch a face full of the chocobo’s hard beak. Balthier’s nose exploded with pain and he toppled off backwards. He only had time to release Vaan so he wouldn’t take the blond with him. Fran turned in her seat to see Balthier curled up on the ground while Vaan’s chocobo stomped on him repeatedly. Vaan had a hold of the bird’s reins again and was trying to pull the bird away from Balthier. The viera sighed, they’d never get to Golmore Jungle, and trotted over to Vaan. She grabbed the reins from the teen’s hands and pulled hard, directing the chocobo to a clump of trees.

“Away with you, you ridiculous beast.” She said.

The chocobo shot a mutinous look at Fran, received one in turn from the viera, and reluctantly trotted away. Once they reached the trees Vaan quickly jumped down, tethered his bird to a branch, and ran back towards Balthier. Fran was already standing beside him as he sat there looking distinctly trodden-on. Blood was flowing freely from his nose.

“Bloody beasts.” He muttered, pressing one finger under his nose to stem the bleeding. “Rob me of my dignity and now my pleasure.”

Fran’s lips were twitching convulsively. As her friend was not severely hurt by his (in her opinion, well deserved) chocobo-stomping the whole thing was becoming funnier by the minute.

“That will learn you to fondle cute desert blonds at inappropriate times.” She said, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from laughing.

Balthier glared up at his viera partner and Vaan skidded to a stop beside them, accidentally kicking more dirt on Balthier.

“Sorry.” The blond bit his lip and kneeled beside Balthier. “Are you all right?”

“Never been better.”

Vaan smiled and gingerly touched Balthier’s nose, using curative magick on it.

“You have my gratitude… for the second time.” The pirate said, his cheeks glowing slightly.

The blond wiped the blood from Balthier’s lips and pressed a light kiss to them. “You can thank me properly later on.”

Fran rolled her eyes and thrust the reins of her chocobo into Vaan’s hand. “Watch him. I shall return.”

And she did return, upon Vaan’s chocobo.

“You.” She pointed at Vaan. “Hand me the reins.”

Vaan stood and set the reins he’d been holding in Fran’s hand.

“Right. Balthier, get on my chocobo since you haven’t managed to anger it yet. I will lead your animal by the reins and hopefully that will keep it calm. Vaan, get on behind me. There will be no more dillydallying.”

“Dillydallying?” Balthier replied indignantly. “What qualifies as-“

But the pirate quailed under the look Fran gave him and grudgingly mounted the viera’s former bird. Vaan chuckled lightly and swung up behind Fran.

“If you wish to hang onto me you will hang onto my waist.” Fran said. “No higher and no lower.”

“Yes’m.” Vaan replied, clasping onto the viera’s waist.

Fran clucked her tongue and the chocobos set off again. Balthier sighed. Well... at least he could still stare at Vaan’s rear end from here.

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Wark! The End! :p