Everybody Loves Severus!: Operation Seduce Snape

            “So what was it like?” Ron urged in an excited whisper.

             “Yeah, tell us,” agreed Seamus.

            Dean grinned. “Well, were snogging and fooling around, you know? And suddenly her hands are up under my robes, and she starts unbuttoning my trousers!”

            The other boys listened, entranced. They sat in a corner of the Gryffindor common room, which was otherwise empty except for Hermione, who was engrossed in studying across the room. Ron had an expression of awe on his face, Seamus looked very excited, while Harry and Neville both looked uncomfortable. Pleased with their reactions, Dean continued quietly.

             “And of course I’ve got a huge boner, and Merlin, she knows exactly what she’s doing… she just pushes up my robes and wraps her mouth around me!” His eyes closed blissfully with the memory.

             “How… how was it?” Neville asked, blushing with embarrassment, but clearly curious.

             “Ah… hot, wet… oh guys, it was amazing. So much better than wanking…” he lowered his voice, “even better than pussy. The things she did with her tongue…”

            The listeners were amazed and envious, with the exception of Harry, who actually appeared disgusted, his face tinged slightly green.

             “Though don’t get me wrong, pussy’s great too… anyway, so I’m just sitting there enjoying myself while she’s doing her thing, then I know I’m about to blow. And when I shoot my load she just swallows it, and keeps sucking for a minute…”

            Harry rose from his seat suddenly, startling the others. Even Hermione looked over from her books to stare at Harry. He looked nauseous.

             “Where you going, mate?” Ron asked.

             “Errr, it’s been great listening but I just remembered I’ve got some homework to do upstairs,” Harry mumbled.

             “Have fun,” laughed Dean, and continued with his story.

            Harry dashed upstairs and flung himself onto his four-poster bed. He should have gotten away sooner. As much as he liked hanging out with the guys, he did _not_ want to hear the sordid details of their sex lives. His desire for, and lack of, his own, was already a hindrance without hearing Dean’s stories. And it didn’t help that his preference of genders was quite different than that of his friends.

             “Ah, fuck,” he exclaimed to no one in particular.

            At that moment, he heard someone tromping up the stairs. He prayed it wasn’t Ron, up to fill him in on what he had missed. Instead, when he looked up, Harry saw Hermione turn the corner and enter the dormitory.

             “Erm, hi, ’mione,” he said, wondering why she had come. She had a little smirk on her face, something he was not accustomed to.

             “You left awfully quickly down there,” she said as though she knew something secret.

             “Yeah, well, you know, tired,” Harry muttered lamely.

             “Mmhm,” Hermione nodded, not believing him at all. “Because being tired is enough to make you dash out of the kind of conversation that all teenage boys love.”

             “Well, I was…” Harry realized what she had alluded to. “Wait, you were listening?”

            She laughed. “Well, no, but honestly, but honestly, it’s not hard to tell what a small cluster of boys are whispering about in the middle of the night. I may not be male, but I know a thing or two about you all.” He sat up to look at her as she sat down at the foot of his bed.

            Harry was taken aback. Hermione was a genius, but he didn’t expect her to know much about boys. A little less uneasy, Harry responded. “ I just really needed to get out of there.”

             “You looked positively ill,” she agreed. “So, why is that? Most guys love to hear the smutty details about girls…”

            A slow blush crept up Harry’s face. “Well… I… that is I…” he couldn’t say more.

             “…don’t fancy the ladies,” she finished with a grin. “So… you fancy blokes then, do you?”

             “Hermione!” Harry shouted, shocked.

             “What? I’m right, aren’t I? You haven’t talked about a girl since Cho, which was years ago, and you can’t stand their conversations,” she gestured to the common room below. “And I know you still have your hormones…” Her expression became serious. “So… are you?” She left the question open.

            Harry was speechless, amazed at what Hermione had said,. She waited patiently as he regained his voice.

             “Yeah… I’m… I’m gay, Hermione.” He hadn’t shared this with anyone, and it was strange hearing the words out loud. Harry was still shocked that Hermione had been so perceptive. Would she be okay with it? He wasn’t sure.

             “I thought so. All right,” she said pleasantly, still perched on the edge of his bed.

            Harry’s eyes widened. “All right?” he asked, once again taken aback. She had responded so simply.

             “Yes.” She smiled gently at Harry’s disbelief. “What, did you expect me to say you deserved to die or something, just because you like men?”

             “Well, no, but…”

             “Listen, Harry,” she cut him off. “You’re the same person you’ve always been, it’s not like this changes things. We’ve been friends for over six years. You know I love you like a brother. You really think me finding out you’re gay is going to change that?”

             “I guess not.” He let out a great breath, relieved. “Thanks, Hermione. I’ve never told anyone, and, well, I didn’t expect such… acceptance.”

             “Of course,” she said. “But you know it doesn’t matter to me, it’s just a part of who you are. And besides,” she added with a mischievous grin, “with you and Ron as my best friends, I’ve only had Ginny to talk to about boys. It’s nice to find another close friend who likes them.”

            Harry smirked back, the reality of the situation sinking in. Hermione was fine with it. She even wanted to talk about guys with him… They sat there in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

             “So,” said Hermione brusquely, “Who is it, then?”

            Harry started. “What? Who is who?”

            She gave him a look as though it were obvious what she was asking about. “Who do you fancy, of course.”

             “What makes you think I fancy anyone?” Harry defended. This girl was good at guessing things he wouldn’t have shared otherwise.

             “Oh, come off it! Lately you’ve been off somewhere else. You don’t pay attention in class… well,” she amended, “you didn’t before, but this is different. You stare out into space with this goofy look on your face. Not out of boredom, but like this.” She did such a good impression that Harry had to laugh.

             “Do I really look like that?”

             “Yes. And I do the same thing sometimes, just not in every single class,” she chided slightly, “and that’s how I know.”

             “Wow.” Harry was astonished. “Well, yeah, I do like someone, but I don’t think you’d approve… It’s kind of embarrassing actually…”

             “Try me,” Hermione said seriously.

             “Well… you see… he’s not the type of person most would see as attractive, but there’s this power about him… and he can be a git but he’s really brilliant… and he’s much older…”

             “Get to the point, Harry.”

             “Promise me you won’t get angry or think badly of me because of this.”

             “Oh, for heaven’s sake…” seeing Harry’s intensely serious expression, she acquiesced. “All right, all right. I promise. Now tell me.”

             “Fine. The man I like…” He hesitated.

             “Yes?” There was excitement in her voice.

             “And who I’ve been lusting after…” he felt his face grow hot. Hermione was now perched on the edge of the bed as though a cat ready to pounce.

             “Yes??”

             “… is Severus Snape.”

            Hermione started, and blanched. She sat very stiffly, saying nothing.

            Harry sighed. “See, this is why I didn’t tell you, I knew you would react like this, maybe you should just forget I ever said anything.” He turned away and looked out the window, embarrassed and angry.

            He felt Hermione’s hand on his shoulder, and turned abruptly to face her. “What,” he spat. “Want to judge me now, call me an idiot for fancying a greasy git?”

            The words didn’t seem to sting her as he had intended. Instead some color returned to her face, and she looked down at her hands which were folded in her lap.

             “No, it’s not that… it’s all right that you like him… I can see why.”

            Harry listened incredulously, watching her blush deeply. “What?”

             “Well,” Hermione coughed nervously. “Um, the thing is, Harry…”

             “What?” Now it was Harry’s turn to interrogate.

             “I like him too.” She looked up at Harry nervously, unsure of what he would say. To her surprise, he burst out laughing.

             “It figures,” he said. “I thought I was daft falling for him. But you, you’re the smart one, the one with common sense…”

             “And now I’ve fallen for him too.” She sighed. “I know, Harry. It’s crazy, but there’s something about him…”

             “His voice,” Harry said, shivering.

             “Yes, and his genius…”

             “And his snide remarks…”

            Hermione grinned at that one. “His willingness to risk everything to help defeat Voldemort…”

             “His well shielded fragile emotions…” Harry laughed, but he was telling the truth, Snape had a dark past.

             “And of course, his sexy body,” Hermione finished. They both laughed at that one.

             “He is quite good looking, though,” she added earnestly. “If you think about it. I’d like to get a good look at what’s under those robes… I wouldn’t be surprised if his impressive stature were reflected elsewhere,” she sniggered slyly.

             “Hermione, I’ve never heard you say something like that before.” This side of his friend was alien to him.

             “What, I’m not allowed to be a sexual being just because I’m your best friend? Or is it because I’m a girl?” She was slightly indignant.

             “No… it’s just…” Harry tried to figure out how to phrase it. “You never really seemed to have the patience for boys, you’re too mature. And frankly, we’re idiots.”

             “And that’s why I’m interested in a man, Harry, not some boy.”

             “True. Well, you have good taste if I do say so myself,” Harry teased both of them at one.

            Hermione sighed. “I just can’t stop thinking about him. It’s getting hard to concentrate in potions class. I keep undressing him in my mind, or when he comes to lean over and inspect my work, I imagine he’s…” She trailed off and blushed self-consciously.

             “It’s okay,” Harry soothed. “I now what you’re talking about. I’ve been struggling for the same reasons, but in all my classes.”

             “I suppose it’s true what they say about the teenage boy’s mind and sex.”

            Harry laughed, familiar with the statistic Hermione was referring to. “Especially when we aren’t getting any.”

            Neither of them spoke for a moment, just sat on Harry’s bed thinking.

             “It’s driving me crazy, though,” Harry said suddenly. “I’ve completely fallen for him, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I want him so much, but he hates me.”

             “We don’t know that for sure. After all, he did accept you into his NEWT class despite your grades,” she reasoned.

             “I think he’s made it pretty clear, ’mione. Besides, I doubt he even likes men. You’d have a much better chance, you like him too and he at least tolerates you for starters. If anyone should go for it, it should be you.”

            Hermione shook her head. “But that’s not fair to you, Harry. Like you said, we have no idea if he fancies men or women. It wouldn’t make sense for me to chase him only to find he fancies men. Or vice versa.”

            Harry flopped back down onto his pillow. “Yeah, well, not like it matters anyway. We’re his students, we can’t do anything. Even if he were to go for one of us, we could get expelled and he could be sacked.”

             “But we’re only his students for a few more months,” Hermione said, her eyes glittering.

            Harry grinned. “You have a plan already, don’t you.”

             “How can you tell?” She asked anxiously.

             “You have that look you get whenever some genius scheme comes into your head. Though how anything to do with getting Snape to go for one of us can be a genius plan is beyond me. But if anyone can do it, you can. What do you have in mind?”

             “We, together, are going to seduce Severus Snape.”

             “But how in the world are we going to do that? It’s like… getting a dragon to wear a dress.”

             “Interesting analogy,” Hermione cocked an eyebrow.

             “I pulled it out of my arse. Sorry, go on.”

             “It’s simple, really. We do everything we can to get his attention, put on some little shows for him, see if we can gauge his interest before actually bringing him into it. We won’t break enough rules to be expelled – I won’t sacrifice my education for any man – but we will work together, creatively, to try and get Snape to want at least one of us.

             “More details will need to be laid out, of course,” she added.

             “Hermione, I know you’re brave, but are you sure you’re up for this? You’ll have to spend a lot of time and energy, knowing how stubborn he is.”

            Harry could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes when she answered him. “I have to. I’ve never felt this way before, and I’m not just going to give it up without trying.”

            He sat up and hugged Hermione. “I’m up for it,” he said, smiling. “Chances are he won’t budge, but what if he does choose one of us? What about the other?”

            She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. “I’m willing to give him up for you if that’s the way it works out, Harry. I would hope you would do the same for me.”

             “Of course I would.” He hugged her harder and she squeezed back. “So we’ll see this through together, to the end, and whatever happens, happens.” He released her and they shared a smile.

             “We can’t tell anyone of course, or give any hints,” Hermione said, back in planning mode. “Not even Ron.”

             “Especially not Ron. I think the poor bloke would suffer a heart attack, first finding I was gay then that we both want Snape in the pants.”

            Hermione laughed at the expression. “Agreed.” She got up and straightened her robes. “Well, I should let you get to sleep, and we’ll talk more later. Goodnight.”

             “Night, ’mione. And thanks.” For accepting me, for being a great friend, he added mentally.

            She seemed to get it. “Of course,” she said, leaving the room.

            Harry lay back down and grinned to himself. Operation Seduce Snape was a go. He only hoped it would work.