Not Snape's Worst Memory: Not Snape's Worst Memory

            Severus was livid. Not only had the dangerously curious Potter snooped through the professor’s private memories, he had to view that particular incident, on that particular day. His humiliating debasement at the hands of the boy’s own father and friends was not something the brat should have seen.

 

            Well, mused Severus, a rueful smirk coming to his thin lips, maybe viewing that memory would make Harry think twice about what kind of man his father was, not to mention his godfather Black. And thank Merlin Severus had caught Potter when he did. The results of Harry seeing the rest of the memory could be… problematic.

 

            Swirling the luminous fluid of the Pensieve gently with his wand, Severus gathered up the memory and returned it to his temple. He sat, less stiffly than usual, in the corner chair and allowed himself to reminisce.

 

 

 

            “I’m sorry.”

 

            She shivered from the warm whisper in her ear, then turned to face the speaker.  Severus could tell that Lily was still angry by the fire in her emerald eyes. She put the book she had been reading facedown on the table and crossed her arms, glaring at him.

 

            “Oh? For what, exactly?”

 

            Severus sat down in the chair next to her. This section of the library was empty as usual, full of old historical tomes of little interest to the students.

 

            “I shouldn’t have called you that. I was furious, but at them, not at you. I was trying to save face. I apologize.” Severus held her gaze, and his eyes spoke sincerity.

 

            Lily sighed. “I suppose I shouldn’t get mad at you. I know we’re keeping our relationship a secret, but that doesn’t give us the right to be cruel to each other.” She uncrossed her arms and looked at her hands in her lap before facing him. “I overreacted too. I’m sorry.” She scooted her chair closer to his and smiled.

 

            Relieved, Severus brushed a kiss against her lips, and she returned it warmly.

 

            “So, how did you get away?”

 

            Severus smirked. “Wandless summoning charm to get my wand back, followed by a few well-executed hexes. Which,” he added proudly, “I invented myself. That imbecile isn’t the only one who can be creative.”

 

            “I know that firsthand,” Lily said with a suggestive grin.

 

            That was all it took. A long exam followed by a barely escaped humiliation had worn Severus ragged. He needed to regain his hold on life, which he had found slipping away before Lily. Grabbing her into a rough embrace, he kissed her fiercely. Lily’s fingernails dug into his leg, but he ignored the pain as he moved his lips down to her neck, biting and sucking mercilessly. Lily stifled a small moan.

 

            “Severus,” she gasped, “You are aware that we’re in the library?”

 

            “Yes, and? Is there a problem?” he breathed into the curve of her neck and she laughed quietly.

 

            “No, not at all. I’ll just have to tone down my ‘moans of ecstasy’.” Lily grabbed Severus’ chin and before he could laugh at her use of the phrase he had coined for how loud she was during sex, she had captured him in a tongue-warring kiss.

 

            He only allowed that to continue briefly before taking back the upper hand. Severus pulled Lily into his lap so that her legs lay over his and he could reach up under her robes. A thin, pale hand snaked between her legs, then around to trace over the knobs of her spine. Lily shivered and Severus brought his other hand to caress the soft skin of her stomach while supporting her back with the other hand. He knew how sensitive every inch of her skin became when she was aroused. By not touching those parts of her that longed to be touched, he tortured her until she begged. It was a power trip.

 

            Using the arm around her to draw Lily even further into his lap, Severus kissed her long and hard while slowly circling the fingers of his other hand around Lily’s nipple, still covered by her bra. He ignored his own growing arousal and concentrated on making her squirm, making her need him. Severus swallowed a moan that Lily accidentally let slip from her throat to his lips.

 

            “Quiet,” he whispered into her neck before sinking his teeth in and lapping with his tongue. This usually caused her to cry out, but either Lily was doing her best to obey him, or was afraid of being caught, and she merely gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, breathing hard. Whatever the case, it was good enough for him. To tease her even more, Severus rocked his hips slightly, which made her suck in a breath through her teeth as his hardness rubbed against her. He grinned to himself as he began rubbing her other nipple, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take much more.

 

            “Severus, please…” Lily gasped. Always one to please her when she begged, even just a little, he hooked his arms under her thighs and stood up, lifting her in the process. Clinging to him almost helplessly, Lily buried her face in his robes as he strode over to a dark corner of the room as though she weighed nothing at all.

 

            “Stand up,” Severus ordered softly, releasing her legs to the ground, then pushing her against the stone wall. He kissed her roughly, leaving her breathless. She stared at him, lust in her eyes.

 

            “Turn around, and put your hands flat against the wall.” He meant it, and was expecting nothing short of obedience, otherwise he’d delay her gratification, as he had before, earning himself the nickname of ‘sadistic bastard’.

 

            “If I do, will you fuck me?” she asked, all seriousness.

 

            He almost laughed. Who else would have known there existed this depraved, dirty side of Lily Evans? Her, the perfect student, noble Gryffindor, asking for a fuck in the library after an exam? This was the Lily that no one but he knew.

 

            “Yes, I’ll fuck you so hard you’ll want to scream. Do I ever leave you unsatisfied?” He punctuated this by grabbing her ass and pulling her into his erection, again attacking her neck.

 

            “No,” she breathed, and he released her so she could turn and brace herself against the wall.

 

            Severus took out his wand, and, pointing it at the wall, murmured the Mason’s Word, urging the rock to take a different shape. Like serpents, two thick tendrils of rock reached out and twined themselves around Lily’s wrists before entering the wall once again. She tested her bonds and was unable to wriggle free, so she resigned herself to slumping slightly, elbows bent and torso parallel to the floor.

 

            “Perfect,” Severus hissed from behind her, and his hands were up her robes in an instant. One hand worked its way under her bra and began teasing her nipple while the other rubbed lightly between her legs. Her panties were already wet.

 

            “Dirty girl. Getting turned on in a dark corner of the library”

 

            “Sadistic bastard,” she retorted. “I know you’re just as horny as I am.”

 

            “But you can’t torture me while trapped like that.” He rubbed harder, and she whimpered a little.

 

            “Please…”

 

            Removing his hand from her breast, Severus pulled down her underwear until they circled her ankles on the floor. She bit her lip as he touched her again, rubbing her clitoris with the fingers of one hand while plunging into her with two fingers of the other.

 

            “Do you like this?” He knew she did, but wanted to hear her response, which was only a muffled groan. As much as he enjoyed having her at his mercy, Severus had his own needs to be fulfilled. He rubbed and thrusted faster with his fingers.

 

            “Do you want me?”

 

            “Mmf,” she groaned, in a tone that he had learned meant the affirmative.

 

            “Do you need me?”

 

            “Yes,” she managed to gasp.

 

            “Now?”

 

            “Damn it, yes!” she nearly screamed.

 

            “Shhhh,” he urged, and quickly lifted his robes and pulled down his boxers, freeing his erection, which had been neglected all this time. Pushing up her robes, revealing the smooth skin of her backside, he curled his fingers around her hips and entered her in one thrust.

 

            Lily sagged within her bonds as Severus worked himself into a slow, steady rhythm. Her slick heat surrounded his cock and tightened when he released one hip to rapidly stroke her hard, wet clitoris. The sounds she made were almost like sobs as she tried to be as quiet as possible. Severus prided himself on being more controlled; even when driving himself toward orgasm he never cried out. He deliberately sped up his thrusts, breathing hard through his nose, and continued using his hand to drive Lily to her breaking point. She cried out quietly as her orgasm shook her whole body, and her inner muscles tightened around Severus. He came soon afterward, digging his fingernails into her hip and thrusting jerkily a few more times before pulling out.

 

            After pulling up his boxers and putting back on Lily’s panties, he got out his wand and returned the rock to its previous configuration. Lily sank to her knees then flopped over to sit against the wall, and Severus joined her, fatigued. The sat for a few minutes catching their breath before Lily spoke.

 

            “That was amazing,” she said huskily. “Sex with you is even better when you feel like you have something to prove.”

 

            Severus cocked an eyebrow. “You mean you could tell?”

 

            “Of course. I was almost sorted into Ravenclaw, you know,” she smirked. “Whenever you come to me after being harassed, you’re always urgent, and more rough and forceful. And that’s how I like it.” She leaned over and took his earlobe into her mouth, nibbling it and making him twitch.

 

            “Stop,” he said sternly. “You wouldn’t want me to go back to the dormitory with a hard on, would you?”

 

            Lily pouted. “You mean you can’t stay for a while and have another round?”

 

            Severus shook his head, frowning. “I have that bloody History of Magic exam in the morning to study for.”

 

            Groaning, she agreed, and Severus stood then took her hands to help her to her feet. They looked down at their shaky legs, then laughed.

 

            “Oh, one more thing, Severus.”

 

            “Yes?”

 

            “Well, I know it’s laundry day, but you never know when the boys-” she said this word with disdain “- will be able to sneak past your defenses again, so I’d recommend getting some new undershorts.” Lily grinned.

 

            Severus smirked back. “I’ll try,” he said noncommittally, to annoy her. They kissed and went their separate ways.

 

    -------------------

 

            At breakfast a few days later, a large school barn owl landed at Severus’ place at the Slytherin table. This surprised his seatmates, who rarely saw the sallow boy get post, especially not a package like the one the owl carried. Severus freed the bird of its burden and gave it a piece of ham from his plate, stroking its feathers briefly. The owl hooted in appreciation and flew off, prize in its beak.

 

            A note was attached to the package, and Severus opened that first. There was only one line, in Lily’s unmistakable script.

 

            ‘Open this only when you are alone.’

 

            So it was that Severus ended up returning to his dormitory without finishing breakfast. Setting the package on his bed, he unwrapped the parchment paper to reveal a box from a Muggle clothing store. Inside, underneath a layer of tissue paper, were two pairs of silk boxer shorts. One was black, the other forest green, and both had an embroidered pattern of serpents in the same color.

 

            Smiling, Severus put the boxers away in his trunk with the rest of his clothing. He grabbed his books and headed off to class, a spring in his step.

 

 

            In the firm backed chair of his office, Severus opened his eyes and let out a slow, even breath. He felt old, his joints creaky compared to their youthful vigor. And his libido had plummeted comparatively, not that he had been with many women for very long after his all too brief time with Lily. Lily. It seemed like eons ago, though it had only been two decades. Severus was only thirty-six, twenty-one years older than the boy, the spawn of beautiful, smart Lily Evans and that insufferable clown James Potter.

 

            How had he lost Lily? She had loved him, he was sure of that, and he had loved her. Severus knew it must have been his fault, pushing her away as the situation at home worsened and he was urged to join Voldemort’s followers by family acquaintance Lucius Malfoy. His mother had always compared him to the older, more powerful wizard, and doubted that he could live up to Malfoy even if he followed in the Death Eater’s footsteps. Of course, Severus had far surpassed Lucius’ knowledge and skills, by becoming Dumbledore’s spy rather than just another hand of the Dark Lord.

 

            But no, Severus thought, this wasn’t about Lucius, Voldemort, Dumbledore, or his mother. It was about Lily. Severus had spurned her, and she had flown to the arms of his worst enemy. Ridiculous. She had seemed to hate James as much as Severus did. Yet they got married right after graduation, producing a brat a few years after. Severus should have been the one to marry Lily and father her child. Hadn’t they been happy together? Or had their relationship been doomed from the start? He didn’t know, but he was sure that if they had stayed together, she wouldn’t have died; he would have been able to protect her.  

 

            Well, Severus thought, rousing himself from wishful suppositions, there was no way he could continue teaching the Potter boy Occlumency. Not when Harry would continue to torture Severus with James’ face and Lily’s fiery green eyes.

 

            Severus rose to his feet and strode over to the bureau, pouring himself a glass of scotch. He downed it quickly and returned to his quarters, hoping not to be reminded in his dreams of is time with Lily.