Irreplaceable: Chapter 1

Sasuke couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this nervous. Possibly never.

He had spent a month lurking the personals section of Craigslist, learning the lingo, and working up the courage to place his own ad. In the past hour, he had written, deleted, and rewritten the personals ad more times than he could count.

“18 y/o fit Japanese-American male ISO 21-26 y/o Japanese or Japanese-American male for NSA encounter: big brother/little brother roleplay. Must be D/D free. Long hair preferred, ability to speak and understand Japanese a plus.

Your pics get mine.

Discretion a must.”

Sasuke didn’t know whether his specifications were just because he wanted the man answering the ad to be as much like Itachi as possible, to make it more realistic… or because he was scared shitless of going through with it and wanted a safe out in the excuse that no one met his standards.

He wasn’t surprised when email responses didn’t come pouring in to the throwaway email account he had created for the sole purpose of placing the ad. From what he had seen, big/little brother fantasies weren’t something that came up on Craigslist… ever. Plus, he hadn’t posted a picture of himself in the ad to catch people’s attention. He knew he would get more responses if he had include a photo in the ad – he didn’t deny that he was attractive, and his looks alone had led to a few brave souls ignoring his standoffish demeanor and asking him out at college.

But he didn’t want any of them, he wanted Itachi. Or, for a one time fantasy fulfillment, someone as much like Itachi as possible. And if he had included a picture of himself, he’d probably have gotten responses from all the wrong sorts of people. Besides, he would be recognized as the son of the CEO of Uchiha Petroleum Inc., and well, that just wouldn’t do.

Still, he had little hope and after a day he almost took down the ad. Almost. But then when he logged into Gmail to go into the message to edit or delete his posting, a new email arrived in his inbox with a title referencing Sasuke’s Craigslist message.

Sasuke’s heart fluttered in his chest as he hovered the cursor over the new email, suddenly afraid to click. He took a deep breath, telling himself that it was silly to be nervous about simply opening an email, and clicked on the message.

“Your ad is intriguing. I fit the description of what you are looking for to the letter – first generation Japanese and I speak the language, I’m 23, discreet, D/D free, and I hope you’ll find me attractive - below is a link to my photo. I could potentially be your aniki for an evening, if you’re interested. I would love to see your photo. Looking forward to hearing from you.

I would sign my name, but thought maybe you would rather not know it, to make things more realistic. Take care.”

Below the message was a link, presumably to the man’s photo.

Well. The man had clearly read the ad, had responded appropriately, and supposedly met Sasuke’s standards so far, if Sasuke could trust him. Not giving his name to add to the fantasy was a nice touch, Sasuke had to admit. Now all that was left to do was to click the link to look at the picture, and reply.

Sasuke took another deep breath and clicked the link. A photo came up showing a man of Japanese descent, wearing only a pair of low-hanging jeans. His handsome, sharp-featured face was framed by straight black hair that hung down past his shoulders, disappearing behind a long, lean torso. The man’s nipples were two dark spots on a flawless pale chest, and Sasuke sucked his lower lip into his mouth as his gaze ventured to the dip of navel, slightly protruding hipbones, and the treasure trail peeking out from above the hem of the man’s jeans. He didn’t quite look like Itachi, but he was damn hot, Sasuke had to admit. And he wasn’t too far off, and in the dark, Sasuke could pretend.

Fuck it, Sasuke thought. He clicked the button to attach a file to a reply message, chose a photo of himself fully clothed, then carefully composed his reply.

“Thank you for your reply. I am definitely interested in meeting with you. My photo is attached. Sorry it’s not even a partial nude, but if you recognize me you’ll understand my need for discretion. If you’re still interested, email me back and we’ll work out the details. Also, I’m fine not knowing your real name, thank you for thinking of that. I look forward to hearing back from you.”

Sasuke didn’t even scan for spelling errors. He was afraid he’d lose his nerve, so he just clicked “send”.

And then he sat and waited, aimlessly browsing the internet, until a new message arrived.

“Sasuke, I promise your secret’s safe with me. I know it’s not easy to want these kinds of things. I’m still interested. I can meet on a weekday evening after 6 PM, or on a Saturday or Sunday. The weekend would be preferable to give us more time. Just let me know when works for you, and how you’d like to do this. I look forward to meeting you.”

Sasuke reread the message, relief flooding through him that the man wouldn’t expose that the younger Uchiha brother wanted to indulge in an incestuous fantasy. Of course, the man had no way of knowing the depth of Sasuke’s attraction to Itachi, the intense love he felt for his older brother. But if he had wanted to, the man could probably have sold a story to one of the tabloids that required less evidence to back up their articles. And despite it all being hearsay, since nothing Sasuke had written could be directly linked to him, any story like that could damage his reputation, that of his family, and that of the company. He had been selfish to take the risk of placing the ad in the first place, and was grateful that the man with whom he had been corresponding was in it to get in Sasuke’s pants, nothing more, nothing less.

And that suited Sasuke just fine.

He typed a new reply, the words coming to his mind surprisingly easily.

“Thank you for your understanding and discretion.”

Sasuke paused there, realizing he had been using that word frequently, but pressed on. He didn’t need to worry too much about phrasing, but he seemed to always need to find something to nitpick during this whole process. He was second guessing himself, and he hated it. All he wanted was to live out what he knew he never could with Itachi, with a stranger, pretend the stranger was Itachi, and then they could part ways.

Because as much as Sasuke wanted his older brother to love him the way he loved Itachi… it wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t the way of the world, and it wasn’t how Itachi felt, he knew it. Itachi dated women, infrequently, yes, but women all the same. He wasn’t gay. Though, even if he were, Sasuke presumed he would hide it from the family… at least their parents… but still. Sasuke had a feeling Itachi was straight. And Itachi certainly, certainly didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings for his little brother. Sasuke would have noticed – he had looked for signs when he realized he was in love with Itachi, but none were to be found. So Sasuke had resigned himself to finding porn with actors who looked as much like Itachi as possible, which was rare, or incest-themed porn, most of which was obviously not real brothers, and had horrible dialogue, but he took what he could get.

And now, what he wanted, what he could get, was sex with someone who looked somewhat like Itachi, who could speak to him in Japanese in the way he had longed for Itachi to since he had started going through puberty. In a way that was forbidden between brothers, that if some way, somehow, Itachi did feel the same way, if they did something and were discovered, they would wind up disowned.

Suddenly very weary, Sasuke blinked hard, realizing he had been staring blankly at the bright computer screen. He didn’t have the energy to go into a detailed email of what exactly he wanted tonight.

“How about this coming Saturday afternoon? We can talk more tomorrow about details.”

He sent the message and a reply came back after he had closed out his various browser windows, except for Gmail.

“Sounds good. You can message me on Gmail any time after 6PM tomorrow. Sleep well, Sasuke.”

Sasuke smiled faintly, imagining his brother saying the last words, replied with “Thanks, you too. Talk to you tomorrow evening” and shut down his laptop.

When he lay in bed a few minutes later, after brushing his teeth and washing his face, the image of the man’s photo came unbidden to his mind, alongside pictures of his brother. Sasuke still was reeling with the fact that he was actually going to do this. He was anxious, that was for sure, but he hoped that it would be worth it.

And he wished that society wasn’t such that he had to do this to fulfill his desires. Wished that it wasn’t considered wrong for him to want the real Itachi.