Cameron in the Paperverse: Cameron and the Eldritch Horror Solve A Flower Maze

Cameron paused and rubbed his increasingly bleary eyes. The vibrant blossoms and emerald vines that lined the maze walls weren’t the only breath-taking part of the Castimeria experience - the pollen-induced inflammation was whittling down his air supply as well.

 

“Can you pop down for a sec, sweetheart?” He murmured to Najika who had curled around his shoulders. She yipped in his ear, and he squatted on the ground. She stood and stretched and hopped off while he dug into his backpack. After a moment his hand closed on a small, plastic bottle, and he held it in the air triumphantly. “Yes! Antihistamine, hoooo!”

 

He stood up, opened the bottle, and dry-swallowed two pills. Najika yipped at him again.

 

“It’s allergy medication,” he explained. “I’ve barely needed it since I left Earth, but all these flowers are getting me right in the sinuses.”

 

She danced a circle around him and then began to prance forward confidently.

 

“You sure you don’t mind walking for a while? You can come on back if you get worn out, okay?”

 

Her answer to this was to cavort about, sniffing at every flower petal and leaf and crawly bug along the path. She came to a stop as she encountered a larger, unknown object. She barked at it softly, and Cameron walked over right away to examine it.

 

“Weird. That’s a microscope - just like ones I’ve seen on Earth. I didn’t know anybody had something like this here.”

 

His eyes swept up the path, and he noticed a few other stray items: a test tube rack, a microwave, some sort of stuffed lizard plushie, and lots of sparkly rocks. A number of small puddles dotted the path as well, and he thought he might even see the sheen of Wouagan salamander mucus on one or two of them.

 

They heard something then - like the *whole universe* was sneezing - and Cameron froze in place. Najika turned and ran to him, and he opened his arms to catch her in mid-leap as a full-sized specimen cabinet whizzed past them.

 

“What the actual hell?” Cameron exclaimed. He would be the first to admit that most normal people would run *away* from a flying cabinet and a sound like reality was flinching, but he wasn’t exactly normal. Holding Najika close, he sprinted ahead and rounded the corner, skidding to a stop when he encountered a Thing That Shouldn’t Exist.

 

For a brief moment, his eyes and brain couldn’t agree on what he was seeing. All he knew was that somewhere in that tangle of long, gray limbs and crimson face tentacles, there was something like a portal leading to the vast unknowable depths of space. That was enough to convince his mouth and lungs to scream.

 

And the Thing That Shouldn’t Exist sneezed like a typhoon, then screamed, then sneezed two more times, and finally settled back into screaming.

 

Shielding Najika with his body, Cameron wrenched his free arm back and hurled the contents of his hand at the creature. He’d forgotten, of course, that he was still holding the bottle of antihistamine pills, and it somersaulted through the air before cleanly passing into the void beyond the creature’s face. Rather than inflicting any damage, it delivered 18 doses of allergy relief into infinity.

 

The creature reared its head back to sneeze again but paused unexpectedly. A few moments passed as all three of them waited in silence for a massive sneeze that never came to fruition.

 

Time stretched on, and while the Thing That Should Not Exist didn’t have eyes, Cameron was pretty sure it was watching him. And waiting. He took a deep breath and finally found his voice, which had apparently tried to go into hiding after the long, primal scream.

 

“Are you… are you a real thing?” He asked carefully. 

The creature frowned, or at least did something that’s very close to a frown. “Hmm…” it hummed, then glanced at him, tapping the ring that he assumed was its mouth. Or face. 

“What does ‘real’ mean again? Are you real? I think I am. Maybe. Does ‘real’ mean nice?” the creature exclaimed.

Cameron continued to start at it.

“Anyways, I’m Mr. Nice Guy! What are you? What’s your name? Are you sure you’re real?” it exclaimed, holding out a large, clawed paw for him to shake, which he did hesitantly.

“You know what? Being on the other end of that, I can see that’s a very loaded question,” Cam admitted. “I’m Cameron, and this is Najika. I’m sorry. I’m still getting used to all the different kinds of people I’ve met since I left Earth.”

“I’m from Earth, too!” Mr. Nice Guy exclaimed. “Twinsies!”

The human tilted his head. “Really? I used to see things like you on Earth sometimes, but… I don’t think those were real. It’s a long story, but I get the feeling you aren’t related.”

Mr. Nice Guy shrugged and let out something that he thought was either a chuckle or the most aggressive stomach-grumbling he’d ever heard. “Probably not. See, if you didn’t know, I’m not human.”  

Cameron nodded slowly. “I…kinda got that already, but thanks for clarifying.” He chuckled, his eyes straying to something glinting on Mr. Nice Guy’s jacket. It drew Cameron’s eye, and he realized the jacket was some sort of lab coat. He took a step forward and squinted, and he was just able to make out the name: Dr. Crowell. 

“Wait a second,” he said. “I kinda think I recognize that name. There was a pretty well-known Dr. Crowell on Earth. Actually… he disappeared just a few weeks before I portalled out. Wasn’t his lab destroyed?”

Cameron’s eyes widened suddenly, and he took a few steps back, holding Najika closer to his chest. “Did you…?”

“Did I what?” Mr. Nice Guy chirruped innocently. Then he glanced down at his clothing and shook his head rapidly, stammering a bit as he spit out words rapid-fire. Must be easy, when you don’t have a mouth to slow you down. “Oh, no no no, Cameron, I didn’t steal the jacket! That would be rude! I’m just holding onto it until he wakes up, because, you see, whatever I put in my mouth has a strange habit of not being able to come back out again. Unless, of course, I have allergies, as you just witnessed. But don’t worry - Dr. Crowell is totally fine. He’s just sleeping. You humans need lots of sleep after things like accidents and having your labs destroyed. And speaking. He doesn’t speak, for some reason. I think it’s hard for him.”

The human considered it momentarily. “So… Dr. Crowell is alive? And okay?”

“He’s very alive. And very okay. He’s one of my best friends actually. Do you… know how to get back to Earth? And—this is completely unrelated—but, do you have a way to wake people up that works for sure every time?”

Cameron blinked a few times before answering. “Wow, so that’s a lot to unpack. I’m sorry, I don’t know how to get back to Earth. I haven’t really been looking for a way home, though. I’ve met a few travelers who have heard of it - they all say that the portals to Earth are extremely unstable and hard to locate.”

“Oh,” Mr. Nice Guy said. The disappointment in his disembodied voice made the human feel very bad for him. “That’s okay. I seem to be really good at finding random TV sets that toss me through reality. Maybe I’ll just find my way back home unexpectedly.”

“Well, once we get out of this flower maze, I can help you ask around? Or we can stop at the Guild library? Every Guildhall has one. As for waking someone up… getting cold water dumped on me always wakes me right up. We can ask around about that, too.”

Mr. Nice Guy’s smiley-disk quivered a little at the offer as he turned away, glancing at the dusty, pollen-covered floor, trying to think. No one, and he’d been counting, no one had spoken with him this much, or as kindly as Cameron and Najika had, since he lost Zephyr. He suddenly had the impulse to hug Cameron and his sparkly best friend, but he stopped in his tracks, pausing,  as he thought back to the leviathan he’d swallowed whole only a short time ago.

“You’d really help me?” Mr. Nice Guy asked finally, staring down at the brown-haired human, who had a broad smile on his face..

“Sure. I’m a registered Guild Adventurer. It’s my job to help people in need. So we’ll get your problems figured out together. We’re still in the middle of a flower maze.”

Mr. Nice Guy craned his face around, finally taking in his strange, new surroundings. True to the human’s word, they seemed to be surrounded by walls of flowers and vines. They were certainly very pretty, but there was no visible exit around.

“Where are we?” the eldritch creature asked, trying very hard to not hug Cameron and Najika. Humans are strangely squishy. He might squish them on accident.

“We’re in a world called Castimeria. It’s festival season, which means all their wild flowers are in bloom. This maze is on its own private island. It’s a famous event - I took a portal to see it specifically, but I may have gotten in over my head.”  

“Oh.” Mr. Nice Guy said blankly. “Also, are hugs considered rude or something? Because I just tried to hug a bunch of things and they tried to hit me.” he added, pointing at the scratches covering his body, oozing a black, gooey substance.

 “Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh, I think you should get that checked out.” Cameron said, wincing. “It’s been my experience that most people like to give consent before getting a hug? So let’s put hugs on hold for just a little while and find a way out of here as quickly as possible. It turns out that I’m not very good at mazes. I’ve been wandering around for probably close to two hours now, and I’m not actually sure how far in we are. Do you have any experience with mazes?”

Mr. Nice Guy shook his head.

“That’s okay. Let’s just see what we can figure out together,” Cameron offered. He let Najika settle on his shoulders again and motioned for Mr. Nice Guy to come along with him. He led the eldritch creature out of the dead end and back onto what he hoped was the main path. He let silence descend between them for a bit as he noticed Mr. Nice Guy whipping his head back and forth to take in their surroundings. 

They continued to push forward for another ten minutes until a left turn brought them into another dead end. Cameron sighed.

“This doesn’t appear to be an exit,” Mr. Nice Guy said.

“Nope. Another dead end. Okay, so let me think. If we go back the way we came - I took a left turn before I came across the path that led me to you. So if we trace back to that point, we can just go straight forward on that path.”

Mr. Nice Guy nodded enthusiastically. He didn’t really know if Cameron’s plan would work, but it was, at the very least, some sort of plan, and the young human seemed like he might need the encouragement. They made quick work of retracing back to the point that Cameron remembered. They continued straight ahead - ‘Maybe south?’ the human mused - for quite some time before the path terminated, and they were presented with a choice of left or right. The human removed a strange, ancient coin from his pocket. It glowed brighter than any natural metal from Earth might.

“Heads or tails?” Cameron asked.

“Heads or tails of what?” Mr. Nice Guy exclaimed, suddenly alarmed. His head whipped around again as he searched for whatever multi-headed, multi-tailed beast the human had spotted.

“Oh no, I’m sorry. That’s just an expression. I’m going to flip the coin. If it lands front up, that’s called Heads, and we’ll go right. If it lands with the back of the coin up, that’s called Tails. Then we’ll go left.”

Mr. Nice Guy tapped his mouth ring again while he considered it. He wondered if choosing tails would seem unfair since the young human didn’t seem to have one. Finally he said, “Heads.”

“Okay,” the human agreed. He flipped the coin in the air and caught it deftly, bringing it to rest on the back of his hand. He peered at it and nodded. “Heads it is. Let’s go right then.”

They took the path to the right and carried on for quite some time. They came across a few more forks in the road and tried to use reason when they could and flipped a coin when they couldn’t. They had to backtrack more than once, and after a little while, Cameron’s suspicions began to solidify into a steadfast belief that something was wrong.

“I know we just came from this direction,” he said. “But this isn’t how it was before. I thought maybe things were changing around us, but I’m sure of it now. Last time we were here, we had three options: left, straight ahead, or right. Now we can’t turn right?”

Mr. Nice Guy craned his face around to study the new wall of flowers and vines that now blocked their path.  Desperation started to settle over Cameron. “We really need to get out of here soon. It’s actually really weird to me that we haven’t run into anyone else this whole time. Now the path seems to be changing on us. I know this isn’t technically in the spirit of solving a maze honestly, but I think we might need to consider pushing through the walls.”

Mr. Nice Guy reared back, clearly scandalized. “Isn’t that breaking the rules?”

“A little? I mean, technically, sorta. But I think we need to consider that you need medical attention, and eventually all three of us are going to need more food and water than I have on me as well as sleep, and well… you know, a bathroom?”

“We can’t break the rules, Cameron! That would be rude! The rules are important - they exist for a reason. We can’t just go breaking rules every time we’re in mortal danger!”

“That’s usually the exact point that you need to consider breaking some of the rules: mortal danger. It’s not like it’s a law, anyway. It’s just a rule for a game, and I think we should stop playing the game now. Besides, it’s starting to get dark and kinda cold.”

Although Mr. Nice Guy didn’t know the words for this particular feeling, Cameron’s suggestion that they BREAK THE RULES began to stoke anxiety deep inside the pit of infinite guts. The human had a point about mortal danger, and it was becoming quite dark and cold. Humans didn’t seem to tolerate extreme temperatures very well. They didn’t seem to tolerate any extremes very well.

The eldritch being considered that maybe Cameron would abandon all this rude talk about breaking rules if he felt a little warmer. Najika was a very tiny creature, and she probably felt even colder than the human. The human must be worried about his companion, too - he obviously cared deeply for the small, sparkly creature. That sort of concern could make even the nicest person think about doing rude things. Like breaking rules, for example. Once the human was warm and toasty, Mr. Nice Guy could explain that he didn’t even need food or water or sleep, so Cameron didn’t need to worry about sharing. They would all be just fine.

But self-soothing words didn’t do much to calm Mr. Nice Guy’s worries, and as his body began to heat up, sparks began to jump off of him. One caught Cameron on the arm, and he jumped back, wide-eyed and startled.

“It’s okay, Mr. Nice Guy, I didn’t mean to upset you. Calm down, okay?” 

Despite panic rising in him quickly, Mr. Nice Guy attempted to seem merry and completely in control of the situation. “Don’t worry, Cameron. I’m going to keep you and Najika warm. I do this all the time. It’s completely normal!”

The sparks became more erratic - in a merry and completely controlled way - and Cameron took several steps back as he tried at first to soothe the creature and then warn him of the dangers of mixing fire and unknown plant matter. Within a few moments, the walls were blooming with more than flowers as several glowing embers landed and caught fire. Flame began to blossom along the vines, summoning an intense, spreading heat.

“Are you warmer now?” Mr. Nice Guy chirruped.

“Run!” Cameron commanded and he turned heel and fled.

“Wait! You’ll be cold again!” Mr. Nice Guy said.

Cameron turned, came back, and tugged on Mr. Nice Guy’s jacket as hard as he could. “Run! The fire is dangerous!”

At both the insistence they were in danger and the concern that the human might rip Dr. Cromwell’s lovely jacket, Mr. Nice Guy capitulated and loped after him. He soon realized that he could run much, much faster than the human. He gently lifted Cameron and Najika into his claws and sped up. Unfortunately, they were still in the maze, and the twists and turns impeded their progress. 

Before long, they found themselves pinned into a dead end, the flames approaching and burning too hot for them to retrace their steps. Cameron reached out with his magic, trying to dispel the flower and vine walls around them, but his new-found abilities weren’t anywhere near strong enough. He kissed Najika’s skull mask and held her close. Mr. Nice Guy stood valiantly between Cameron and Najika and the approaching blaze. If only he could sneeze now! Maybe something useful could pop out!

But just as things seemed at their darkest, the flower and vine walls around them collapsed, and a number of robed figures jumped over the shortened hedges. They summoned water from the air and began to drown out the flames, pushing them back, back, and away. The air filled with thick smoke and soot, leaving the weary travelers soaked and filthy but thankfully alive. 

“Stay here,” one of the robed mages commanded.

Obediently, Mr. Nice Guy seated himself on the ground and waited still as a statue. 

The human fell to his knees behind him, Najika yipping in his arms, and murmured one of those very, very rude words. Mr. Nice Guy was sad to hear it, but thought that perhaps it might be forgivable this one time considering Cameron didn’t seem to say it often. He’d also said it very quietly, which was at least a little more considerate.

The flames were brought under control quickly, and several of the robed figures returned to them, forming a ring around Cameron, Najika, and Mr. Nice Guy. With the urgency gone, the three companions could see that their rescuers were elves dressed in the official garb of the Castimerian government.

“What in the world did you think you were doing?” A particularly tall and beautiful elf demanded of them.

“I’m so sorry!” Mr. Nice Guy said in a rush of words. “I didn’t mean to burn down your flowers! I was just trying to keep my friends warm, and then your flowers got too warm and caught on fire. That was so rude of me!”

“The maze kept changing,” Cameron gasped. He was still quite out of breath from the running, the smoke, and the sheer panic. “The fire was completely an accident. Mr. Nice Guy was just trying to help us, I promise.”

Guilt touched the elf’s features, but it was fleeting. Soon she was impassive and demanding again. “We were reworking the maze. We didn’t realize anyone was still inside. We hadn’t allowed a new guest for hours - we were certain it must be empty.”

“Turns out,” Cameron said, “we’re really bad at mazes.”

“I should say so. Listen, let’s all… forget this unfortunate event. We generally wouldn’t redesign the maze with guests inside, so we can perhaps forgive the damage you may have caused when you invariably set it on fire.”

“Are we under arrest?” Cameron asked miserably.

“Are we going to be PUNISHED?” Mr. Nice Guy asked in a high, panicked voice.

The elf sighed heavily. “No, you aren’t under arrest, and there’s no punishment to be had. But please leave. For all our sake, don’t come back. Stay away from the flower maze. Or any maze, for that matter. Or else we *will* arrest you.”

Cameron nodded and stood. He tugged gently on Mr. Nice Guy’s jacket, nowhere near hard enough to rip it this time - just enough to get Mr. Nice Guy’s attention. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go find you some medical attention.”

“You’re still going to help me?” Mr. Nice Guy asked, clearly surprised.

“Of course. I promised I would. So let’s take you to a healer.” Cameron trudged off towards town. Najika cavorted around him, yipping excitedly. He paused and crouched down, allowing her to jump up onto his shoulders again. He turned back and motioned for Mr. Nice Guy to follow, and together the three walked back to town.