Red Journal: Canary

The grass tickles my legs, making me itchy, but I can't move now. The bird I'm sketching hasn't yet, the perfect model. Maybe it's used to people, or maybe it just appreciates the shade, like me. 

 

I breathe in glancing up to see if there might be more. A flock maybe. Though… there isn't…. There aren't very many trees in this country. There isn't much green at all. Mostly dull buildings, steam and smoke, our estate doesn't have very many trees either….

 

But the lawn at school has trees. One of the institution's only upsides. I already know what they're teaching in class, and the place is much too crowded with bullies and dullards to be of much use company wise. If it wasn't so nice to sit underneath the trees I'd sit in the school library instead, though… even the library crowds surprisingly. Noisy crowds. Don't they know the rules.

I frown to myself at the thought, but slowly forget as I lose myself in detailing my initial sketch. 

I start on another as the bird begins to hop in place, and I can't help but laugh. It looks so silly, so full of whimsy. Such a simple creature. 

“Doing a little dance there, friend? I think you've got better moves than I do.” It chirps and continues hopping along, occasionally pecking at the dirt. “I'm positive your impeccable moves will attract lots of nice birds to you, then you won't have to be so alone out he-”

 

Something whizzes past my face-

I've little time to react, but even if I could it would be too late. A terrified chirp that's silenced, the bird's chest rises and falls rapidly then slows, all happening too quickly, what can I do-

 

Laughter behind me. Laughter I recognize. Grief for the bird is quickly replaced by a budding anger.

 

“I'm surprised you actually nailed it. But if it would've hit Queenie instead…” an irritating snicker follows. His irritating laugh. 

I slowly stand, my fists balled at my sides. It's my brother Elric's voice.

 

“If I hit ‘im, would I still have gotten the 10 gold?” One of his flunkies answers.

 

“Only if you would've got him in the head. Left a mark anywhere else, where the nanny could see and tell my parents… would be too much hassle, therefore no pay for you.”

 

“Guess that makes sense…”

 

“Course it makes sense, he just said so, didn't he?” My cousin's voice now. Dread creeps in. How many does he have with him now? Don't these people have some other brainless thing to do, smack each other around in some sweaty sport maybe?

 

My legs feel stuck. They finally close the distance, walking past me to stand over…

The mangled body of the bird…

All five of them, laughing and pointing at it, one of them goes to get a stick… my younger brother Farris is among them too… why…

I take a deep breath.

 

“That's not funny. W-what you did. What, what you're encouraging.”

 

Elric turns to me with a brow raised, they've all gone silent after my interruption.

“No?” He asks. Then walks closer to me, he's had his growth spurt a long time ago so I have to look up to meet his gaze…

“Then what is Queenie? Are you the leader in comedy?” He studies my face, then his eyes dart to the ground, my notebook-

 

He snatches it quicker than I can blink, before I can attempt to get it back-

Both of my arms are pinned behind me, one of the flunkies moving in. Foul breath breaches my nose, fingernails dig uncomfortably into my skin. They're all crowding.

 

He flips through it, laughing to himself, he shows some of the pages to the others. They laugh too. They whisper to one another. They give me mocking looks.

I take notes in there, things of interest that happen to me, things I want to record for later. It was supposed to be mine, I didn't want to show anybody. It's not meant for anybody else.

He stops at one of the earlier pages, I… know which one... as his mirth fails, and he fixes me with a hard stare. 

I pale. I know of what he's found.

 

“You've been writing things about me, you little fuck?” 

 

“I- no i-it’s-”

 

He mocks me in a high tone. Then flips the page.

“Bullshit. This is clearly me. You drew pictures, tosser. I think I know what I look like.” Probably not a good time to call his intellect into question, and I know what I've scribed…

 

“Now what is this…” He flips through some more, scanning the pages, his eyes almost look like they're set to bug out of his head, and his voice goes cold. 

“‘If mother and father knew how he spends his free time, how he uses our family’s resources, sullies our name, maybe they'd do all of us at home a favor…. and toss him to the streets.’”

He marches towards me, I clench my eyes shut, ready-

But no blow lands, instead I hear a tearing sound, and I tentatively peel open my eyelids. 

 

“I'm going to keep this, what you've said.” I wince as he throws my notebook roughly at the ground by my feet. 

 

Elric and the others begin to walk away, my cousin harshly pushes me forward thus letting me go. I fall to the ground with the momentum, scrambling to gather the papers that threaten to spill from my notebook, bent and dirtied.

 

...

 

No questions to my mussed appearance as I let myself back home early. The waitstaff say nothing as I sit in the kitchen, nursing a sandwich and cup of tea in the corner. 

Maybe they don't mind because I'm quiet.

 

Once the time is reasonable for me to be home, I slip out of the kitchen for my room. I freeze at my door. Should I expect the worse... But no… Elric wouldn't be back yet, he couldn't have done anything. I thoroughly check, from what I know of him. To make sure. But with no surprises I go about my evening as usual. 

 

It isn't until I'm about to sleep that I notice, odd feathers about my bed, scattered on the pillows and blankets…

 

—

 

For a year he would leave them there. Just like the first one, the very same bird species, every month. Like some new sport of his own. His way to intimidate? It did unnerve me for a time, and then I got used to it.

The smell of decomposition would stain my room for quite some time, and I'd get in trouble for it. How could I begin to explain? Who could I find that would care?

 

I never figured out where he hid them. And now I never will.