Maintaining: Bonds?

Chapter 24 - Bonds?

Vegeta sat on a boulder, watching Kakarott sparring with their youngest in the air.

Kakarott's hair was still dark, but the brats had powered up and he was hard-pressed to keep up with them. Vegeta smirked as his son took advantage of Goten's distraction and got a solid hit on the Saiyan. He felt a certain amount of pride - he had taught Trunks that move.

It had been two weeks since they had left The Lookout - nearly a month since his latest disaster. Even after the brats had shown up with the senzu he had been reluctant to leave. He wasn't ready to face anyone yet.

The woman had meant him no harm, yet he had hurt her. He had done things like that in the past and had told himself he didn't care - but now he had lost his taste for it.

He hadn't been - still wasn't - sure how to deal with the knowledge that Kakarott knew about his past weakness. He had been surprised when he discovered that Kakarott had not known since they had fused. According to Kakarott something had happened and all of his memories of that event were blocked - although Vegeta suspected that he was what happened. Frieza's attacks were still fresh - and he definitely didn't want to remember them. He had probably thrown up a mental barrier without realizing it. And that same barrier crumbled during his nightmares -allowing Kakarott, newly sensitive to his emotions, to be able to live through his terrors with him.

It appeared they had developed some type of bond...which was both a blessing and a curse. He saw now how it was changing him - making him more accepting of the younger Saiyan. It hadn't been that long since he had sworn he would kill Kakarott - but now he knew he wouldn't raise a hand against him even if he had the strength. So now he had some link to Kakarott - that let him actually relax and feel safe around him. It wasn't a mating bond - he knew that much. He couldn't hear or feel Kakarott in his head like the younger one could do with him.

~~It would be easy for him to take advantage of what he knows.~~

But he did have Kakarott's memories. He could reach them if he concentrated. He couldn't always understand the feelings behind them, but he had found the thrill Kakarott had felt when they first met, the sorrow and anger he had felt when Frieza had killed him, the relief when Kakarott had learned he was alive again. Every memory told him that he wouldn't care - he didn't blame Vegeta for everything Frieza had done to him, or all the destruction he had caused while under the lizard's control.

The younger Saiyan had tried several times to get him to talk about what had happened, but he had just shaken his head and refused. It...he couldn't say the word, even to himself...it had never been mentioned with Radditz - he knew how things were on the ship. Silence was necessary. It wasn't safe to talk while under the lizard's thumb - rooms were bugged, scouters were always open... Anything said could be used against you later.

He doubted if even Radditz knew how often it had happened. Not all of them had beaten him first. Some were so strong there was no chance of fighting - and he had just lay there unresisting until they had finished.

~~You just lay there because you enjoyed it.~~

He struggled to ignore the voice - louder now. His doubts had become more insistent, telling him he was weak and worthless and Kakarott was only using him. He didn't want to believe it - he refused to believe it. He didn't want to care what the voice said, because he had found he enjoyed waking up in Kakarott's arms.

And being touched and held by Kakarott was now the only time the voices were silent. He even knew when it had happened...

~~~~~~~~~

Kakarott had been kissing and petting him, making him moan with pleasure. He was close to begging for release, fingers clutching at the younger Saiyan.

~~You are so worthless. All you have to do is just spread your legs and let him fuck you blind.~~

Kakarott had stopped and stared into his eyes in shock.

"Vegeta? You're not worthless." Kakarott had crawled up until they were face to face. "Do you think that is all this is?" he asked with pain obvious in his voice. "I thought we were making love - not just...," he hesitated at the word, before saying it with a strange mix of sorrow and disgust. "Not just fucking."

He had gazed up into hurt brown eyes, not sure what had just happened. He was sure he hadn't said anything - how had Kakarott known what the voice said?

"Kakarott...I-"

"If - if..." Kakarott swallowed, and he could see how bright the young Saiyan's eyes were. "I can't do this...if this is nothing more than - than fucking."

"Kaka-"

"I know you said you couldn't love...but I thought it meant something. I thought it was more than just, just..."

He couldn't bear Kakarott's look of anguish and captured his face, pulling him down for a kiss, trying to figure out how to explain. Kakarott didn't resist, but didn't participate, either.

"Kakarott," he whispered. He hated that voice, how it kept chipping away at his pride and sanity, always trying to keep him away from what he needed. "It's not true. I don't think that this is just-" He bit off. "I know this means something - to both of us. I need you."

"Then why did you say...?"

"I didn't. I need you...need this... But the voice...Frieza..."

Kakarott continued to stare at him, until Vegeta couldn't stand the intensity of his gaze anymore and turned his eyes down, ashamed.

"You hear him? Like in the cage? With Trunks?" Kakarott stroked his cheek, trailing fingers in his hair.

He slowly nodded, eyes closed.

~~If you tell him, he will think you are insane. He will send you away.~~

"I don't think you are crazy, Vegeta. I just want to understand."

If he didn't tell Kakarott something, he would leave, and he would be alone again.

"Every time,,," he breathed, "...every time I'm -" GodS, he couldn't say this. "It questions everything."

"How long?"

~~Fool. He's going to leave you.~~

Kakarott was still there, touching him, caressing him. He looked back into warm brown eyes and finally realized how much he trusted Kakarott. He wanted Kakarott. He felt safe with him. He could tell him - and he wouldn't leave.

"Since the first time Frieza...since he..."

"Shhh...it's alright," Kakarott purred, stroking his tail. "I didn't know. I'm not leaving you."

Kakarott kissed him again, and he didn't care anymore. Didn't care that he heard his doubts and fears. Didn't care that Kakarott was stronger than he was. He wrapped his arms around the younger Saiyan, pulling him closer, kissing him hungrily.

~~~~~~~~~

Some part of his internal struggle had stopped then. Was this what it took to silence the voices? Accept? Quit fighting? His entire life had been a never-ending battle - against the lizard, his pride, his anger...if he quit fighting, did that mean he lost - or did he finally win?

~~Oh no...It's not that easy little monkey.~~

--It never is...--

He returned his attention to the battle overhead and was amused as he watched the brats maneuver Kakarott to face in his direction. Apparently the Saiyan hadn't noticed what the boys had - Gohan was rapidly approaching with a wicked grin on his face. Kakarott was taken by surprise, plummeting to the earth to land at Vegeta's feet.

Vegeta looked up to see the boys giving each other high-fives, then looked down and smirked.

"Having problems, Kakarott?" he said, needling him.

"Owww," he complained, sitting up. "That wasn't fair. I wasn't ready."

"Oh, I'll remember that the next battle we are in. 'Excuse me, could you un-kill me? I wasn't ready'," Vegeta said, relishing Kakarott's obvious embarrassment.

"What's the matter Goku?" Piccolo said, laughing as he landed nearby. "Can't handle a couple of kids ganging up on you?"

Vegeta grinned as he heard the boys making cat-calls at the downed Saiyan.

"You're going to have to do better than that, Kakarott. Otherwise the brats are going to kick your ass."

Kakarott slowly climbed to his feet, whining, "It's not fair. I don't get any sympathy at all."

Piccolo chuckled. "That's all you want? Okay. Poor Son, getting the shit knocked out of him by children. Was that enough?"

Kakarott brushed off his gi, muttering under his breath about 'Nasty bastards' before powering up and flying after his trio of opponents.

"Want to place any bets?" Vegeta asked the Namek, watching the flurry of attacks.

"Against Goku? No way. They are going to lose - they humiliated him in front of 'his prince'," Piccolo said, settling down to watch.

"Those two fight well together," Piccolo finally said, as Goten and Trunks continued to harry their opponent.

"Hn," Vegeta nodded in agreement. "They know what the other one will do. Makes them difficult to beat - it is like you are fighting one person in two bodies."

"It's even harder since Gotenks. At least separate they aren't as annoying as that egotistical little bastard," Piccolo complained.

Vegeta turned to look at the Namek, grinning. "Are you ever going to stop whining about that? It couldn't have been as bad as you say."

"Shows what you know. He was an insufferable prick. His ego was bigger than yours - if that is possible," he muttered.

"Of course he was proud - my son was part of him," Vegeta said.

"Oh, spare me. He was as much of a bastard as you are."

Vegeta grinned as Kakarott narrowly avoided a dual attack by Trunks and Gohan, only to be hit by Goten. "Yep."

They continued to watch, critiquing and commenting on the action.

"You look better than you did a few weeks ago," Piccolo finally said.

Vegeta made a non-committal grunt.

"Your ki is higher, too."

Vegeta didn't look at the Namek. Yes, he had recovered some of his ki - but it still wasn't enough to ascend. He was still uncomfortably aware of how low it had gotten. He couldn't even spar against his son right now - Trunks could accidentally kill him with one blow. Kakarott had been making him train, but was very careful to keep his ki low.

"Guess all you needed was a boyfriend," Piccolo said, smirking.

"Bastard. I still owe you for that," Vegeta said without heat.

"Maybe. But it sure made Goku happy."

Vegeta turned his head to look at the Namek.

"Yeah," he continued. "You should have seen the shit-eating grin he got on his face."

"It's a stupid term," Vegeta muttered. "Kakarott is not a boy."

Piccolo barked a laugh. "What would you prefer to be called? Partners? Lovers? Fuck-buddies?"

Vegeta glared at the Namek. "Do not say that," he snapped, tail slashing.

"What?" Piccolo asked, bewildered at the sudden change.

"Fuck buddies," he hissed.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it," Piccolo said, trying to pacify the annoyed prince.

Vegeta settled back. "Kakarott doesn't like it," he said.

Piccolo raised an eye-ridge in question. "So what do you call it?"

Vegeta sighed. "I don't know."

"Mates?"

"No..." Vegeta said thoughtfully. "That is not a bond that is made lightly. It is supposed to be for life - there is no such thing as divorce with a bond like that. But... we do have one - of some type - maybe because of the fusion..."

Both moved back as Gohan came tumbling out of the sky, stopping himself just before he slammed to the ground. The teen growled and flew back to the fight.

"There's more than one type?" Piccolo asked as they returned to their places.

"Besides mating? Radditz said there were. Some are temporary - some weaken as time goes on - others can only be broken by the death of the dominating one. I had a pack bond with Radditz - useful for a bodyguard. Master and slave - pure ownership - it makes it impossible for the slave to resist their master. Parents and children - lasts forever, but intensity weakens as the child matures."

"Saiyans kept slaves?" Piccolo asked in disgust.

"Not for centuries - and that type of bond was highly illegal. But sometimes someone would be claimed against their will. It supposedly allowed the master to see what was going on in the slave's mind. It also ensured loyalty - it was nearly impossible for the claimed one to raise their hand against their owner."

"That's sick, Vegeta," Piccolo said.

"I agree. That's why it was outlawed - and by the time I left Vegetasei I don't think anyone even knew how to create it anymore."

"What about the mating bond - what is it?"

"According to the stories, they share memories, feelings, thoughts... it requires biting each other at a certain spot on the body - Radditz wasn't too sure about it. Most of it was the stuff of legends - like the ningen 'happily ever after'. And it was kind of pointless, since we were the only ones left."

"Biting? You Saiyans are gluttons for pain, aren't you?"

Vegeta chuckled. "Sounds that way, doesn't it? I think it has something to do with certain nerves or pressure points along with the exchange of blood. I don't know for sure."

"You aren't sure how to do it? Then what are you going to do if you decide to mate with Goku?" Piccolo asked with some concern.

Vegeta made a depreciating laugh. "I don't think I need to worry about that. I'm too screwed up for him to want to bond like that."

"Don't underestimate yourself, Vegeta. He might want to," the Namek said quietly.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I don't know how and there aren't any Saiyans left to ask," Vegeta said sadly.

"Maybe Goku could ask the kais..." Piccolo suggested hesitantly.

Vegeta stared at the Namek, reflecting first hope and then despair.

"It won't work. If it was just Kakarott...but as soon as my name comes up..."

"Vegeta - if you decide this is what you want...I'll get the information for you - even if I have to beat the shit out of every kai there is," Piccolo said, stubbornly.

"Oh yeah, I'd pay money to see that," Vegeta smirked.

"Tie those damn antennae into a knot..." Piccolo muttered.

Vegeta snickered.

The youngest boys started an all-out desperate assault against their larger opponent. Vegeta's tail slashed in annoyance at the wasted energy.

Piccolo glanced over at the prince. "They're just kids, Vegeta. Give them time."

Vegeta frowned as he remembered. "Speaking of kids...the little cucumber - he fucked with me, didn't he?"

Piccolo looked at him and sighed. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't realize it until he healed Goku."

"I shouldn't be surprised. I'm not really popular with the so-called 'higher powers'."

They watched as Trunks and Goten dropped out of the fight, breathless and exhausted. Goku and Gohan continued to spar, ki flaring as they clashed.

"Kakarott doesn't know, does he?"

"No - although I think he suspects."

"Don't tell him. He'll kill the little twerp - and I don't want him to become a monster like I am."

Piccolo stared at him oddly for a moment, then nodded.

TBC