Feeling blue
Dear me. I'm so exhausted. I'm starting to wonder if something is wrong with me. Is it just my job that I'm starting to completely despise or is there something else behind it all? I don't know. I know that I’ve been feeling out of it for a while, maybe I am just going through a phase where my energy is low...I let my completely boring, unfulfilling and pointless job get to me. Usually I'm stronger, I can see the bigger picture and tell myself that I wont be sitting at my despicable desk for all eternity. But lately, it's been getting harder and harder to wake in the morning to face another day of unfulfilling work. I feel like the day where I'll start my classes is always so far away and almost unreal. Maybe I'm just tired...But in way, everything is slowly falling in its places so I should be glad. But it's like that now that I know where I'm going I want to be there already. That's so me...wishing to skip the journey to meet my goals. But aaah, nothing's that easy, I should know, I should know since my life has always been and will always be nothing but a journey.
There's something else also that I'm sure has something to do with it all. I'm in love. Yeah...I am in love. I didn't want to talk about it here where there's a small chances He could read it, but as for the moment I just don't care. It's not as if he didn't know. He knows, I told him and he already knew. I've always been an open book for anyone willing to read, I could certainly not hide the passion I have for him.
It's hard and easy at the same time...It's hard because I wish he could me mine and for the moment it can not be and it's easy because it is...it simply is. I never thought loving could be so easy. As weird as it sounds, I can love him and be satisfied with what he can give me. I am willing to be patient, understanding and strong. It's easy because it's not a sacrifice. Or it is a sacrifice, but one I am gladly making even if in the end my arms stay empty. At least, I will be able to say that for a moment I've lived a passionate affair.