I'm worthless and i'm going to kill myself

Well, today my mom yelled at me and i told her i still want to kill myself. I've been suicidal for years now... She was asking me wanted to do with my life and i replied something along the lines of "I'm gonna have a kid so i can live on well-fair. I'll get a job at McDonald's, then when i'm suck of being a big disappointment and inconvenience to everyone i'll put my kid up for adoption and i'll kill myself...creativily of course". Now ,for a normal mood that would be a very sarcastic comment, but i was serious and she knows it.

It's true tho...I don't have any skills of any will to do anything. All i can do is waste some time then die. It's all i'm worth.  I just can't understand math so i'll never even get my GED. I don't have any dreams or anything to make me want to do anything.

I'm not asking for pity or anything like that. The facts are facts and there's nothing to be done about it. I'm just sorry i didn't die when i had my as-- i can't spell it ,but i stopped breathing all the sudden and i slowly blacked out... I remember it so well it's odd. I was going in and out in the ambulance and hospital.

Anyway (sorry. everything i think of how i remember that so well when i can't remember anything else i can't stop think about it until i have the whole thought out of what happened ...up to the point where i black out again), i know killing one's self is a simple task ,but it's the fear of not knowing what death is like or what really is on the other side of life. Religions think they have the answers ,but they don't.  No one knows what's over there.

The people that say "you just want the easy with out" are worse. What easy way out? You're gonna die anyway, i just wanna get it over with.  I don't think of death as an "easy way out". I think of death as a hard way out. It takes alot of a person to kill themselves. I don't see them as cowards or heroes...They just couldn't take it anymore. Either suffer in life ,or just go on and die and get out of everyone else's way.

I said i don't want pity and i doubt anyone cares since no one on this site really knows me. I guess that's why i post. I can tell anyone anything and they don't know me well enough to care ,nor can they do anything about it.