Kiri's Story: Avangard

Kiri looked at the moon gate, and then back to Faedin. She liked this forest, but she had stayed long enough. She hadn't found what she was looking for, here. Not that she knew what that was. Maybe just companionship. Playing in taverns and inns over the years had kept her alive, but the nomadic lifestyle didn't lend itself much to making friends.

Maybe if she could just find the right portal, she could go home. Maybe if she could get home, she could send word to her family, and find out about Finean. It was torture, not knowing. The nightmares came less now, but still too often for comfort. She would close her eyes and smell the searing flesh, hear the crackling of burning skin. If she could just know whether Dunnor's efforts had been successful... If she could be sure whether or not she was a murderer, maybe the nightmares would stop and she could allow herself to... to what? To love? She couldn't do that. Not knowing now where love took her – so far in her life love lead to death. From love straight to a funeral pyre. Not love, then. But maybe, if she could find someone to share stories with – someone to listen? Maybe that's what she needed. It was what she'd have to settle for, anyhow.

Kiri tucked her ringlets behind her ears. A few popped back out again immediately and sprung back over her cheeks, tickling her and causing her eye to twitch. She huffed her hair out of the way and gathered her lyre and camping pack, making her way to the gate. This one was a huge, circular bridge. They were all different, the portals – but still much the same. A perfect circle in the middle of everything. Here in Faedin, it was a stone-lined structure among the glowing mushrooms and warm natural lines of the trees. The construction looked strange set in the organic beauty around her.

She looked back one more time, and held her hand out to cup a glowing mushroom spore before blowing it out into the forest mist like a child blows the seeds of a dandelion. Maybe she could find it again someday. This place was good for meditation – something Kiri occasionally needed to cool the heat in her core.

Taking a final breath of the forest air, she stepped over the threshold. This was always a jarring feeling – her body felt torn apart, but not in a painful way. It was as if she was in so many pieces, existing simultaneously. Rocketed through a spinning void to arrive whole on the other side. Where would it be, this time?

It felt like hours, but it could not have taken more than a few seconds. Kiri's body reassembled and she stepped forward, her bare feet touching the coldness of metal. She heard the humming before her eyes adjusted to the the light. Ahead of her, there was a railing – she was in some kind of ship. She could feel the rocking now, but she couldn't hear the ocean. She looked around and noticed this place was full of people of all different shapes and colours. Some weren't people, even – they looked to be made of metal with gears exposed. That was the humming – these metal constructs were whirring and flitting about like forest creatures, but seemingly without much purpose. Squirrels gathered nuts for the winter – these little things were gathering... garbage? They appeared to be cleaning up after the crowds.

Kiri shook her head in confusion and took a step forward, her curls tangling themselves in the breeze which swept up from outside on the deck. As she walked slowly forward, someone near her turned quickly, crashing an arm into her chest. Kiri felt a sudden cold wetness over her front as she jumped backwards.

“Oh, sorry Red! I didn't see you there!” a blond man with a crisp uniform looked at her apologetically, “And it appears I've ruined your blouse.”

Kiri looked down to see a dark purple stain spreading over her front. Damn. That would be tough to wash out. Her only shirt, too. Oh well, she could maybe wear it backwards. No one would notice if she was careful.

“It's alright, sir. I don't know where I'm going – I'm sure I got in the way.” Kiri blushed. This man looked so much like Finean, with his crisp uniform and strong jawline. Best to get away quickly.

“I couldn't possibly leave you looking like that, and by my own clumsiness! Won't you let me take you to the market? I could get you something to replace it.” The man swept an arm in front of Kiri, beckoning her forward.

There goes my quick escape.

She was taught to be polite to strangers – you never knew who you were really meeting, after all. Besides, on general principle, it's better to be kind. She followed the man's outstretched arm and moved into the throng of bodies.

Kiri was lost in the din – so many people talking around her. She hadn't been in a crowd like this since leaving home. Even then, this kind of large gathering was rare. She felt herself beginning to panic. Just as she was ready to turn and run like a jackrabbit, she felt a strong hand on her arm, gentle but firm, leading her away from the crushing masses. She breathed a small sigh of relief. At least, she expected a sigh. What came out was more of a squeak.

“Red, are you alright?” Came a deep voice beside her. It resonated with concern.

“I... What? I'm sorry. Yes, I just – I don't know where I am. Who are all these people?” Kiri's eyes were wide, looking around the metal ship with utter confusion. For a woman of nearly 30 years, she looked more like a child who had lost her mother.

“Let me get you out of here. I can explain when you're calmer.”

Kiri focused on the kind stranger leading her away from the noise. It seemed like it took hours, but eventually they reached a long corridor lined with shops. There were fewer people milling about here. A manageable level, even. Kiri took another deep breath; the air was thick with the smell of oil and machinery workings. As she brought her eyes upwards to take in the sights, she noticed all types of knick-knacks laying on tables; fabrics of varying prints and colours hung and swayed with the movement of the ship, and a few food vendors were yelling out the prices of their produce.

“The third one in, I think, has a few things that might suit you?” The man looked back at Kiri, studying her face. This time, she looked back properly. He was handsome – short blond hair neatly combed, blue eyes set under a strong brow. He had wide, muscular shoulders that couldn't be hidden by the captain's coat he wore. “Once we've got you something to wear, we can find a quiet place to sit and talk. Maybe have a drink or two, if you're up for it.”

Kiri nodded, and made her way to the stall he had indicated. Turning to her companion, she laughed. “I don't even know your name. I am Kiri. If you're going to be buying me a new shirt, and a drink for that matter, I should know what to call you.”

“Merian Rada, at your service.” The man made an almost comically exaggerated bow. “You can call me Merry.”

“Alright, then, Merry. It's a pleasure to meet you.” Kiri looked quickly through the racks and tried to find something not too costly, before realizing she had no idea what the currency in this place even was.

Hmph. Why does everything have to be so alien, here?

She grabbed the first outfit that wasn't mustard yellow, holding it up to the eager shopkeep. “This one, please.”

The round woman on the other side of the table smiled broadly, and held out a hand towards Kiri. “50 trokens, miss. A mighty fine choice, I may add.” Merry nudged his way beside Kiri, handing the coins to the woman. “Ah! Thank you, sir. May I interest you in anything else?”

“Not today, thanks.” Merry turned and led Kiri out of the market line towards a darkened corner. “If you trust me, Red, I can keep guard for your privacy. Not many folks come to this area.”

“Quite the gentleman, aren't you?” Kiri let a playful smirk touch her lips. “Alright, Merry. I accept your offer. Here, hold this.” She handed her camping pack and lyre to him, ensuring he had a firm grasp before she let go of her instrument.

Kiri turned her back to the man shielding her decency, pulling off the stained cotton shirt. This was the shirt she had been wearing and repairing for the last nine years – the same one Milena had given her that fateful night. She steeled herself. It would do no good to think on that now. She pulled the white silk over her head. Oh, this was very soft – maybe she picked something expensive after all. Pulling on the pants, she fixed her belt in place before neatly bundling her old clothes, and turning back to her companion.

“I'm ready,” she whispered. “Thank you for standing watch.” Kiri bowed her head and looked up at Merry through her lashes. She was embarrassed at having spent his money, but he didn't seem to mind too much.

“Gorgeous – a perfect fit, Red. Shall we?” Gesturing to a nearby stairwell, Merry handed Kiri back her lyre and pack, and she shouldered the weight, making her way up the stairs. “I know a good spot we can go for some quiet while we watch the approach to the floating cities.”

“Floating cities?” Kiri's eyes went wide again. Floating on the water? No. She hadn't heard any waves.

“You're in an airship, Red. We're in the skies, far above solid ground. This is Avangard – the whole place floats.”

“I wonder how they work?” Kiri pondered as one of the small metal constructs buzzed past.

“Excuse me?” Merian stopped the little machine. “Two glasses of port, please.” He deposited a coin into the back of the metal head, and with a clunk and a whoosh, a door opened, producing two full glasses. Merian reached inside, pulling them out and turning back to Kiri, holding the drinks and pointing towards the deck with a nod of his head.

Kiri took her pack off her shoulders, laying it against the wall behind them, and took the glass offered to her. Why not? It had been a long time since she'd had a drink, and she could use one right about now. She leaned against the cold railing and took a sip, letting the sweet liquid roll over her tongue, trailing warmth down her throat to her centre. That was good.

With a contented sigh, she turned to look at the man beside her. What a curious person. He was friendly and warm, but she looked into his eyes and saw... what? She saw herself. Not as a reflection, but behind the kindness there was something else. Longing? Loneliness? Whatever it was, Kiri felt she could understand him. And that was dangerous. She knew the danger, but damn it, she could control herself. Tonight, at least, she could have a friend.

“So, then, Red, what brings you here?” Merry sipped his port without breaking eye contact, leaning his back against the railing.

“I don't know, Merry. Really, I don't. I'm trying to find a way home, but I don't know what I will do if – when – I do find the right portal. It's been a long time.” Kiri turned to look out at the sky before continuing.

“Most of the places I've gone were fairly empty. Occasional towns, taverns where I could play my songs for a bite to eat and a place to rest my head... And what about you? Do you spend all your time bumping into people and buying them new outfits?” She smirked.

“Nah, only the pretty ones.” Merian took another drink and turned to look out towards the clouds, not looking at Kiri's reddening face. “I come through the portals, myself. Although, sometimes it's good for me to be away from home. So you sing, Red? You seemed pretty shy earlier. I'm surprised you can play to a crowd. I think I'd like to see that some day.”

“Music is different. I can lose myself. When I play, the crowds melt away, and it's just me and the melody. It's like its own type of portal, only your body doesn't actually leave. When I was young, all I wanted was to be a travelling minstrel. I wanted to see the world, bring my songs and stories to everyone. I wanted to help people feel; music becomes a shared emotion. Everyone in the same room, guided by the notes, shares a heartbeat.” Kiri's eyes grew distant as she lost herself in reverie.

“And now?” Merry's quiet question brought her back.

“Now?” Kiri moved her eyes back to Merry's face.

“You said you wanted this when you were young. What about now? What do you want now?”

“I want... I don't know, anymore, Merry. You've been kind, and I don't want to lie to you, but it's going to take more than two sips of (admittedly very nice) port to get into that.” Damn. That was heavier than she meant to get with this person. She was starting to like him – she didn't want to scare him away.

“I can certainly help with supplying more port! Look, we're almost at the floating city.” Kiri followed Merry's gaze forward to see the lights and glinting metal of the distant towers among the clouds, metal birds zipping between spires and popping in and out of the mist.

“Red, it seems to me like you may need a bit of a distraction. I hear there are daily races in town. If you want, we could get a couple bottles of this stuff,” he lifted his glass, now mostly empty, “and have a nice day watching these ships. What do you say?”

“I'd say that sounds like my pace. I think I'd like that very much indeed.” Kiri looked at Merry and smiled – a genuine smile.

A few hours later, Merry had managed to find a less-populated green space in the floating city. It was a large green grass field bordered by metal barriers from the roadways. There were vendors at the entrance renting picnic blankets and offering various packages, from four-course meals to crackers and cheese on flimsy plates. Merry purchased a blanket and a few bottles of port and led Kiri to a quiet corner where they could see the ships zooming past far above them. The races could be exhilarating, Kiri thought, but today all she really wanted was to lose herself and forget her troubles.

Crouching on to the blanket, Merry poured them each a full glass, and proceeded to make himself comfortable. “Okay, then, Red. Here we are, in a magical floating city, a glass of good stuff and good company. What would you like to make of this scenario?”

Kiri took a long swig of the port. Her nose was starting to tingle a little already, but she might as well use what she could to reduce at least a little of her substantial barriers. To Hell with being shy – she'd been alone long enough. “How about some pleasant conversation, to start with? What brought you to Avangard? You know how I got here.”

“Well, I got here in much the same way. Walked through a portal and bam! There I was! But I don't seem to have the same troubles with crowds that you do. I asked around, learned how things worked, got myself some refreshment, and at some point turned around and found an excellent drinking companion. And here we are.”

“Here we are.” Kiri finished her glass and poured another. This would be hitting hard soon. “Cheers to that, sir!” A clink of their glasses and both looked up in time to see three ships racing past over their heads, small white trails of steam tailing behind them.

“I always loved a good story, you know. But as I get older, I realize that every good story to tell includes intrigue and heartbreak, battles, and death. It's days like this – quiet, calm days – when I feel the most... me. Does that make sense?”

“I understand you perfectly, Red.” Merry peered at her over his glass and leaned back lazily.

“Well, maybe you understand, but I fear I might be a bit of a boring companion because of it.” Kiri chuckled lightly and poked her nose – it was numb now.

“I don't think you're boring, Red. Besides, if nothing else, I'm enjoying the view.” Merry studied her and crossed his ankles.

“Have you ever just wanted to escape into nothingness, Merry? I mean, completely lose yourself and forget everything but the moment you're in? Start again and forget where you've been and how you got there?”

“What do you think the port is for?”

“Oh – well, I guess it works then.” Kiri shuffled herself closer to Merry, leaning on his shoulder and taking another gulp. Merry raised his eyebrows at her forwardness, but put his arm around her shoulders and allowed her to nestle in.

They sat a while in comfortable silence, the sounds of the city distant around them. This was easy – this way of just... being. Existing together, but apart. From different worlds, but connected by circumstance.

A mother and child passed by in front of them, the child escaping his mother's hand and running ahead. “Mommy, look, I'm a racing ship too! ZOOOOOOM!” He held out both arms and ran on two tiny legs as his mother swore under her breath and chased after him.

Kiri watched them and laughed loudly, her entire body shaking with mirth. She looked up at the man beside her. “Should I be a ship too, Merry, do you think?” she lay over his lap and spread both arms wide beside her, lightly rolling side to side as she giggled. “Zooooom!”

Merian looked down at the laughing woman in his lap. When did she go from shy and demure to rolling on the blanket over his legs? She was a bit different, this one.

“You know what else I like, mister Merry?” Kiri raised her blue eyes intently with the question.

“What's that, Red?” Merry absentmindedly stroked the soft red curls spread over his lap.

“Rain. I like the rain. When the water falls from the sky and brings life with it, cooling the fires and calming the flames. And then after the rain, when droplets cling to everything and leave a fresh smell. It makes me think of new beginnings... and healing.”

“That's... not what I was expecting you to say. But sure, rain is nice.” Merian couldn't help but laugh at the small woman laying over his lap, her lips red from the port.

“You're nice, too. You smell good. Not like springtime, but like... allspice and bergamot. You remind me of home.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Right now it's good.” Kiri pushed herself back up so she was sitting. “You know, I should probably be wearing my shoes...”

“Honestly, I didn't even know you had any. You've been barefoot since we met.”

“Well, yes. It's nice to walk barefoot in the forest mosses, you know. I was in a forest before I came here. But I do have shoes.” She turned and rummaged in the camping pack, pulling out her soft travelling boots and rolling backwards as she tugged them on.

“Graceful, Red. Is that a new dance?”

Kiri sniggered at the tease. “Listen, I can dance when I want to!”

“Hm. You might have to prove it to me.”

“I'm not going to dance on our picnic blanket.” Kiri sat back up straight and put both hands on her hips in mock annoyance.

“Well, then, Red, we could take this somewhere else if you like? I'll have to get a room anyway, and I'd be happy to share it.”

“Oh! oh.” Kiri's face fell, suddenly looking serious. “Listen, you are very handsome, and I've been bad because – well, because I would love to share a bed with you, to be perfectly honest. But... But I can't.”

Merry held up his hands. “Don't worry, Red. I won't push.”

“It's just – you remind me so much of Finean...” Tears welled up in her eyes. Shit. She hadn't considered that drinking to lower inhibitions would also negate her ability to hold back these emotions. One tear escaped her large blue eye as she looked at the attractive man sitting beside her before she could hold back no more. “And I don't know if he's dead or alive, or if I killed him... And I was letting myself forget today, but... Goddess, I just wish I were normal.”

A shadow passed over Merian's features as he sobered immediately. “I have a feeling that however you are not 'normal' is not something you should feel bad about. So... Uh... I guess let's start with who's Finean and why do you think you killed him?”

Kiri took a shaky breath and wiped the tears from her face. “I'm sorry, Merry. What have I done? I can't discuss this here.” She began to stand up and stumbled a little when she realized it wasn't just her nose that was numb – the drink had affected her entire body now. Damn. Double damn. She ruined the evening and she could barely walk. A steady hand reached up to her.

“It's alright, Kiri. Let's get that room. No pretenses – I can see you're drunk anyway, and I don't sleep with drunk people, so you're safe from my advances. You can tell me your story, and I can make sure you have a safe place to pass out.”

“Goddess be damned, why do you have to be so handsome and nice?” Kiri sniffled, grabbing his hand to steady herself.

“It's hereditary, I guess. Come on, let's get you out of here.”

The rest of the evening was spent all-too-soberly, as Kiri explained her entire path up to exile to her new friend. The nightmare she had never shared with anyone, she was now sharing with a man she had known less than a day. Her heart sunk until it felt like stone falling into her core. She wasn't the strong woman she had tried to be – she was weak, and broken. Telling Merry lifted a little of the weight from her long years alone, but it didn't break the emptiness of her curse – the fire which forced her into isolation, and banned her from the love she so desperately desired to feel.

After telling her tale, there was nothing left. The night had been long, sitting together high in a foreign land among the clouds. A final tear rolled down her cheek as Kiri closed her eyes, falling asleep in Merry's arms. Merian took a moment after he heard her breathing steady to think. How would he be able to help this one? She was pretty far gone already. He ran his free hand along her curls. She smelled of moss and forest soil, and he allowed her scent to fill his nostrils as he considered his next steps. Another lost soul to find. Another fire bird he needed to teach how to fly.