Suck My Triforce: Chapter 1: The sexing.

It was a dark and stormy night, or one of those nights that would most typically be associated with hairy man-rape buttsex. The clouds were heavy in the sky with moisture that leaked in puddles to the earth, which received the hard pelts of wetness much like a man on the underbelly of an even larger, bulkier male, frothing at the mouth like a rabid dog, receives a huge, throbbing penis in his tight, scrawney little anus.

Anyways, this kind of weather was most unusual in the kingdom of Hyrule, or atleast for the sake of this story it is, as this particular dark and stormy night happens to be the prelude to disgusting, brutal, sweaty, cacophonous buttsex.

On that note; Link was lying in his bed, tossing and turning between his fabulous green cotton sheets which he had picked up at Pier 1 previous to this particular night (sometime earlier in the week while he was running errands around town. He ran out of cottage cheese for his favorite cucumber wedge recipe, and happened upon the store in his travels) when suddenly he rose from his pillows, perspiring perfusely in a fashion simmilar to someone rising from a bench press after a vigerous work out... And being fucked in the ass. His chest was heaving and his flesh trembled, giving evidence to the fact that he had indeed been woken by the terrifying events of the subconscious--a nightmare.

"Oh my.. God, that was terrible!" the Hylian spoke after taking a moment to catch his breath. He raised his palm to his forehead and pressed it firmly against his temple as if to keep his brains from leaking out of his head. "I dreamt.. I was being raped in the ass by some terrible fiend.." the words left his mouth hesitantly. He swallowed in a manner that appeared to be repressing the impulsive urge to vomit before speaking again, matter-of-factly, "... Namely, Ganondorf."

No sooner than he had said the evil-doers name, who was believed to still be trapped within the relm of.. Whatever the fuck, that a soft flicker of candle light illuminated the dark room.

Link gasped, obviously struck with shock and HORROR. He stared intently at the light, trying his damnedest to make out the figure, the creature, the terrible being who at the moment, could not be distinguished as Ganondorf (although quite obviously being him) who had striken one of his precious scented candles aflame; the stench of sweet honey and cinnamon began to tinge the room.

"Who.. Who's there!" Link called out, unable to put his investigative powers to use. He wrung his sheets to his chest, hoping to scrounge protection from the apparent evil that threatened to clutch him, all the while cursing himself in his head for being stupid enough to put his Hyrulian shield in the dishrack to dry after cleaning it. He watched with what could only be described as anticipation as more of his candles burst with flame, and the room was illuminated with deep orage light. He grimmaced, knowing that the room was going to smell like shit and that his candles were put to waste for this dumbass psuedo-drammatic expose'.

Standing in the doorway, tall and meaty in stature, was the former silhuette of a man--now a stunning visual of power, hunger, and lust--glistening in his bulky, naked flesh...

"G-Ganondorf!"

"That's right, shit-mongrel," the deep, resonate voice of Ganon boomed against the wooden walls of Links once fashionably comfy home. Lightening cracked softly in the background, rumbling with Ganon's voice while he paced toward Link's bed like a powerhouse of beef and sexy; his mighty naked penis vieny, erect, and waving between his legs as he walked. "My penis has been hungry for your delicious buttermilk biscuit ass for quite some time, now."

Link felt a shiver rush down his spine. A flood of words poured into his brain, his lips quivered with the intention to speak, but words failed to suffice; there were no words to discribe the absolute dread, shock, horror, and fear he had pulsating through his blood upon Ganon's ever-so-eloquent proposition. However, in the back of Link's mind, there was a hot tingling sensation that threatened to delve into a secret part of his brain which was linked (no pun intended!) to his deepest homosexual desires.

.. But for the most part, Link was scared shitless as Ganon approached him like a lion hunting for anus to rape.

Just as Ganon was kneeling on the end of Link's bed, the Hylian spoke, his voice riddled with panic and with the obvious intention of stalling the other man, who's penis was staring him in the face, threatening to coat his innocence with its thick, chunky semen of evil.

"But--Ganon! How did you escape from the seal the sages put on you!" Link asked, pressing his back against the head board as Ganon persued him. His breath was still, ready to sigh as he saw Ganon pause and his "hungry for butthole" expression twist to that of a man who seemed tired, as though he had been asked to repeat something for the umph-teenth time.

"I had a friend pick me up in his Calberlier. He knew one of the sages. Impa, I think. They were old college buddies--did a lot of pot together, shit like that." Link nodded along as if he had personal experience with Ganon and his friend's academic antics, "Anyways, he came by, picked me up, brought me back here. Have been hungry for your butthole ever since."

Link had been nodding along again until he heard Ganon's "hungry for your butthole" statement, which brought his head to a jarring hault. The former expression of fear he had on his face overwhelmed it once more while Ganon propped himself on Link's bed, who seemed quite intent on fulfilling his starving penis's desire to fish through the Hylian's butthole like a spatula scraping the walls of a bowl full of dough.

Before Link could think to protest against this calamitous vivacity, however, he found that his sheets had been yanked from his grip and carelessly tossed aside by the vicious Ganondorf. With a soft "fwump", they spilled on the floor with Link's eyes trailing every inch of the beautiful fabric as it hit the ground, collecting microfibers of dirt and dust from the hardwood carpetry. He could feel his gut sink in distress; he would have to wash those sheets after this whole fiasco was done and over with.

Link's attention was soon brought to the wide-eyed expression that had now taken place on Ganondorf's face. He was looking at something on his own body, but Link couldn't figure out just what.

"What the.. Fuck?" Ganon said, pointing to Link's lap, "Spandex?" one of his firey, bushy eyebrows rose questionably to the tight green display of crotch fashion the hero chose to wear. "What are you, gay?"

Link flushed and narrowed his own blonde brows, clearly offended by this insinuation. "What? They're comfortable and easy to manuver in!"

"Yeah, maybe if you're a fairy, frollicking in fields like a queer-ass faggot who's ass is about to get raped by a penis twice the size of your face."

"Well! Had I known I was going to be RAPED tonight, I would've worn something more appropriate for the occasion!" Link huffed, crossing his arms. The room was silent besides the delicate tapping of rain against the rooftop; all seemed normal until the Hylian felt the waistband of his previous spandex snap in two.

He squirmed, "HEY!" Link looked between his legs to see Ganon tearing off the remains of his once cute, goucchi undergarments and discard them to the floor as he did with his sheets. He then watched Ganon advance his long, sausage-like fingers to his delicate nether-regions; it was like watching a bull rape another bull in a room full of crystal, glass, and precious china. Link trembled at the thought. 'He's going to break my penis like a penis made of glass.'

Anticipating the seering pain of his wonder shaft breaking in half, Link was instead taken aback by the smooth, gentle sensation of Ganon's fingers gingerly caressing his balls. It was delightfully refreshing, abiet surprising to the Hylian that this monster could be so incredibly tender.

He sighed, relieved that his penis was safe and in-tact. Now all that Link was concerned about was where these turn of events would lead--besides sexual arousal, that is, which Link was already in the middle of experiencing.

Though he could not size up to the sheer length, volume, and size of Ganon's massive (erect) penis, Link could honestly say that this was the biggest he had seen his shaft grow through the stimmulation of another man. Ganon seemed surprised, too; delighted, even! A wicked grin spread across his sickly vomit-green lips as he continued to tickle and tease Link's scotum. Link, all the meanwhile, had closed his eyes and allowed his body to relax on the bed, letting the evil-doer take him on a magical pony ride to ecstacy.

Little did Link know HIS magical pony ride to ecstacy was not what Ganon had in store for him! Oh, Heaven's, no! Ganondorf's only concern was riding his OWN pony to ecstacy--Link present, or not!

He worked vigorously on Link's pleasure for the moment, however, so that when he surprised him by jamming his penis into his tight butthole, it would be all the more.... Well, surprising.

In the meantime, Ganon stroked, tickled, fondled, measured, played yhatzee with, talked to, suckled, licked, slobbered on, and sucked on Link's now throbbing red member. Drawing his attention away from Link's penis for a moment, Ganon examined the Hylian's face, which was twisted in an expression that of one approaching ecstacy.

Link's breath was heavy, hot, and doing that cute little whimpery thing as it left his lips that were parted in a manner strangely resembling that of a vagina. Sweat was beading on his face. His blonde hair was matted to his cheeks, temples, forehead in a desheveled mess. His ears remained pointy throughout the 5-minute duration of Ganon's nut-teasing session.

Truly, Link was feeling what could only be described as ecstacy.

'You will be taken to hell and back soon enough, Shithole McGee,' Ganon thought, a malicious, kaniving, bastardly look racing across his hamburger-like face. He removed his hands, lips, and any other miscallenious appendage that may have been surrounding the Hylian cock; Link's body quenced, yearning for more.