That's the Way Love Goes: XVI

A/N: I'm getting there. I know you are all VERY (that's right, all caps, since you guys are screaming at me) anxious to see Sesshoumaru again. But it's gonna be a little longer. Why? Because once he shows up, there isn't a whole lot left to the story. So really, unless you want the story to be over, you shouldn't be begging for his return. Don't worry, I know how you feel. You'll see him one day, and you'll love me again, I promise. Well, maybe not right away… Also - please keep in mind that I try to be very canon, and therefore only go by the manga. So later, when you're asking `what about…', remember that although I love the 3rd Inuyasha movie very much (Sesshy galore!) it didn't actually happen.

I want to address a reader on Dokuga, since I can't respond directly. Aurora Antheia Raine, YOU ROCKED MY SOCKS. Seriously, I've been feeling pretty bad about myself with this story, and then you came along. You completely understand the story like no one else, and you totally made my year. Don't worry that the year just started - your review (and by the way, I LOVE long reviews, so don't sweat it) will last me throughout 2009. And I'm actually glad you dislike the InuKag goings-on. This story was meant for the SessKag lovers, and the reaction was supposed to be, “WHAT?! THEY CAN'T BE TOGETHER!” But don't be afraid to tell me if something feels off - I'm pretty good about constructive criticism. I was so impressed by your comprehension of the story that I don't even think FanArt could make me feel this good. And that's saying something. *wink* (I would have addressed this earlier, but this is the chapter I was working on when I received the comment.)

Again, the perfect soundtrack to Sesshoumaru's thoughts. I recommend it highly. As usual, I wanted to put more in, but I refrained.

“I dreamed I was missing.

You were so scared.

But no one would listen,

`Cause no one else cared.

After my dreaming,

I woke with this fear.

What am I leaving,

When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me, I want you to know…

When my time comes,

Forget the wrong that I've done.

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.

Don't resent me;

And when you're feeling empty,

Keep me in your memory.

Leave out all the rest…

Leave out all the rest.” - Leave Out All The Rest, Linkin Park

That's the Way Love Goes

Chapter XVI

She had taken to meditating. She was never fond of yoga and such, but she had seen Miroku do poses before, and he was so serene. Well, other than his hatred for Naraku or anything else that posed a threat to Sango or their friends. But when they weren't fighting, he seemed to be able to cope with his situation best. Never mind that he had been keeping the secret that he was dying from them all for a few weeks. In the end, it had worked out. And he had kept up his Buddhist ministrations into the two years after, when she was there. He probably still did them now.

It happened that an old man - a friend of her grandfather's - had come to the shrine. He was a holy man, and when he saw Kagome, he took her away from Inuyasha to tell her that she had to do something about her spirit. It was restless, and angry.

Funny, she didn't feel angry.

He promised to teach her to meditate, and he would come in the mornings. Inuyasha was bored with just the idea of meditation, so he would look for things to do while she sat in the rising sun with the old man, and they built a routine. Of course, he was a little too old for the job, and the shrine steps took its' toll on him. He was in good shape, but she knew that even her grandfather took some time to get up and down them, and he rarely did even that. So once she had the routine memorized, the man let her continue on her own, and she made him promise to call.

She couldn't believe the difference it made in her life. She cleared her mind, and it was easier to think about her apparent anger afterwards. She realized, as the weeks passed, that she was actually quite angry. With everyone. Her heart never felt so black in her life. That must have been what the elderly man said about her spirit being restless - she needed to come to terms with the anger.

She was upset with her family for leaving. She wasn't ready to let go of them quite yet. Only when she had found true love and happiness had she begun to think that she just might not need them as much anymore. Those times were gone.

She was angry with Inuyasha, for not consulting her about the jewel beforehand - his wish affected her as much as he, so why hadn't she the right to know? She had loved him - once - as a hanyou, and didn't want him to change. She knew she was no Kikyou, but that's what she felt like. And now… she hated to admit it, but… Inuyasha just wasn't as much fun as a human. She had been intrigued on nights of the New Moon, but that's as much of Inuyasha's human side she could take. And he was not only defenseless now, but was aging. She wouldn't see it for many years to come, but she knew that he was. And that made her feel like he had cheated himself. He wasn't born to live eighty years, he was born to live… well, however long hanyou live. And then there was the biggest sacrifice - the well no longer worked. She badly wanted to see Sango and Rin, and their families. She wondered if Kohaku and Rin - both so young - had started a family yet. She wondered if Kaede had replaced her yet. But she would never know.

Of course, it took her a very long time - over six months of meditation - to realize that she was furious with Sesshoumaru. In the beginning, she had told herself it wasn't his fault. He had regained his memories, and of course, freaked out when he realized what was going on. Obviously, he had both sets of memories, and the newer ones didn't make him as happy as he had been. She made excuses for him, and she cried over the loss of him. She cried for Rin, too, who was banished for no good reason except that Sesshoumaru apparently didn't think straight when he was very upset. And he had never looked so cold, so frightening, as he did that winter morning. His eyes had chilled her to the bone in a way that the winds couldn't.

Once she began meditating, however, she found that - you know what? I am friggin' pissed at him! She stripped away the excuses and the sympathy, and found that even though she couldn't blame him in the beginning for sending them away, she did blame him for not being man enough to step away from his own fears. She didn't know much about the former Sesshoumaru, but she knew that he didn't want to be like his father, in respect to human women. As a matter of fact, he seemed to have an aversion to women in general. Sure, he had saved her a couple of times, but that was probably more his growing compassion rather than any affinity for females.

She knew that deep down inside was that changed Sesshoumaru. His circumstances growing up had made him cruel and methodical, only seeking power. But when he had forgotten who he was, a different creature was born. She had seen that he was capable of love, mutual respect, compassion, and consideration. And when he had `woken up', that same information had frightened him. He didn't understand that he only quested for power because of his experiences as a growing Taiyoukai. He didn't understand that - had he a loving mother like Izayoi, or had his father not died - he might have grown up a different way. Not so ruthless. A little more caring.

Once she had to sort it all through, Kagome found that she wasn't quite so angry anymore. There were no pity parties, because she spoke to no one of her revelations. She accepted that although she had not been ready to let go of her family, they had been ready to move on. She believed that Inuyasha had thought he was making the right choice, and even though he had no right to it, as she was the guardian of the jewel, she decided that what was done was done, and she would never feel better until she realized that she had to live with his decision. Lastly - and it was the hardest part - she needed to forgive Sesshoumaru. That took the entire six months. In the beginning, she hadn't wanted to forgive him. She wanted to hate him. But it was getting her nowhere. Who would she be if she couldn't forgive the man she loves? And that was the crux of it. Despite everything, despite the pain, the crying, the heartbreak, and the fear, she still loved him. And if she didn't admit it to herself and force herself to realize that that was the real reason she was angry - the man she loved rejected her so freely - she would be angry forever. So she forgave him.

After that, she was unstoppable.

Her mood lifted considerably. She had more energy, returned to her normal weight, and hummed when she was cleaning or cooking. The one healing she had done - she had been on the way to the market when a boy's foot got stuck in a drain and twisted his ankle - had taken so little energy that she hardly felt drained at all. Of course, Inuyasha thought himself to be the cause of the Return of the Old Kagome, and Kagome, now more forgiving than ever, let him. He had lost many things too, in his quest to make her happy, so she wouldn't spoil it.

The only downside to that was that his appetite for her had grown, and although she enjoyed the sex, she was very often feeling unfulfilled. And if she was going to spend the rest of her life with him, she was going to have to tell him. And she didn't want to hurt him - he thought he was doing a pretty decent job. In truth, he was. It wasn't his fault that he didn't know about the female orgasm. Then again, it made it easy for her - she didn't have to `fake it', as she had heard on TV or from friends. But did it really matter, anyways?

It had been her fate to get pulled into a well at fifteen and fall in love for the first time. It had been her destiny to return the Shikon no Tama to its' former glory and rid the world of Naraku in the process. But when all of that was over… She hadn't belonged anywhere. She had done everything she was meant to do. Her purpose had been to purify Maghatsuhi - the collective evil inside the jewel, the mass of demon's souls that had been battling with Midoriko when she created the jewel - and then get rid of the damned thing.

But she had been selfish. All this time, she had been upset with Inuyasha for taking into his hands what she had been afraid to do, but really, he had saved her from another dilemma. She was being selfish, and hadn't recognized it. Had she gotten it over with, she might have been stuck in Inuyasha's time. She would have missed her family, but who knows? She would have never gotten to know Sesshoumaru, married Inuyasha, and perhaps had children. She wouldn't have gone through all that pain, and she would have a new life, filled with friends.

But her own selfishness had prevented her from seeing that. It was probably better that Inuyasha had made the wish, because her heart was pure no longer. Her selfishness would have left the tiniest amount of darkness in the jewel, and who knows what would have happened? Apparently, Inuyasha had made the right wish, and he was fine. Sometimes she worried - the wish to become human was sacrificial, but he was doing it to benefit himself in the long run. There didn't seem to be any repercussions - would there be? - but it was enough to keep her occupied when she thought about it.

The worst part of it all was that she realized how very, very stupid she had been. How could she agree to marry Inuyasha? She realized now that this was one of the reasons she had been so depressed - she really hadn't wanted to marry him, when her heart ached for someone else. She should have told him `no'. Then he would be living - as a hanyou - in his time, not stuck here as a shrine worker as a human. But she had needed him so much. He made her feel needed and wanted. She hadn't realized at the time that this was all she wanted - if she had, she could have had any man take care of her. But they had a history, and Inuyasha was devoted to her, so how could she have refused? Easy, she told herself. No. See? That wasn't so hard. But even so, she couldn't imagine actually doing it. He would have been crushed beyond belief - could she really have done that to him?

She doubted it. But she should have done it. If… Well, there were a lot of `what ifs'. And in the end, she had made herself miserable, stuck with a man that she loved, but was not in love with. And he had no idea.

Really, there was no one else to blame but herself. And that was unforgivable, no matter how enlightened she was these days.

~~~~~%~~@

Through the centuries, the worst part was remembering.

He tried not to think about it - not because of any lingering doubts, but because it was too hard, knowing what he had let go of. Dreams would wake him; sometimes, they were the very same dreams of his own memories. Many times, he dreamed of the time he had rescued her from Inuyasha. Mostly, he dreamed only snippets: he would wake up remembering her scent, or the warmth of her pressed against him. Of course then he would wake up cursing himself.

He found, though, as time went on, that those memories helped him live on. What else did he have? Possessions meant nothing, and he felt no need to conquer - he had surpassed his father, and now that he had, there was nothing left to want. Except Kagome.

One day, as he allowed Gin to crawl all over him, he remembered what happened right after their little `accident'. He had protected her fiercely, crouching low over her helpless form as she lay unconscious; Jaken hadn't been a threat, but he hadn't known. He chuckled, remembering. Then he had cared for her, washing away the blood. He had even adorned her with his kimono, lest she travel naked.

Once, after both of the families she had left behind died, he remembered how happy she had been that Kohaku and Rin loved each other. She was like a proud mother, finding the perfect match for her daughter. She had been worried, too. Afraid that he would not approve. In truth, had he been his normal self, he probably would have not allowed such a young relationship to blossom. But Kagome had known that this was normal for humans - she could not wait until she was fifty to be betrothed, as Taiyoukai often did. His trust in the miko had let him see the truth; the two loved each other, and it was a fine match.

One day, when Edo had changed its' name to Tokyo, he had stopped dead in his tracks on a street. He chuckled to himself, unable to hold it back after remembering how Kagome had slapped him when she woke up. She had been just as surprised in that moment as he had when he finally regained his memories - right before it turned to anger and disgust. Looking back, he realized that her sudden acquiescence could mean only one thing - she had thought she was either hallucinating, or dreaming. Stupid girl, he thought humorously. But nevertheless, she had allowed it. She accepted her `dream' and went back to sleep. Again later, she had been alarmed - she couldn't have that same dream twice - and then they had to speak about it. He couldn't believe the amount of trust he had put in her back then. But, then again, Kagome was not a vengeful being.

Although, she had been quite upset with him when he had intruded on her bathing. He remembered his youki goading him, bringing him to her. He hadn't been able to resist. And when he had first tasted her… By the gods, in all his life, he hadn't gotten as much pleasure with any female as he had in just that one kiss with Kagome.

But no, that wasn't right.

Because when he had finally made love to her, that was the most pleasurable thing he had ever felt. He had felt so alive. Even his beast wanted her, and being that they were of two different species, that was saying a lot. It had started with her accidentally ingesting his blood, therefore taking in some of his youki. It had had a pronounced effect on both of them, and to this day, he had no idea what that effect was. And she had been the perfect lover, allowing him to dominate her, but not afraid of taking her own pleasure. And she had been oh so interested in pleasing him. She was, undoubtedly, the best lover he had had. There was no other that could compete. He could not even think of touching another woman without being disgusted and comparing her to Kagome. And so Sesshoumaru stayed faithful to the girl who married his brother.

Then there came a day - shortly after Kagome was born and he forced himself to stay away from her - when Sesshoumaru realized that in all these days since that fateful day, that he had no idea if Kagome would forgive him. She probably would have no idea he would be alive and here. Would she ever get over the wrongs he caused her? Did he want her to? Surely, he didn't deserve that. From the stories she had shared with him, he knew she had a great heart, capable of forgiving many. But after what he did?

Well, at least he hadn't been seeing someone else. And according to her, she had forgiven Inuyasha many times after proving again and again that he still cared for the undead priestess. He even remembered much of it himself - when he found Naraku shortly after the hanyou had killed the walking grave. Inuyasha had been furious, accusing him of not doing anything. He had been curious, at the time, why Inuyasha would want a body of clay that sustained itself with the souls of others when he had a living, breathing, beautiful miko at his side. But Inuyasha was rash and young. He hadn't cared about it at the time. Now, he knew the honor that was at stake on his brother's behalf, although he wouldn't have blamed Inuyasha if the boy had simply let things be - it wasn't his fault that they had been tricked. But he had also seen Kagome's pain when she spoke of it. He remembered feeling jealous that she still felt bad about it, but then she had explained that it wasn't quite about the fact that he cared about Kikyou; she could live with that, and she had, in fact, chosen to. It was the fact that he wouldn't choose between the two. He had kept her hanging, dragging her along by a string, while he had traipsed around looking for Kikyou. That was more dishonorable - in Sesshoumaru's opinion - than leaving an undead priestess to fend for herself. She belonged with the dead anyway.

Through all of it though, she had forgave him time and time again. But this was different. There had been no promises between Kagome and Inuyasha. They had cared for one another, and she stayed by his side, but before he had ruined everything, she had had no interest in the hanyou as a lover. She had turned to him. And at the time, he had wanted no one else but her. Then he banished her - said awful things to her - and she turned to Inuyasha. But he had seen it in her eyes; she didn't love him. Not like that. He wasn't sure why Kagome had decided to marry his brother, but it wasn't for love.

Sometime after his `discussion' with Kagome's parents, he wondered what she would have done if he had realized in time; if he had caught her in the middle of the wedding and renounced his hateful words, would she have taken him back? He wasn't sure. Even Kagome could take so much.

Guilt was a new feeling for him. It's possible that the very first time he had ever felt guilty was during his time with Kagome. Especially when he had stormed off when she had corrected him about their relationship. Of course she would tell him the truth. She wouldn't be Kagome if she didn't. Now, though, he truly knew what the emotion meant. It was a deep, dark feeling that settled in the pit of his stomach and weighed him down, as if he were trudging through mud. He knew, instinctually, that if the occasion called for it, he would still be as fast as he was when he was younger - perhaps even faster, since his strengths were based on his youki, not his muscles. But that didn't mean that he felt fast. On the contrary, he felt sluggish. Of course it didn't help that he knew the reason behind it. He felt guilty.

It's not like he didn't deserve it. Oh, he knew exactly how much he deserved to feel like this. Unfortunately, whenever he thought about confessing his guilt to Kagome, he imagined her laughing and saying, `You? Guilty? Do you even know what that is? And I hardly believe “guilt” is the word for it.' She would probably cross her arms while saying it and tip her nose up like a haughty cat that was attempting to ignore someone. It was disconcerting how he had these imaginary conversations with people that were far removed from him. Kagome was still far out of reach. And his father would show up now and then to rub salt in his wounds. `You see?' his father would say. `Had you listened to me, you wouldn't be in this predicament.' It still annoyed him how the conjuration of his father's voice was so snarky. He almost reminded Sesshoumaru of… Kagome. Well, that was disturbing.

He knew he had to do something to make it up to her. This was easier said than done, since he had no idea how to approach her. And there was that promise to her mother that decreed he would not approach Kagome unless she was unhappy and needed him. Of course, he could sense that she was unhappy and needed him now, but Katsuo's wife was proving to be as protective towards Kagome as he or Inuyasha was. She had made it clear he was not to interfere with Inuyasha and Kagome's relationship, and he had stupidly promised. He promised himself to never make any more promises.

In the past, when he had first told Kagome's parents about the whole debacle that was to come, he worried. What if, by telling them, he had altered something? He knew that Kagome was careful of not changing the future when she had travelled the land looking for jewel shards and Naraku. But… did that include him? She said nothing of his existence in her future, but she told him so much about it - even let him read books from her time - so did that mean that he wasn't going to live to see her again? It was unthinkable that he should die. It was unbearable to think he would never see her again. But perhaps he had just kept his promise and not had contact with her directly. Well, that would explain things. But it was disconcerting that he had no idea what was going to happen after she came through the well for the last time, after it would close up forever.

He also had no idea the role he would play in Kagome's life, although she knew nothing of it. It started when he saved Katsuo and his father - Kagome's grandfather - from potential death by a crazed man. Apparently, fate had other plans for Katsuo.

~~~~~%~~@

Tetsu came to visit.

He was such a brilliant light, a shining star. Full of energy. Because she was able to rid him of the disease that had been killing him for several years. Kagome smiled so much her face was sore by the end of the day.

It was a Saturday - he proudly announced that he hadn't been able to visit earlier because he had been going to school. School! She beamed, and even Inuyasha seemed more proud of Kagome than usual. He asked where the members of her family were as she made lunch, and Kagome explained that they had moved away. He was sad that Souta wasn't there to play with, and stuck his tongue out at Inuyasha when he offered to play - Inuyasha was too old, he had explained, to Kagome's humor.

Inuyasha looked for the signs that she was going to break down with the mention of her family, but she had been surprisingly upbeat lately. And now she smiled as she had to relive the moment. He was surprised, to say the least. He supposed it had to do with that stupid yoga stuff she was doing. Well, if it helped that much, he wasn't going to complain. She had been distant lately, though. Perfectly friendly and cheery, especially with the shrine visitors. But he couldn't shake the feeling that she had been avoiding him as much as possible. She still smiled, spoke, cooked, cleaned, and performed whatever duties she was required for the visitors. And they still had sex. It was always mind-blowingly great sex. But he felt like as time went by, she was less connected. Her little sounds that used to drive him wild fell silent. And she didn't initiate sex anymore. And if that wasn't bad enough, she no longer dominated. Not in the sense that she would put on high heels and whip him - although that wasn't a bad idea - but she just went along with whatever he wanted; she was a rag doll. She used to tease him and switch positions, taking her pleasure. She kissed him without abandon, and before her family had left, she would pull him to the side for a great make-out session. Now, there was no family here to find them, no one to be scandalized on the off-chance that they would come upon the two of them in the shadows. But that had all faded over time.

Inuyasha began to wonder if he had made the right decision. Would things have been better - despite what he had thought - if he had not wished on the jewel and closed the well?

~~~~~%~~@

Once they were done eating and they had caught up, Tetsu became very serious. Kagome asked what was wrong, and he hesitated.

“Oi! Don't tell me you came here just so we could drag information out of you,” Inuyasha groused.

“Inuyasha,” Kagome scolded, “he's not one of Naraku's minions. He's a kid. Leave him alone.”

He gave her a `keh' before crossing his arms and leaning against the refrigerator.

“Now, Tetsu. Was there another reason for your visit?” she asked, her big blue eyes shining.

The boy looked away. But purpose is stronger than shyness, so he finally mumbled an explanation to her. Inuyasha, with his lessened hearing, had to lean in to catch the words.

“There's a girl I know in the hospital where I was. She…”

Well, he had told himself he was going to be strong for Megumi. But apparently, he still had some growing up to do. It started with just a tear, then he choked back a sob. When Kagome came towards him with a worried look on her face and said, “Oh, Tetsu…” he lost it. He began to cry, and she held him, rocking gently like she used to do with Shippou. Inuyasha huffed with impatience, but Kagome flattened him with a glare. Two minutes later, it seemed he was calm enough to speak. Kagome thought it would be best if she spoke first.

“There, that's better,” she told him, wiping whatever tears were left away with her haori sleeve. “Okay, let me get this straight. The hospital where you were staying… there's a girl you left behind there. A friend?”

He blushed, and Kagome had her answer. She gave him a sly smile and a noogie.

“Tetsu! You little heartbreaker!” She laughed to lighten the mood, and it worked. The boy was smiling now. “Okay, so your girlfriend-” she grinned when he leveled her with a glare, “- is still there. And I'm assuming she's sick?”

All traces of playfulness evaporated. He became silent and stared at his hands, which were placed on the table in front of him.

“She's dying,” he said quietly. Kagome didn't know what to say, so she remained silent, hoping he would say something else. “Not like me. I mean, she has this thing… She needs new intestines. She's on the list for it, but the list is long. The doctors don't think she's going to live to get it unless some of the others ahead of her die first.”

Kagome hadn't noticed the tears that had fallen, but Inuyasha did.

“Kid, did'ja come here just to make her upset? We don't even know if Kagome can do something like that. Do you know what this stuff does to her?” His voice rose with his anger, and he hadn't realized he was moving towards the boy until Kagome stuck out an arm to block his way.

“Kagome, I'm sorry!” the boy pleaded, “I just don't know what to do. She's not gonna make it. I wouldn't ask you if I didn't think… Didn't you ever really wanna save someone before?”

Instantly, her mind flashed to Sesshoumaru. She remembered crying over him, so upset that she had hurt him that she used every bit of energy she had healing him. She knew what it was like, to fear for the life of another. And although she hadn't been in love with him at the time, the memory seemed to be more painful than ever. Because she had loved him.

She nodded, placing a hand over Tetsu's. “I know exactly how you feel. I just…”

He thought she was refusing him, and he looked away and started to stand with every intention of leaving.

“I just have no idea how to go about this.”

He froze in his tracks.

“I mean, if her health is that poor, she can't leave the hospital, right?”

Tetsu turned to find Kagome with her chin in her hand, her brow creased as she thought.

“And I can't let anyone see. I mean, if it got out…”

“Total pandemonium,” the boy said, nodding.

“This is fucking ridiculous, and I won't let you do it,” Inuyasha gruffed, his arms still crossed and his back still leaning against the refrigerator.

Kagome gasped. “Inuyasha! You're so rude! Don't use such bad language in front of Tetsu!”

“Kagome,” he said, unwavering, “you're not doing this. I feel bad for the kid and his little girlfriend, but I won't let you risk everything to heal her.”

Tetsu's head moved back and forth as he watched the adults fight. He had a feeling Inuyasha would be a problem - never liked the jerk - but this looked bad. If he had the power to stop her, Megumi would die.

Kagome glared at her husband of seven months. “Inuyasha, you can't stop me. And if you try, let me just say this. You will wish you still had your Kotodama…”

The boy looked at the two strangely. What was she talking about? How would a subjugation necklace work on a human? Shrugging, he was at least less worried, now that Kagome had decided. But Inuyasha would most likely still put up a fight, even though he looked pretty much put in place right now. Tetsu looked to her, and she had a determined smile on her face.

“Right,” she said, clapping her hands together. “Let's figure something out.”

~~~~~%~~@

It took a few phone calls back and forth, but eventually, they figured out that the best way to approach this was without Tetsu's direct involvement. Inuyasha and Kagome would come in to the hospital separate from him, and he would distract the nurses - that was his idea, since he claimed they were still obsessed with him over the miraculous transformation he had gone through.

A week after he had shown up, Kagome was standing outside of the hospital looking up at the building. She glanced in Inuyasha's direction. He was scowling, of course. He had been for the past week.

“Inuyasha, you don't have to come in if you don't want to,” she said. She felt like she was walking on eggshells. Worse than eggshells. Bubbles.

In typical Inuyasha fashion, he crossed his arms, not looking at her. “Keh,” he said. “You get in too much trouble without me around.”

Well, she couldn't deny that, although there wasn't much trouble to get in to in this Era.

“Okay,” she said, nodding. “But please try to be nice. There are a lot of people in there that are in pain.”

She didn't want to clue him in. The truth was that as her powers were evolving into her new life as a healer instead of a fighter, new things began to happen. She had always been sensitive to the plight of others - the gods knew that she was unable to deny help to those that needed it - but the more people she helped, it grew stronger. Whenever she was near someone who needed her, who was unhealthy and only she could help, she could feel their pain.

It wasn't something that she could help. She first noticed it when she was walking to local convenience store and passed a haggard-looking man dragging a young boy behind him. As they crossed paths - each travelling in the opposite direction - Kagome felt her stomach turn within itself. They brushed each other - her fingers skimmed his sleeve - and it intensified, leaving her breathless. She had to lean against the wood of the nearest building to compose herself. She felt conflicted: should she go speak to him? But she had a hard enough time comprehending it. What did this mean? Had she imagined it all? Was it just a coincidence that her stomach plunged just as she passed that sickly-looking man?

She got her answer a few days later, when she happened to pass an elderly woman. She was on her way to the bank - this time Inuyasha was with her, and when she gripped her chest in agony as they walked past the slower woman, he steadied her.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice and eyes the epitome of concern.

The old woman walked on, and as she moved further away, Kagome's heart resumed its' normal rhythm. “Um… Yeah. I think. I just…” She couldn't tell him. He would never allow her to leave the shrine again. Hell, he wouldn't let her have contact with anyone anymore.

He tried to wait for her answer patiently, but he was worried. “Well? What?” He seemed angry, but Kagome knew how he got when he was worried about her; it was how he showed he cared - with harsh words and scowls.

“E he he…” she laughed uncomfortably. She hated lying, especially to him. “It's nothing, Inuyasha. I just had a cramp or something. I'm fine, really.”

She smiled winningly, and he seemed to accept it.

Now, as she stared up at the building - all the pain from the people inside crushing her with their individual torment. Luckily, she had some time to get used to it - Kayo and Tetsu included - and all the meditating she did helped her control it; she used it to center her healing on whatever it was that ailed the person. Would it get worse once she healed Megumi, the girl who Tetsu asked her to heal? There was only one way to find out, and this time, she would not worry about what she could lose by acting.

Bravely, she took the first step, trying to remember the mask of indifference Sesshoumaru wore when he wanted no one to know what he was thinking. But she couldn't recall that Sesshoumaru; she only remembered his gentle smiles, his touch, and his dark voice. Funny how she would think of him so suddenly. Here, now, when she needed support.

At the reception desk, she signed in to visit Megumi, giving the information Tetsu had handed her. She was directed to the Children's Ward, and here, Kagome knew that even without this new little side-effect of empathy she would still feel like her heart was breaking. Inside, she found dozens of sick children playing. But it didn't seem like a playground. Instead, it felt like a funeral. The children tried to hope, but many of them had been given grim futures, and some were on their last legs, Megumi included.

The girl was easy to find, given Tetsu's description. She had long, wavy black hair like her own, but she had dark eyes - they were almost black. She lay in her bed, smiling as she watched the other children who were not bed-ridden play with whatever toys the hospital had provided them with. But her smile was sad, like she wished to join them; Kagome was more resolved than ever to help.

The problem lay in the fact that she now wanted to help them all, even though she knew it was impossible. Oh, she was indeed stronger now, but she wouldn't be able to heal two children without killing herself - she knew it, and didn't need to be reminded by Inuyasha, who looked at her with an expression that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. Perhaps she could come back tomorrow?

As planned, Tetsu came to the floor, and the nurses rushed to meet him. One of the children, who had been at the desk asking for juice, relayed the information to them and they came into the hall to see him; he had given them hope - if he could get better so quickly and easily, why couldn't they?

After the room was clear except for the few children that were instructed to stay in bed, Kagome went to Megumi's side. She looked up at the older woman with wide eyes, understanding.

“Wow. You're so pretty,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

It was a culmination of things - her emotional state, all the suffering around her, and the young girl's words - but a single tear escaped and Megumi smiled at her - that same sad smile.

“Don't worry,” she gasped. “I'll be okay, even if it doesn't work.”

Kagome was speechless. This girl seemed like she had already accepted death - it was probably all she was told, day in and day out. Kagome knew how doctors tried to be optimistic when their patient was in a situation like this, but sometimes, when there truly was no more to hope for, they began to prepare you for the worst. Apparently, Megumi had been prepared.

With a confident, resolved look in her eyes, Kagome put a hand on the girl's fragile shoulder. “Megumi, everything is going to be okay.”

Unfortunately, the contact with the girl made Kagome ache all over, and the pain showed on her face. The young girl mistook it for a lie and patted the miko's hand that still laid on her shoulder.

She said the same thing she said to all the doctors that said those same words to her. “I have faith in you.”

Kagome could see the doubt, but obviously only actions would prove it, not words. How she didn't believe after seeing Tetsu's transformation, she didn't know. So Kagome started by meditating for a minute. She closed her eyes and found the center of the girl's pain, felt through her hand. Then she focused her power on that pain and released. The girl gasped, feeling warm and strange. But she held still, and Kagome was done in a few seconds.

She opened her eyes to see Megumi looking at her with a mixture of wonder and confusion in her eyes. But Kagome felt no more pain in the girl, and that was worth the now suffocating feeling that bombarded her from all the other patients near her. And for the first time in months, Kagome blacked out, although for the first time, it was welcome.

~~~~~%~~@

Thoroughly roused from his meeting at one of his companies, he felt a surge of power from Kagome. He had felt her now and then, but she had been getting stronger; whenever he felt her healing powers, she seemed healthy afterwards. This time, however, he felt her life force flicker until it was almost extinguished. He excused himself, but some of the haughty humans that worked for him were upset.

“You can't just leave now. We were just about to discuss the importance of overseas marketing…”

Sesshoumaru turned to pin a glare on the man who dared to stop him. He would have growled and shown his teeth, but that wasn't possible. He would have to kill the humans afterwards, and that would get messy. Not just for his suit, either, but these humans and their silly sense of justice would call their `police', and then there would really be trouble. He wasn't worried for himself, but he would have to take many human lives, and he was sure that Kagome would not approve, especially if she had turned into a healer.

Once he left the office, he opted to go on foot. Tokyo's traffic was infamous, and during this time of day, it would be easier to just run there. Keeping his speed in check, he rushed to where he still felt a dim light coming from Kagome's soul.

He had never been scared in his life. Not when he was a baby. Not when his mother left. Not when his father had died. Not when he had to survive on his own. But today, feeling Kagome's life as such a weak pulse of energy and coming from within a hospital… well, he may not ever tell a soul, but he was frightened beyond belief.

Once inside, he flashed a card that allowed him to get a pass, but he had no intention of meeting with the director of medicine. Instead, he made his way towards Kagome's aura. It wasn't hard to follow; his youki was drawn to it, as if seeking out its' other half.

Needless to say, he was surprised when he passed a group of sick children. Was he on the childrens' floor? He followed the pull of his beast to a room and peeked inside. He found a young girl - he knew she was not sick from her scent - that reminded him of Kagome laying in a hospital bed. She had long, wavy, black hair and a fine bone structure. She was holding Kagome's hand. The miko lay unconscious next to her in the same bed. Inuyasha, his back towards him, was bent over the two of them, his head bent in grief.

He was curious. The girl wasn't sick, and Kagome was in a deep sleep. His brother looked like he was ready to mourn Kagome's passing. What had occurred here? He knew Kagome was healing `sick' people - as told by her mother - but these children were beyond miko powers. They were all holding on by mere threads. Was it possible that she had become so powerful she could heal those that had incurable diseases? Either way, she seemed fine now. As it was, it felt like she was waking up, her aura brightening slowly.

With a smirk, he turned to leave. Well, if anyone found out, she would put me out of business, he thought.

“Takahashi-san,” a nurse bowed, “I'm sorry, but this is the wrong floor for the director. Would you like me to show you the way?”

Well, he got himself into it; he might as well follow it through. Nodding, he watched her smile in a flirtatious manner before walking away. He scowled, imaging that she was swaying her hips a little much for walking at this pace. But his company had good ties with this hospital and he did not want to be found out, and before he knew it, they were in an elevator, going up to the twelfth floor.

~~~~~%~~@

She was slowly waking up, although she had no idea how long she had been out. But it wasn't like coming out of a deep sleep, which was how she normally felt. This time, she felt like she was being pulled out of her state. It was as if a hand had reached into the black of her mind and was pulling… Her vision blurred slightly, but she knew when she woke up that someone else was there with her. She distantly could hear Inuyasha calling to her, asking if she was okay, but that wasn't what had grabbed her attention.

She tried to focus, closing her eyes and meditating. She felt the source, a familiar hum of an aura. She opened her eyes and looked to the door, but saw nothing - but a flash of something moving caught her eye and she only had time to see a wisp of long, silver hair pulling away from the door frame. It took a second before the thought that - possibly, maybe, oh please oh please oh please - Sesshoumaru could be in this time. She really hadn't given it thought, but now, that familiar aura - definitely youkai - and the hair… could it be anyone else?

Inuyasha was still trying to get a response out of her. He had resorted to shaking her now, his hands roughly around the tops of her arms. When the realization hit her, she broke from his grasp, jumped out of the bed, and ran towards the door, stumbling from her weakness. But the closed to the door she was, the closer he felt. Unfortunately, Kagome, who was famous for tripping over roots, brambles, or her own two feet - whatever she could find, really - did just that. And Inuyasha, with his slow human reflexes, couldn't catch her before she twisted her ankle.

A bright lance of pain shot though her leg, but she had been hurt too many times to cry out. She just sat on the floor. When Inuyasha reached her, he asked what was wrong, to which she replied, “Nothing, Inuyasha. I just thought… I thought I saw someone I knew.

He snorted. “Keh, who else would you know here?”

She looked up at him and smiled. It was such a sad smile that Inuyasha's indifferent expression turned anxious. “No one, I guess,” she answered.

-------------------------END CHAPTER---------------------------

E/N: I know this seems like a filler chapter, but the point of this story is to show how the characters evolve, not how they fall in love. So I'm sorry if any of you found this boring, but this chapter was a testament of how Kagome overcame her emotions, and how Sesshoumaru found his. But I get it - trust me, I'm impatient for Sesshoumaru's return as well. So things will pick up starting in the next chapter. So please, no more throwing things at me. *runs for cover* And I know you all get it - Kagome is recovering, and Sesshoumaru is repenting. It's very repetitive, I know. But so is your mind. Have you ever had a fight with someone you cared about and kept thinking and thinking about it, even though you thought pretty much the same thing? Now imagine going years (a few for her, many for him) without seeing that person. Anger breeds hatred, and sorrow breeds grief. That's all I'm trying to convey.