Three Came Home: stand alone

We're home now, finally home.  All of us, on our island, together again.  The three of us.  The first night back is surreal.  All laughs and stories and a sense of unreality.  But nighttime comes and the lateness gets us all.  The three of us; me, Sora and Riku, we're so afraid of being apart, now that we're back together.  So as sleep pulls at us, we lay on the sand under the moonlight.  Sora is in the middle and he's holding my hand.  My other hand is above my head and I feel Riku take it.  I look through sleepy lids and see that Riku has Sora's other hand too.

 

Riku sees me looking and gives me a small, strange smile.  The smile speaks of secret wants and denied feelings.  I don't know how to answer so I lay my head back down and close my eyes.  Sleep quickly claims us all, now that we're together again and sure the others won't vanish into the darkness.

 

The next few days return us to more normalcies.  There are moments where we seem to forget all that's happened in the last year.  But then I'll hear Sora's deeper voice or catch my reflection in the water.  We've all changed, all grown and there's something bitter sweet about it.

 

Before we know it, things are all too normal.  The fact that we wielded key blades to save the world feels like a hazy dream.  None of us are forgetting, but it's mentioned less and less and we're getting more and more distracted by being around each other again. 

 

Sora found that I'd added something to his carving.  He looked so surprised.  That night, before we headed off to dinner, he stood in front of me for what felt like forever, and then put the briefest of kisses on my lips.  He then turned red and ran off.  I stood for a moment, then smiled.  I looked up and saw Riku standing near by.  His face held surprise.  He noticed me looking and offered me a smile, there was sadness in that smile too.  He starts to walk away but I run to him and grab his arm.  I don't want him to be sad.  We've always been together, the three of us; does Sora and I together mean the three of us are through?

 

Riku won't look at me and I pull on his arm.  I don't want him to go away again, to hide in the woods like I know he's been doing lately.  He doesn't need to be in the darkness, he doesn't need to be alone.

 

He turns and his smile is back.  There's less sadness in it but his eyes still hold something I don't understand.  He reaches with his free hand and touches my cheek.  His touch is hesitant and I can feel him holding back.

 

I try to speak but nothing comes out.  I want to tell him he doesn't have to go away but I can't quite figure out how.

 

Riku seems to understand anyway.  His smile deepens and the sadness is gone.  "Don't worry, I won't disappear again,"  he whispers.  Before I can say anything I hear someone call my name, I look away and when I look back Riku is walking away, but at least it's towards the village and not the dark of the woods.

 

The next few days are wrought with awkward moments and unsure feelings.  Sora seems to want to repeat his earlier act of bravery and kiss me again.  I really want him to but neither of us is making a move and we keep glancing at Riku.  The feeling of excluding him, even in this has a taste of something wrong.  The three of us have always done everything together, how do we do this now?

 

Then one night, it gets figured out, or at least dealt with on a few levels.  It's late and Sora and I are sitting on a tree limb.  The moon is full again and the stars look close enough to touch.  We lean in at the same moment and our lips touch.  It's still pretty brief but longer than the first one.  He puts a hand on my knee and then kisses me again.  It's a real kiss, more than just a friend kiss and my heart is beating so fast.

 

After a moment, we stop and are just looking at each other.  We're both smiling and for a moment, we're not feeling guilty that it's just the two of us.  Then we notice that Riku is standing right beside us.  Sora and I jump down from the tree and look at him, then we both look away.  Sora's got a hand behind his head and is looking at the ocean.  My feet are suddenly very interesting.

 

Riku laughs quietly, "It's all right, I understand."  His voice is quiet, I look up, expecting to see the sadness in his eyes but it's gone.  There's something else there, like he's made a decision about something.

 

Sora looks at me then at Riku, "Riku?"

 

Riku's smile gets bigger and he takes a step towards us, we're all very close.  He's looking at Sora and I can't read what he's thinking.  All of a sudden, Riku grabs Sora by the shoulders and pulls him forward.  Before anyone can blink, Riku's lips are on Sora's in a kiss that speaks volumes.  Sora's eyes go wide, but then he relaxes and I can tell he's enjoying the kiss.  His eyes close slightly as Riku pulls back.

 

I don't know how to feel.  There's something inside me that tries to tell me to be angry, but I'm not.  Something feels very right about it, like it's okay because we're really all together now.

 

Riku turns to me and I find myself smiling.  He knows that I understand.  Riku glances at Sora, who looks at me, then nods.  And just as quickly as he did with Sora, Riku's kissing me.  It's a just as deep and passionate as how he kissed Sora.  No more, no less and I feel this sense of completion.  The kiss lasts only as long as his kiss to Sora and I find myself faltering forward at the loss of his lips.  Both the boys put a hand up to steady me.

 

We're all standing so close, arms and hands touching with the sound of the ocean quiet versus the thundering of our hearts in our ears.  It's like our hearts are all beating together and there's a feeling of stability.

 

We lean forward and are foreheads are touching and for some reason, we're all trying to catch our breaths.

 

There's the want to ask if this is okay, to try and figure out how this is going to work but no one is talking, it's like we've all forgotten how.  Or maybe, even though we want to, we know we don't need to.  At least for now.

 

So we stand there, hands touching arms and heads close together, catching our breaths.  The feeling of unreality is back in the sense that time has stopped.  What tomorrow will bring for us, we don't know, but the three of us are together, all together and it feels nice and oh so right.