------------- Original Message -----------

“I think the biggest problem I have is lack of detail. I can see things in my head, but other than the general surroundings, I'm always too intent on what my characters are thinking, or doing, or about to do to remember to add the details necessary to paint a really clear picture of where they are and their environment.” -- Wanna Rite Reel Gud

 

The way to deal with that is by writing what you can. When you’re done, go back and put in all the rest. Also, in situations like this, a beta-reader is your best bet at seeing where you skipped something.

 

As for What to describe and How Much to describe…

 

 

Getting the IMAGE on Paper

 

Avoid Simple Nouns:

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Use a Specific Noun rather than a simple and vague noun to automatically pop in description.

 

Instead of: the door, the car, the tree, the house, the sword, the robe, the hat...  

Write instead: the French doors, the Subaru, the oak, the Victorian cottage, the claymore, the yukata, the fedora...

 

Adjectives are your Friend!

 

Adjectives give your objects and locations emotional flavor and impact. The trick is not to over-do it! Moderation - moderation - moderation.

 

One adjective per Noun:

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ADD an Adjective to a specific Noun. The ornate French tapestry, the rusty Subaru, the quaint Victorian cottage, the gleaming claymore, the blood-stained yukata, the gray fedora.

 

Two adjectives per Sensation:

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Sight, Sound, Taste, Texture, Scent - are all perceived through the senses. The glaringly red French doors, the seductively throbbing jazz, the creamy bite of yogurt, the nubby white dishcloth, the pungent musk of wet dog.

 

 

------------- Original Message -----------

"...I think that particularly striking or important items deserve a few sentences to sketch them in and give the appropriate details. Still, for many scenes, most readers have enough 'stock imagery' in their memories to supply a working interpretation. They will garb members of a corporate meeting in dark suits, give soldiers rifles or spears depending on the era and place, and so on." -- Literature Aficionado

 

Absolutely! Using a direct noun with only one or two adjectives can create an entire image.

 

Members of a corporate meeting:

 - His shimmering black Armani suit

 - Her expensively tailored scarlet Kaspar suit

 

Soldiers

 - The red-coated British soldier

 - The Roman centurion

 - The woad-painted Celtic warrior

 - The Viking

 

Buildings

- The gleaming steel and glass skyscraper

- The run-down Victorian mansion

- The towering Chinese pagoda

- the rustic Japanese sukiya cottage

The Not-So Dreaded -ly and –ing Words:

 

Every once in a while you will hear someone whine that you shouldn't use words that end in –ly or -ing. The "No -ly or –ing words!" whiners are usually the same people that say: "Don't use Adjectives!"

 

The "No -ly or –ing Words" rule DOES NOT APPLY to Fiction!

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This rule comes from Basic School Grammar - grammar that was intended for NON-Fiction, such as reports, essays, and other boring, description-less, education-related, or business-related writing that doesn’t require description. Fiction THRIVES on description.

 

Think people, how the heck are you supposed to describe something without adjectives? You CAN'T.

 

Still Feeling Guilty?

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If you can find another word that says the same thing without ending in -ly, use it. If you can't, then use what you have. 

 

 

Making the Reader FEEL the Passion -- Make the prose PURPLE!

 

Sensually-Descriptive words are the key to Passionate and Romantic fiction. If it implies a Sense, sound, taste, sight, texture, scent…, you're halfway there!

 

So, where do you get those passionate words? From Trained Professionals: Other Writers. I pulled out my favorite trashy novels and hunted down phrases that really caught my attention and then I made a list of all the PRETTY words.

 

salacious humor

carnal gratification

languorous bliss

shrieking culmination

disconcerting stimulation

brutal carnal rapture

exquisite torment

lustful cravings

irresolute yearning

skittish laughter

 

(It’s Not plagiarism unless you are copying whole paragraphs word for word.)

 

I also dug through my thesaurus and made another list of all the adjectives I use over and over and over...

Assault

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attack, advancing, aggressive, assailing, charging, incursion, inundated, invasion, offensive, onset, onslaught, overwhelmed, ruinous, tempestuous, strike, violation,

Beautiful

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admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, bewitching, charming, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, exquisite, fascinating, gorgeous, graceful, grand, magnificent, marvelous, pleasing, radiant, ravishing, resplendent, splendid, stunning, sublime,

Dangerous

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alarming, critical, fatal, formidable, impending, malignant, menacing, mortal, nasty, perilous, precarious, pressing, serious, terrible, threatening, treacherous, urgent, vulnerable, wicked,

Painful

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aching, agonizing, arduous, awful, biting, burning, caustic, dire, distressing, dreadful, excruciating, extreme, grievous, inflamed, piercing, raw, sensitive, severe, sharp, tender, terrible, throbbing, tormenting,

 

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Looking for a Quick List for commonly used words in Erotica?

·      The Erotic Thesaurus

http://www.darkerotica.net/EroticThesaurus.html

 

Looking for a Quick List to describe Emotions and Body Language?

·      The Non-Verbal Thesaurus

 http://darkerotica.blogspot.com/2006/02/non-verbal-thesaurus.html

 

 

------------- Original Message -----------

"I'm surprised the purple prose avocation didn't have people up in arms. That's normally frowned upon here, but I think there's a difference between bad/overly done purple prose and vivid description." -- Fan-fiction Writer

I think the main problem with purple prose is when it goes on to the point of being ridiculous. Purple prose is a lot like candy. Too much and it will make you sick to your stomach. Used in tiny amounts, a word here or there, can add emotional punch to an otherwise clinically dry scene.

 

 

How & When to Describe It:

 

Rule of Thumb #1:

-- The moment the Viewpoint Character notices it -- DESCRIBE IT!

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Picture the scene in your head like a movie. If it shows up in your scene - it belongs on the page.

 

Rule of Thumb #2:

-- Description should always reflect the OPINION of the Viewpoint Character.

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Oscar the Grouch is not going to see - or describe - a field of roses the same way as Big Bird. Darth Vader's opinion (and description,) of Yoda is not going to resemble Luke Skywalker's. The Heroine is NOT going to describe the Villain the same way she would her Hero.

 

Rule of Thumb #3

- Limit your detailed descriptions to stuff that MATTERS.

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How do you tell what's relevant & what's not? How IMPORTANT is it to the story? Will this object/setting/character matter later?

 

·        If it's Important, then describe it in loving detail.

·        If it's only incidental, than only the tiniest sketch is needed.

 

Note: Fantasy Characters should get the opportunity to show off the full extent of their powers at least once because those powers are Relevant to who that character is.

 

Rule of Thumb #4

- Moderation! Moderation! Moderation!

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Once you have described a setting or a person thoroughly, you don’t need to Keep Describing them -- unless they change. A small clue here and there, such as keeping to specific nouns, will do.

 

WHAT to Describe:

Scenery

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Every new scene should open with a snapshot of description that details the stage the action is about to happen in.

No more than 60 words max. If you need more than that to describe your setting - splice it into your Action.

Location Changes

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Every time the scenery changes: every new room, every new view, every new place they arrive at - gets described; so the reader can see it, and experience it too.

Locations get 30 words max, because that's about how much the average person can catch in a single look. The rest of the details should be mixed in between the actions and dialogue as the character gets a better look around.

Note: Fantasy and Sci-Fi Require MORE description.

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In most sci-fi's and fantasies, the otherworldly SETTING is just as important as the characters because the differences between Fantasy & Reality actually affect the plot -- such as things that are possible in a Fantasy setting, but aren't in the normal world, and vice versa.

If your story is based in the normal world, and only the characters are fantastic, then the setting only matters in their immediate location and how it affects them directly. For example, rain has more of an immediate effect on characters than would sunshine - unless they're a vampire.

The snapshot at the beginning of every scene is still the same length (60 words) - but you have to continue to add more description as the characters move through the world.

 

 

------------- Original Message -----------

"It's also a good idea to visit a place that is similar to the scene of the happenings; if you can of course. You can't well describe something you don't have an idea of." -- Word Scholar

Nothing can replace first-hand experience for describing something, but one should never underestimate the power of the Internet.

 

Just about any place in the world is available for your viewing pleasure from photographs and interactive panoramas to maps and floor plans. Journal blogs written by travelers can also be a really good resource for those writing about places they have never experienced.

No one resource will ever cover it all, but then that's what browsers such as Google.com are for.

People

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Think of how you see characters in a movie. THAT'S how you describe the people your character sees. Start at the top and describe down. Bottom to Top description implies that the Body is more important than the Mind. It implies that the person being viewed is an OBJECT, their feelings are of no consequence to the viewer.

People get three whole sentences max. If you need more than three sentences, thread the rest in with the dialogue.

 

------------- Original Message -----------

"While it may be convenient and easy to describe someone from head to toe every time, it gets dull after the second or third such 'shot'..." -- Literature Aficionado

No argument there. However, it's a good idea to describe the characters and their settings at least ONCE, preferably when the POV character first lays eyes on them. After that, only tiny reminders are needed.

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Describing the Viewpoint Character - Yes or No?

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YES! YES! YES! I don’t know about you, but when I’m reading a story, I wanna know whose head I'm in -- as soon as I'm in that head! And I want to know what that person LOOKS LIKE! (Damn it...)

NEVER assume that the person reading your story is familiar with the fandom! For example, I would have never bought and read the ‘Yu Yu Hakusho’ manga series if I hadn’t read some rather compelling fan-fiction.

 

------------- Original Message -----------

"...I'd like to emphasize that you wrote "viewpoint character" since that's different than when the thing or person is first introduced." -- Fan-fiction Writer

Actually it SHOULDN'T be. The only one who should be noticing anything and have an opinion on what is being viewed should be the viewpoint character - unless you are using an omniscient POV, the Camera's Eye viewpoint. When using the Camera's Eye viewpoint, those descriptions should be very cut and dried with no emotional impact at all, strictly, "this is here, they are there".

The "story-teller/ fairy-tale" style of writing is completely different. In this style the story-teller is a character too, such as in the Lemony Snicket books.

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Describing the Viewpoint Character is Tricky - Literally.

You have to use tricks to do it.

The simplest way to describe the POV character is by having them see their reflection, (which, is also why it’s the most commonly ABUSED technique.) The other way is by having the character ‘notice’ themselves, one little action at a time. This works best when the character is highly opinionated about their appearance.

 

The trick I prefer to use is threading the Description into the character's Actions. Using their Actions brings other parts of the character into focus, rather than describe the character in one lump paragraph.

 

EXAMPLE: from DIABOLIC

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Vincent picked up his leather glove. He slid his left hand into the fine leather and smoothed the sleeve up his forearm. He flexed his fingers. It was nice having full use of his hand again. He dragged on the black y-back muscle shirt. It was one of the few shirts that would allow for his wings. He pulled on some black jockeys, then stepped into his butter soft black leather pants. He zipped the fly but left it unbuttoned at the waist. Blood and hell it felt good to be back in clothes.

He smeared the steam from the mirror on the back of the facility door. Carefully, he wound the scarlet cloth around his head to cover his brow, not bothering to move his long black hair out of the way. The cloth was to keep from accidentally frightening anyone when he invoked his beast and his third eye became visible. Oddly, because of the way his third eye perceived the world, as energy rather than matter, the eye had no problems seeing right through the cloth.

He stared at his reflection; black hair, scarlet bandana, scarlet eyes, black clothes…his usual appearance. No visible changes. It was as though nothing had happened.

Quiet wafted through him, easing the tension in his limbs, soothing his mind, calming his heart - except for one small corner of his heart that ached. He turned his back on the mirror. It would go away, eventually.

He set the towel around his neck, his hair wasn't completely dry, and opened the facility door.

Cloud was sitting on the edge of Vincent's bed facing the facility door. Early morning sunlight poured through the window on the right, turning his spiked blond hair to soft gold. He was dressed in loose black sweatpants and a sleeveless gray sweatshirt. He'd clearly just gotten out of bed. However, his brows were low over his neon blue eyes, his lips were drawn in a tight thin line, and his arms were crossed. “Welcome back.”

Vincent stiffened only slightly. He picked up the towel around his neck and set to scrubbing at his damp hair. “Thank you.” He'd hoped that Cloud had gone back to Midgar, back to his new courier business, back to Tifa and the children he'd chosen to watch over.

The farmhouse was Cid's technically, but it was an open house to the whole team. Sitting just outside of Midgar, it was pretty much their personal way-station, a place to stop over on their way to other destinations. Any of them could be there at any given time. He hadn't expected Cloud to still be there.

Vincent very nearly smiled. Wishful thinking on his part. Cid made a lot of noise, but he wasn't one to actually pry. Cloud, on the other hand, seemed to assume that his friends' problems were his problems too. The kid worried. It was kind of sweet, but Cloud was the last person he wanted involved in this… sordid affair.

Cloud's lip curled. It wasn't a smile. “Care to tell me what happened?”

Vincent strode to the foot of his bed and picked up the single-sleeved leather gambeson jacket, refusing to meet Cloud's angry blue gaze. He slid his left arm into the sleeve. The jacket was strictly a layer of padding for his armor and stopped right at the bottom of his ribcage. “No.”

Cloud dropped his chin and his eyes narrowed. “No?”

Vincent shrugged to settle the loose back panel between his folded wings. He didn't want to spread his wings wide in front of Cloud. Although invisible to the average human eye, each wing spread fully his height and a half in length, and half his height in width. He didn't want to take the chance that Cloud's physical enhancements would make out that something was there. The kid knew too much about him as it was. He buckled the back panel to each side panels at the very bottom. His gaze flicked to Cloud's then dropped. He drew the front of the padded jacket across and buckled it closed on his right side. “It was a personal matter.”

“Personal…?” Cloud choked. “Vincent, it was really obvious that you were kidnapped.” His words were soft, but vehement. “You were gone for three whole days!”

Vincent lifted his articulated arm with its chest harness, leaving the clawed hand gauntlet on the bed. He slid his padded arm into the armored sleeve and set the spaulder on his shoulder joint. He offered Cloud a quick smile. “I escaped. The end.” He looked away giving his complete attention to fastening the chest harness that supported the entire articulated arm. Hopefully Cloud would take the hint that he didn't want to talk about it.

“Damn it, Vincent…” Cloud lunged off the bed and paced along the side of the bed on bare feet. His movements were smooth and economic, almost feline in nature. If he'd actually been a cat, his tail would have lashed angrily. He stopped and glared. “Is he dead?” His voice deepened. “Tell me you killed him.”

Vincent sighed. Cloud was clearly in the mood to be stubborn and wasn't about to take hints. He adjusted the straps to his upper arm rerebrace, and then lower arm vambrace. “He is most definitely dead.” Vincent snorted. It was the absolute truth, and the crux of the whole problem; Sephiroth had been dead to begin with. He gave his arm a shake to make sure the elbow couter settled in the right spot.

“What did he want from you?”

Vincent lifted his clawed gauntlet. A new body. His cheeks heated. And my body too. He slid his leather-gloved hand into the armored hand and worked the buckles that held it to the underside of his vambrace. “He wanted something I wasn't willing to give.”
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DESCRIPTION ~ NOT just for pretty Pictures.

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WARNING! ~ Missing descriptive cues can cause: Author Angst!

Once upon a time, when I was a beginning writer of Smut, I wrote a kick ass, "World of Grim Darkness" werewolf erotica story. I had a right to think the story kicked ass. I got a lot of letters telling me so.

 

And then, one day, I got a lovely letter gushing on how much they liked my story. It was so funny! They went into detail explaining exactly how pleased they were and how witty my story was in so many places - but I hadn't ended it right. Where was the punch line?

The PUNCH LINE?!

Yes, fellow writers, my serious "World of Grim Darkness" werewolf erotica had been completely misinterpreted - as an erotic Comedy!

Talk about your total author disillusionment.

This misinterpretation happened because I had written strong sarcastic dialogue, (a trademark in all my stories,) but I had left too many other cues out. It was not apparent at all, to this reader that my characters were speaking sarcastically - counter to their true feelings.

In short, I didn't have enough of the POV character's feelings displayed through inner dialogue or body-language cues for the reader to pick up what I was really trying to show. Sigh… And that's how I learned the most important rule of fiction:

 

What CAN be Misinterpreted WILL be Misinterpreted.

According to my current fan letters, I DON'T make that mistake any more.

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DESCRIPTION - The Only way to get your vision across to the Reader.

 

Enjoy!

 

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DISCLAIMER: As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.

 

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Ookami Kasumi

http://ookami-kasumi.livejournal.com/