Writing the LOVE Scene vs. the SEX Scene

 

 

-----Original Message-----

“…How exactly I would go about writing a 'romantic/love' scene?”

-- Curious about Loving

 

I believe what you’re actually asking is the same question asked by everyone in the entire world: “How can you tell when you are loved?”

First of all, don’t confuse Romance with Love. They are two completely different things!

 

 

Love vs. Romance
There IS a difference!

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d    Romance – a manipulation technique designed to make someone receptive to Sex. The source of Romance is LUST.

d    Love – when someone’s happiness means more than your own. The source of Love is CARING.

 

To many people, Romance means ‘showing love’. That’s not true. You show love by Protecting the ones you care for with the intent to ensure their lasting happiness. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re nice to them.

 

"How do you SHOW the difference?"

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It’s easier than you think, because you probably already do it regularly without realizing it.

 

Think in terms of your Pet...

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When you want to show how much you care, you stroke them, cuddle them, and play with them. You also feed them, clean up their poop, and make sure they have vet check-ups. You do all of these things to keep them happy and healthy. You do these things to keep them from suffering in any way.

You do the SAME THING with people you love whether they are your parents, your friends, or your children – you hug them, play with them, joke around with them, make sure they’ve eaten, make sure their colds are taken care of, you make sure they are not suffering in any way –- physically or emotionally. You also bitch them out when they’ve done something that could harm them or result in misery.

The difference between these people and a Lover, is that when you are showing that you care for a lover, you use sex to bring them the greatest physical pleasure you can.

 

Point Blank: Sex is just another form of PETTING.

 

LUST is a whole other bowl of kimchee.

 

"How do you write a LOVE scene

-- as opposed to a SEX scene?"

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Exactly the same way. The real difference is the MOTIVE.

 

Love’s motive is Affection. ~ Lust’s motive is ORGASM.

 

LUST is a physical urge, like eating when you’re hungry, seeking warmth in the cold, or needing to pee. It is an urge that seeks relief just like all your other physical urges.

If the urgency is great enough, LUST will attempt every dirty trick in the book to get their hands on their object of choice to gain some relief. If that particular object gives them exceptional pleasure, whether it be a dildo, a rubber doll, a super soft sock, or a person, they’ll make sure that the toy is cared for, and in some cases, jealously guarded – so that the toy will still be there (and receptive) when they want to use it again.

The key word here is USE.

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d    Lust USES others for selfish physical gratification.

d    Love doesn’t use, it GIVES.

 

Love gives affection to make their one loved happy.

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If something should happen to cause hurt to the one loved, the one who cares is devastated by their FAILURE stop suffering from happening.

Lust takes affection to make themselves happy.

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Toys have PHYSICAL value, not Emotional value. If their toy should break or refuse to be used, they will be FRUSTRATED and ANGRY, but they won’t think they failed. They’ll think the TOY Failed -- and just go out and get another toy.

 

 

"What's the real difference between a Love scene and a Lust scene?"
Very simply:
 Lust Takes pleasure; Love Gives it.

 

Jealousy is NOT a sign of LOVE.

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When one is jealous, they will do everything in their power to make sure that their lover focuses on no one but them. A common technique used by jealous lovers is isolation, where the jealous lover goes out of their way to chase away all possible threats, up to and including friends and family.

 

When one is in love, the fear that manifests is Insecurity, the fear that they’re Not Good Enough for their love, that they don’t deserve their love.

 

Insecurity and Jealousy are often mistaken for each other because they have many of the same symptoms. However, the reasons behind those symptoms are polar opposite.

 

Jealousy is a sign of possession, of ownership; of the fear that their object will be taken from them and no longer be theirs to USE.

 

When one is insecure, they’re not afraid that their beloved will be taken because their beloved doesn’t belong to them. It’s the other way around; they belong to their beloved.

They’re not afraid of Theft; they’re afraid of being thrown away, of Abandonment.

 

How do you tell the difference?

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When one’s lover sleeps with someone else…?

 

d    A Jealous lover will attack the one their lover dallied with. “How dare you touch him? He’s mine!”

 

d    The Insecure lover will approach their lover directly and plead with them. “Why did you do this? What did I do wrong? Wasn’t I good enough for you?” If their feelings are strong enough, they will ALLOW their lover to keep their toy -- because it makes them happy.

 

Why do some married women ALLOW their husbands to have a Mistress?

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Because they LOVE their husbands and want them to be happy. If having a toy makes them happy, they’ll even arrange to get a good quality toy for him.

Note: This happens far more often than you might realize. I have several very good friends who were personally invited to be a paid mistress by the wife of a corporate husband.

Why do married men ALWAYS return to their wives?

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Because they LOVE their wives. Anyone else is just a toy to relieve their physical urges.

-----Original Message-----

"I'm not sure I agree with the last bit about mistresses, but that's mostly because I find myself unable to justify anyone 'in love' ever cheating on their loved one - again, because it's hurtful and selfish, and a way of making yourself feel good, even as it hurts your husband/wife."
-- Not Fond of Cheaters

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That bit about Mistresses was merely a point to show that someone who is in love will allow their loved one damned near anything, even if it hurts them -- not an endorsement.

Love can be a real b!tch. Once you love someone, no matter what they do to you, you can't stop loving them. You can only endure it as long as you can, until either they straighten up, or they drive you away.

I learned my lessons through cold hard experience.

 

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-----Original Message-----

"Wow, I always thought Romance was about Love...?"

-- Prefers Romance

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EVERYONE thinks Romance is about love -- because we really, really WANT it to be.

Romance tells us that the Other Person gives up everything for Us, when in fact, the opposite is true. Real Love makes us give up everything for THEM.

When you think about it, Love is a very scary emotion. It makes us give up everything we want, everything we are -- for someone else. If they are not worthy of such a sacrifice, it doesn't matter because we LOVE them and want them to be happy at any cost.

 

Real Love comes in many different shapes and colors.

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A love that looks destructive from the outside, such as Bondage and Domination, could in fact be perfectly supportive and exactly what both lovers need from each other. A good movie that illustrates this perfectly is "Secretary".

On the other hand, what an outsider may think is positive and supportive might in fact not be love at all. Case in point, stalking was once thought of as being an expression of love. Angry possessiveness can look an awful lot like love when in fact it is a terror tactic designed to isolate the one supposedly beloved.

When a lover asks their beloved to choose between them and anything else, a friend, a pet, or even a hobby, they not interested in their significant other's happiness. They are ensuring that their toy has no outside distractions and is available for their convenience. A good movie that illustrates this is "Sleeping with the Enemy".

A lover that yells at their beloved for their destructive habits, such as over-spending, drugs, booze, gambling...is more likely to be showing real love, than a lover that sweetly begs their beloved to drop their plans for going out with their friends for a romantic dinner date with them.

How do you tell the difference?

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Measure each action by this question: "WHO benefits from the Results?"

I am firmly of the opinion that if one is going to write about Love, one should really know what it is -- and what it isn't.

Enjoy!

 

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DISCLAIMER: As with all advice, take what you can use and throw out the rest. As a multi-published author, I have been taught some fairly rigid rules on what is publishable and what is not. If my rather straight-laced (and occasionally snotty,) advice does not suit your creative style, by all means, IGNORE IT.

 

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Ookami Kasumi

http://ookami-kasumi.livejournal.com/